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DSJ05 · Oct 16, 2008, 10:14 PM

Ok Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 4 and a half months now. We've know each other for about 2 years now. After our third month we took a break because of her personal relationship with her mom and stress from their fighting. So during that time I tried to get over her and I dated someone else. That didn't work and she also did the same and realized that she really loved me and missed me. So I gave her a second chance and everything has been going really good. Last month we got promise rings and I'm so happy that I'm with her. I hope we will grow old together and have a happy life together. She's 15 and I'm 19. But our feelings are true and she is very mature. She's my best friend and we know everything about each other. What I'm worried about is that we are both young. I'm afraid that when she gets out of high school and starts college that she will realize that there are other guys out there and will want to date different guys and stuff. Is this just a stupid thought since were are doing so well at this point or am I just thinking about something not important at this point in time?

JBeaucaire · Oct 17, 2008, 01:06 AM

It's not a stupid thought at all. It's very mature of you to realize now, clearly, exactly what is going to happen. So, when it does happen, you won't have to act all hurt and disappointed and confused and "why oh why and how could this happen to me?"

Right? You know she's not as mature as you wish, and when she DOES become "that" mature, she will change. That means... most likely... your relationship will end.

Please be a gentleman. Do not do anything to abuse your position over this growing flower of a girl. Respect, love and protect her. Be a role model.

When the change happens and she DOES begin the separation process, help her. Don't make her feel like she's wrong for growing up. OK?

And on the off chance, wee tiny infinitesimal chance, that when she changes and she DOESN'T become interested in others, hey, awesome. Good for you. I just hope YOU like the girl she changes into.

DSJ05 · Oct 17, 2008, 04:57 AM

Thanks JB. This helps a lot.

High Max · Oct 17, 2008, 05:32 AM

Personally, if you are looking for a life partner I would wait until your mid twenties. It seems like college life gets the best of men and women and they cannot maintain stable relationships..

talaniman · Oct 17, 2008, 07:22 AM

I would caution you to be aware that she is changing, and growing, and there is no telling how that growth will affect her feelings, or this relationship.

You must remember she is still in school, while you are out in the world, and that only adds to the pressure of her growing up.

Long term plans at this time are not realistic, nor productive at this time.

I am not going to judge you, but unless your aware of where you both are, on the maturity, and responsibility ladder, You run the risk of making some very life changing mistakes. (Sex, babies, future education ) and as the older one, your responsible as she is a child no matter how mature she appears to your biased eyes. Love (if you can call it that) is one thing, being good for each other is another.

Just curious as to the attitude her parents have, and why a man would be pursuing a growing child.

I hope we will grow old together and have a happy life together. She's 15 and I'm 19.

At this point its your maturity in question. As You have to know, that things could really be different for you both, very soon, and your hopes are not very realistic at this point. Much to soon for future plans, for either of you.

DSJ05 · Oct 17, 2008, 10:03 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I would caution you to be aware that she is changing, and growing, and there is no telling how that growth will affect her feelings, or this relationship.

You must remember she is still in school, while you are out in the world, and that only adds to the pressure of her growing up.

Long term plans at this time are not realistic, nor productive at this time.

I am not going to judge you, but unless your aware of where you both are, on the maturity, and responsibility ladder, You run the risk of making some very life changing mistakes. (Sex, babies, future education ) and as the older one, your responsible as she is a child no matter how mature she appears to your biased eyes. Love (if you can call it that) is one thing, being good for each other is another.

Just curious as to the attitude her parents have, and why a man would be pursuing a growing child.

At this point its your maturity in question. As You have to know, that things could really be different for you both, very soon, and your hopes are not very realistic at this point. Much to soon for future plans, for either of you.

Yeah I understand that she is young and still growing. Also I don't want to take away from her high school experiences like hanging with friends and going to ball games and stuff. I encourage her to do as much as she can with her friends because I know once your out of high school you lose touch with them as they move away or change from the person you knew in high school. I've met her mom in the 9th grade. She is my best friends aunt and also my barber. Lol So we have a good friendship and she said I'm the only one that she approves of that age to date her daughter only because I'm trustworthy and knows me well. I met her dad and he didn't like the age thing but he likes me and lets me date her because he knows I'm a good guy and that I will take good care of her. I agree with you on the maturity level. I feel like she is very mature for her age. I know for a fact that she is more mature than my best friend which(who is my age) still plays video games everyday. Lol
Thanks for the advice talaniman.

talaniman · Oct 17, 2008, 02:24 PM

I'll be very honest, as a father no way I let a 19 year old near my 15 year old, but I must admit its something in the way you write that puts one at ease, and inspires trust.

Seems you must be a pretty good fellow, and real folks do trust you, so don't betray them.

DSJ05 · Oct 17, 2008, 06:40 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I'll be very honest, as a father no way I let a 19 year old near my 15 year old, but I must admit its something in the way you write that puts one at ease, and inspires trust.

Seems you must be a pretty good fellow, and real folks do trust you, so don't betray them.

Oh I can understand that it would be hard to let your daughter date a 19 year old. I know if I was a father and my daughter wanted to date a 19 year old the answer would be no, but if I knew him well then I would think about it. Lol Thanks! Oh I won't betray them. I have very good values and was raised by a good family. It wouldn't be right if I didn't treat them right.

spyderglass · Oct 17, 2008, 06:54 PM

It's good to see that you have your head on straight. I dated an older guy in high school I was 17 and he was 21. And honestly when I started a full-time job and college we separated, he completely understood. We are still good friends I'm married now and he is engaged. If she is meant for you then you will end up together, if not- well you just may find someone special. In the meantime, make your time with her worthwile.

DSJ05 · Oct 17, 2008, 07:02 PM

Originally Posted by spyderglass

It's good to see that you have your head on straight. I dated an older guy in high school I was 17 and he was 21. And honestly when I started a full-time job and college we separated, he completely understood. We are still good friends I'm married now and he is engaged. If she is meant for you then you will end up together, if not- well you just may find someone special. In the meantime, make your time with her worthwile.

Thanks! Good answer. That's what I'm afraid will happen. But if it happens it happens. If she wants to move on, I care and respect her so much, I will just go with the flow and do whatever she decides. I'll understand. Don't get me wrong it will hurt a great bit but I understand that she is younger than I am and I have experienced a lot more things than she has. But for now I will enjoy every moment with her.