I was dating this amazing guy and everything was going great. There were feelings on both sides that we've never had before. All of a sudden he tells me we have to break up because when he turns 21 (in April) him and two friends are going to Vegas to work in an underground casino. It's totally illegal and he says he's going anyway and that he'll do whatever it takes to do it cause it's been a dream of his for years. He hasen't even told his family yet and he said he'll do it in 3 months. I don't know what to do, as his girl I don't want him to go and as his friend I'm scared he's going to get wrapped up in the wrong crowd and end up the worst (dead). He said that he loves me and doesn't want to bring me down with him and that's why we have to break up. Also he said if he was to come back I would be the first girl he'd come running back to. I feel like getting him caught for his job now (which is also another underground casino). Then he wouldn't beable to cross the border no matter what, but I'm scared it'll come back to haunt me and we won't be together. What do I do... Let him go and wait at least a year to see if he comes back to me or take action into my own hands and possibly save his life and career?

He's willing to lose you and take risks you are not comfortable with.

If you intervene he'll lose his "dream"

This is just a no winner.

Maybe several years from now he'll be able to make more rational choices, but you cannot make them for him. Even if you intervene, he'll still be that same guy.

He's just got some growing up to do or some living to do... depending on your perspective.

I'm sorry to say the best you can do is plan for your life without him, as that is what he is doing in regards to you. Wish I had better news.

I think you best ask yourself a very hard question about do you want to be involved with someone who breaks the law. This is the real issue here. Please think this out carefully. If the answer is no, then he has done you a favor. If the answer is yes, ask to go with him and heaven help you both.

And by the way... my wife's brother has been making similar, bad and dangerous choices since he was a teen. Now, at 35-ish... he is still making dangerous choices and has lost his job, his house, his wife, and his kids.

And his soon-to-be-ex-wife will be the first to tell you, some people simply cannot be saved from thenselves. You might delay or stall their destructive behavior, but if they don't want to be saved themselves, it won't work.

I've asked him if I could go with him. He has said this is something he has to do on his own and that he has to get away from our hometown to leave his reputation behind. He said this doesn't guarantee he'll be gone for good. He said he can't take me and my parents said it's because he doesn't want to drap me down with him. I'm so lost an confused.

So he's going to leave this reputation and build a better one doing the same thing in a more competitive, dangerous place?

This simply isn't a winning relationship for you. Luckily, you have discovered this before you spent YEARS on a person who makes decisions like this.

He might be a great guy for a lot of reasons. You have had a great time with him. Every relationship we have teaches us some things and helps us understand who we are. You are in the middle of this and you want a way for it to work out in your favor, but its just not likely.

Please, PLEASE do not change your life for him. Don't change your plans or risk what you want for yourself (and wanting him isn't enough).

You are old enough to know love. You are also old enough to deserve better and expect it. And unfortunately, sometimes you meet great people at the wrong time. He isn't ready to be committed to you. Cutting you out might be a way of protecting you, but don't think that that is necessarily any more noble. He still is choosing a path that probably won't end well. You are not obligated to follow him or wait for him to come to his senses.

You ARE obligated to yourself. You need to start to see this relationship as something that taught you about how love can be, and then you need to seek out better. Its out there. We've all had to go though some misery to find it. But its worth it. And it is out there. Just not with him right here, right now.

* by the way... the last time I was fed the "i just dont want to date anyone right now, but if i did itd be with you" line, the other person was dating someone else within 4 months... time I wasted thinking I still had a chance. It basically means, "i dont need you enough right now to keep you, and maybe never will... but maybe you'll be my backup plan if nothing better comes along"... it SUCKS, but that's really what it means

I'd move on now. It's his choice. Make it easier for yourself. Let him go to jail. The state gamming boards do not take kindly to this... IF he is caught - which he will be... he WILL go to jail for a LONG TIME - like 10 to 15 t o40 years - no parole.

People have big mouths and word spreads fast in Vegas.

It a losing bet for him - no question - sheer stupidty. He may live large for a short while - then he will be living gwith Bubba in a federal prison - no question.

You simply can't win in this situation...

But lets say you're determined to get through this and "make it work"... What about the next "dream" he has that doesn't include you?

Your emotions are running high, but when you really think about his attitude and how any kind of relationship with this fellow could work, you have to conclude that you're going to be hurt.

Right now you're #2... What happens when you slip to priority #3 or #5 or #8..

He is leaving you. Someone he supposedly loves to go and break the law. c'mon...
I know it hurts but look rationally at this.
This just shows the quaality of person your involved with here.
Find someone better.

If your that worried about him and he is working illegally now and you really think that you want to help him then talk to a lawyer or something about what you can do.

But id stay out of it if I were you and move on.

The above about legal advice is only if you feel you HAVE to help him as a friend!

I'd just forget about him and move on. It's really not your place to "rat him out" but you also don't want to get involved with someone who's working a sinister job, no doubt with ties to organized crime and everything. In all likelihood he will eventually end up in prison or dead and where would that leave you? Find yourself a decent, upstanding man who'll be able to provide you with the kind of life you need and deserve.

Young guy who wants to do something illegal, is already doing something illegal and you really think you have a future together and your in love? Either I'm crazy as a betsy bug or you are. You need counseling if you think that this will end up happily ever after.

Yep - I'd RUN from this guy... let him go play gangster in Vegas... go find someone who's honest.

Adventurers and rebels only come out winning on the TV shows and movies. The glamour wears off in real life and brings fear and sorrow, so if that's what you want, continue living in this 'fantasy world'. If not, let him go, and find a life more down to earth and suitable for you. This is one story you can later tell your grandchildren.

TIme to do a reality check.

Good luck dear.