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    Noodles15's Avatar
    Noodles15 Posts: 57, Reputation: 9
    Junior Member
     
    #1

    Jan 10, 2009, 09:05 AM
    What do I do here?
    So, as many of you know, my boyfriend and I dated before, broke up for 6 months, and 2 months ago started trying to work things out.

    The thing I've stressed the most is that I need him to be completely honest with me and not hide things from me. I've been honest with him about everything and I expect the same courtesy in return.

    Last night I found out he lied to me about something. One of his family members said some stuff about me, and my boyfriend lied about it.

    Now, last night he was with his friends, and he tells me I talk to him too much when he's out with his friends, and that we always end up fighting (this has a lot to do with the drinking issues I've posted about), so last night, when I found out he had lied to me and what his family member said I cried for 2 hours to myself because I felt I wasn't allowed to talk to him because he was out at the bar with his friends.

    Finally, I tried calling him, but he told me I had to wait until they got back to the friend's house from the bar, so I did, and finally when I told him that I knew he had lied to me, he was quiet for a while and then told me he was going to go to sleep and we'd talk about it the next day because he didn't want his friend to see him on the phone all night.


    There are a few reason this upsets me, the main one is that he's told me almost every day that he won't lie to me and he doesn't hide things from me. Second, we have issues with my mom's actions towards my boyfriend and my boyfriend expects me to be completely open and honest with everything she says about him. Third, he says there's nothing else he's lying about or keeping from me, but how can I trust that now?

    He and the family member have a very rough history, and he said it's because it's personal between him and the family member and he hasn't spoken to anyone about it, but if something is deeply effecting me he expects that I will talk open and honestly with him about it no matter what it is.

    I don't know sorry this is long, I'm just confused.
    Eelarch's Avatar
    Eelarch Posts: 116, Reputation: 3
    Junior Member
     
    #2

    Jan 10, 2009, 09:53 AM

    Ask him about the subject and try to talk to him, if he refuses ask him why not etc and if it's that big a thing shouldn't he tell you

    If that doesn't work say that you need a break and don't contact him for a bit, this should make him feel sorry for himself
    Romefalls19's Avatar
    Romefalls19 Posts: 4,739, Reputation: 1130
    Ultra Member
     
    #3

    Jan 10, 2009, 10:44 AM

    Why do you feel the need to know everything that is said about you? So what if someone said something about you to him, what matters is what he thinks. I have had people tell me things about my fiancé when we started dating, I don't tell her everything because I don't want to weigh her down with petty crap. The longer you waste on dwelling on things people say the less happy you are going to be. Should the person have said it? No, but you can't control what people say just as people can't control what you say.
    Romefalls19's Avatar
    Romefalls19 Posts: 4,739, Reputation: 1130
    Ultra Member
     
    #4

    Jan 10, 2009, 10:52 AM
    Also, I don't see this relationship lasting too much longer, you tried to give it time and you guys are falling into the same problems lead you two to break up. Some people are just not compatible, you should think about this.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #5

    Jan 10, 2009, 12:28 PM

    Ask Me Help Desk - Search Results

    Have you had enough yet?? Time to take a long break, and end this confusion.

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