I've recently broken up with my boyfriend of 2.5 years. We met almost 3 years ago - I was new to town and he was looking for a new friend. Throughout the time we have spent together, every Spring, we tend to "take a break", re-adjusting ourselves and reclaiming our personal space and time - only to miss each other and get back together in a few months with a stronger passion and understanding of one another. This time, I believe it to be a more permanent fixture in our lives though.

We had planned to move to a different city together when he found a job. I was struggling with depression and confidence issues outside of the relationship and he just wasn't there for me. Slowly, I realized he was suffering from depression as well - his father passed away suddenly, he just graduated from college with little to no job prospects, his friends aren't really there for him (he has a hard time making friends outside of projects or work).

For me, I could no longer absorb his suffering and try to assuage mine as well. After breaking up, I felt relief but also remorse and sadness because I knew this was going to be hard. I'm still in love with him.

We have been talking - we're really great friends. He's asked me if I've been on any dates. He tells me there's some one he'd like to ask out. This doesn't bother me at all. One of the things he wanted to work on when we broke up was having more partners - he's a wonderful lover for me, but he is relatively inexperienced in the bedroom (I've had thrice the amount of partners he has). So I encourage him to explore other women and have fun with it. I feel that if he were able to get his lust and curiosity out about sex, we could come back to our relationship and talk rationally about how he feels about me. He was raised in a religious household (has rejected all of this) and was taught that sex, desire and pleasure are bad and should be avoided. In this upbringing, he was taught that if he were to engage in these things, before marriage, he should repent or feel guilty. So even after 10 years of being separated from the church/religion, he feels that he missed out on a lot of sexual experiences as a young 20-something (which I agree! He did!).

Last night, I picked him up to go see a music show. Things were fine, but when I dropped him off I had to tell him that I was still having feelings for him and entertaining the idea of getting back together. I want to be there for him but it's not helping me push through my depression (I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now). He said I seemed a lot happier and he's happy that we split because he has seen a positive change in me. He told me he likes seeing me looking forward to things and shining again. I agreed. He also told me that he looked at a photograph of us last night and just began to cry. I consoled him, but let him know that I am unable to support and encourage him right now. This was really hard because I know he's having sever feelings of loneliness and being abandoned.

I don't think he is in love with me - or maybe he doesn't know? I may have misheard him last night, but I believe he said we just didn't "click". I blame this on our both of our preoccupations with ourselves and our own separate struggles with emotions right now.

But I can't get the idea of us being together for a long time out of my head. I have been on one date and am going on another tonight - just to get myself out of my comfort zone and see other people. Yet, I still think of him and want him to be happy - with or without me.

I guess my question is: after three break-ups (but an udeniable connection with each other) - is it best to go no contact, move on and check in on him in a month or two? Or is it possible for us to heal separately and see where we're at in a few months - maybe continue on with our plan to move away together...

I just don't know. Not talking to him is incredibly hard, but I need it right now. Just wondering if you think there's a chance we will end up together one day? Should I even think that way?

Either you choose to be together or apart. This breaking it off for new experiences and then coming back together every now and then is not healthy. Why not just have an open relationship? Instead of giving each other bad emotions all the time, there is no need for that. Also, I can almost assure you that if you continue this "let him experience single" mentality, he WILL meet someone else and leave you.

I'm in some agreement to it not being healthy. I guess we've just been unable to grow together at times. We are both very independent-minded people and this is the first time in my life that I've felt I need someone in my life.

I just want him to be happy. If he finds some one else, then I can truly accept that we're not to be and move on. We've already resigned to the fact that we're going to be very close and good friends for a long time.

You can be in a relationship and still be independent, in fact being co-dependant is an illness, but whether you two are together or apart is a choice you guys are going to have to make now.

Unrelated, but. I think that the way you write is fascinating an you should consider writing a book...
If things are meant to be, y

[QUOTE=Chum86;3197629]Unrelated, but. I think that the way you write is fascinating an you should consider writing a book...
If things are meant to be, you will both find your way back to each other.. Everything happens for a reason..