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    markwebber1's Avatar
    markwebber1 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Aug 15, 2011, 07:32 AM
    Wants a break, but don't know why. Please help!
    Ok, so here is the situation. I've been with my beautiful girlfriend for 2 years now, and we have had the strongest relationship ever since we met! No fights, or arguments, or anything!

    My girlfriend has recently become very very busy at work (after a period of pretty much nothing). She is a flight attendant, and is sometimes away for up to 5 days at a time, then will come home, and then get called out to work again for up to 5 days the next day!! I'm also a very busy person helping my parents run a big business as well as going to Uni... We live together at my parents, but in a separate, kind of away, part of the house all to ourselves like a mini house.

    I just went on a holiday with my mate for 2 weeks (she was pretty cut that she wasn't coming, but she couldn't get work off anyway). Just before the holiday she had a serious chat with me, saying she felt like we never talk and out relationship feels like an old couples! I blamed it on how busy we are, and how much she is away etc etc. Anyway after the talk we were fine and off I went on holidays.

    While on holiday I talked to her almost everyday, and I built up this massive, massive feeling of wanting to be with her so badly. I was about to fly home! However she didn't respond to me in the same way (last year I went on the same holiday and we were talking saying how much we missed each other and pretty much phone sexing like crazy, when I got back it was all good, she was on a work training trip for the same amount of time though).

    Anyway I got back from the 2nd holiday with my friend (I'd like to add we have gone on holidays overseas together a few times as well), and when I saw her, she said that she wanted to go back to her parents (1 hr away), because she missed them so much, and that she wanted to become more independent, and that she had thought about being single.

    Anyway the other night I had a massive breakdown, and woke her up saying we need this sorted out. We said lets stay together, but told her to go home to her parents, and just see how things go (a break, but we didn't say an amount of time or any rules). She said there's no other guys, and I believe her, cause I trust her so much.

    This is the big question??

    How is a break going to help, or is it going to help, if we hardly spent much time together anyway, because of work? If being apart so much caused her to feel this way, how is taking a break going to be any different? She's been away a few days now, and text me a couple times saying good morning have a good day, and stuff, and she says she still wants to stay at mine sometimes.

    I'm so lost, and confused, and my heart feels literally like its being ran over by a semi!

    What do you think I should do??



    Edited/T
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #2

    Aug 15, 2011, 07:36 AM

    Give her a break-her feelings have changed and sad as that is she's getting ready to break up.

    Healthy relationships don't handle the tough times by needing breaks-people who care about each other work through their difficulties, they don't do time apart.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #3

    Aug 15, 2011, 10:00 AM

    She wants to be single, and wean herself from you slowly, as she builds a life that she enjoys that makes her happy. Lack of quality time, and shared goals, killed you. Her interests changed (and feelings), and you both seem to busy as individuals to care for each other or make the time. Maybe, its time for you both to step back as she has, and look at this differently.Obviously she didn't share your feelings of satisfaction, and content, or you would have done a lot more to plan a holiday for her, before you took TWO with your friend.

    I think a lot of small things built up over time, and you grew apart. Face it guy, you weren't paying attention to the changes she was making, nor did she communicate them to you. So of course, you have no clue. Now you can cry, and be a perfect wuss, or learn, while you are still talking, what really on her mind,and what she wants for the future.

    Then with the FACTS, you can have your own plan of action, for yourself, with, or without her. Right now, she has her OWN plan of what she wants, and having fun, while she works on herself, is what she will do. You are her option. FOR NOW.
    vanheart's Avatar
    vanheart Posts: 2,806, Reputation: 708
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    #4

    Aug 15, 2011, 03:32 PM
    Listen to those first two pieces of advice. They are right on the money.

    If I were you, I would go NC. For good.

    Remove any false hopes. Breaks=Breakup in my book.

    "she says she still wants to stay at mine sometimes"

    Now that's funny. I wouldn't go there. That's a recipe for more pain.
    She wants you as a backup, until she finds someone else.

    Move on, buddy.


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