This is a bit of a long post, but I have a major decision to make in the upcoming weeks and need to give a bit of context.

Both of my parents have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). For those who do not know-- in a nutshell, it is not multiple personality disorder (I understand people make that mistake a lot). BPD is essentially someone with severe mood swings, happy one moment and raging the next, with little to no explanation. People with BPD also have severe fears of abandonment, which tends to make them extra clingy and emotionally manipulative. In other words, my childhood was pretty turbulent.

Currently, my siblings and I are all now adults in our thirties. Everyone except for myself and my husband lives at least three hours away from my parents (we live thirty minutes away). In the last year, my parents have been going to see a therapist, and have been better about the rages and general crazymaking. However, I believe the change is mostly a function of their traditionally captive audience (their children) now being able to get up and go or avoid them completely if they insist on behaving abusively.

My husband and I have been planning on moving out of state (a 23 hour drive and 3 hour flight away) for the last year. My husband has a standing offer with a friend's business in our state of choice, and right before Thanksgiving I received an offer of my own, that I have not yet given an answer on. I was given until the end of the first week of January to let them know.

I would have jumped at the opportunity and been long gone already, except the Same week of my job offer, my mother was diagnosed with cancer, and my father fell while exercising and broke his hip (crazy timing, I know). This was before they learned of my job offer, so I know it is not theatrics (my mother has a history of faking illnesses to keep the family close to her).

My husband and I are the closest geographically to my parents, so my siblings assumed we would be the ones heading up their care. Husband and I have been living with them since Thanksgiving and at first everything was OK. However, before long, my parents started acting like their old selves again, particularly with respect to inserting themselves into/commandeering my marriage (making hurtful comments about/being rude to my husband), child-rearing (spanking my daughter when I have made it clear my husband and I do not ever use physical punishment) and other boundary issues. I realized this living arrangement will have a negative impact on me and my family's emotional health, and think it is a good idea to look into home health aides.

However, my husband feels that because of their health status, at the end of the day they are our family, we need to overlook their boundary issues, and stay as long as they need us. He also feels I am overly sensitive to any sign of their BPD because of my history with them. I feel that he has never seen how monstrously they can behave (not even close), so his view is limited, but I accept that mine is skewed the other way as well.

To muddy the waters, my parents also run a successful business here, and need someone to take the reigns because of their recent health issues. My husband feels this is an easy financial opportunity for us, and it makes no sense to move to a new state and "start over" when the work of building up a profitable business has already been done for us. Even so, I don't completely trust my parents or the situation.

Again, sorry for writing so much, but I'd appreciate any thoughts you all may have. The more advice I receive the merrier, especially from people who know what flavor of behaviors I have dealt with, and still do to an extent.

This issue is entirely between you and your husband and what you should decide is a resolution that works for you both. I can understand you wanting to get away from the whole situation, and it seems your parents can afford to take care of themselves. How old are they?