I am in need of some advice regarding my breakup and how can I get us back together. For starters something about our relationship; he was the one to approach me, there's a big age difference but that didn't stop him from pursuing. After a while I began to see him differently other than his age. (Let’s just say Ashton and Demi Moore….he is 25, I am 38.. lol) But after talking to him for a while and even going out, I was able to see that he was very mature from what I thought he would be and so I began to start liking him. We hit it off and eventually start seeing each other more, even going away for the weekend. After coming back from a weekend getaway, he start to distant himself a little and then all of sudden he stop calling and shut down for about two weeks. Of course, I couldn’t understand what just happened. I did get upset because I didn’t know what was going on and he was not talking to me. But then he would come over, things would be great and then he would pull off again for a few days and this will go on. This would happen a few times until right before we got out for the holidays. During conversation he would tell me that there were things not so great at home, (which is states away from where we are) and then he wouldn’t say much about it again, so we would be okay and then I wouldn’t see him for a few more days.

Later after some time we had another talk and he explained to me why he was so distant, he explained that initially when he first pull away was because when we were on the trip, he started to feel like he was falling in love and on the drive back home he thought about it and said that he didn't want to fall in love like that, he felt that he was falling to quickly for a woman he only knew for a short time and he knew that he was getting caught up in the moment and knew he was falling in love with the moment. But he wanted to slow down and get to know me and fall in love with the person so that he will know why he fell in love rather than just fall and afterwards not even know why. (Of course all of this I understood and totally agreed with) But I explained to him that he could have told me that rather than pull away, of course he said that at the time he felt that he needed to think about it and he thought that was the best way at that time but during that time while he was thinking about us, he received some bad news from home that was very serious and that he needed to deal with.

So to finish the story, just a week ago before we got off for the holidays, I woke up in the middle of the night with him on my mind and the first thing that came across my mind was that he was going to tell me something today and I felt like it was something that I didn’t want to hear and then I received a text from him stating that he was going to call me later that morning to talk to me. So of course all morning, I am thinking about what is it…I can remember thinking to myself that he was going to break it off. So later that day we met and we talked and this is when I found out that he may not be coming back to MS to work anymore, that he may have a job back home in DC. (But he didn’t say for sure but a strong possibility)

He told me that he didn't want to hurt me and that he didn't want to have me going into the New Year thinking that everything was okay and it wasn't. He wanted to end it now because he didn't want me thinking about him or missing him during the holidays and then he calls me to tell me that he was not coming back. He said that part of the reason that he would come around and then pull off would be because every time we were together, he start to feel more and he knew I started to feel more and he didn’t want me to fall in love with him because he knew that he couldn’t do anything because he may not come back. He said that he had to think more about his family and that’s what’s important now and he didn’t want me feel neglected because he knew he couldn’t give me the attention that I wanted because he had to deal with what’s going on there. Of course his family came first and that I totally understand and would never try to pull him from doing what’s best for them. Actually this was one of the reasons that I liked him so much, it showed something about him.

So coming to the day that he was leaving, he called and told me that he was about to get on the road, I asked if he was going to come by my house before he left (because I had left work early) and he said no, he felt that it would be better this way. He said that he didn’t want to see me cry or kiss me or touch me because he didn’t want to think about it while he was driving. So eventually he said he would after I had to convince him, in case he doesn’t come back, he could at least see me before he leaves. So he came over and we talked, (I tried hard to hold back the tears) he told me that he really liked me, that he even cared about me but this was the wrong timing. That right now he had to take care of his family and the best way is for him to be there and not so far away.

So it’s been a few days now since he has been gone (I asked him to call when he made it home but he never did) and I haven’t heard from him. I didn’t want to call him because I wanted him to first settle in and be with his family and relaxed and let him call me. So far no call or text and as the days go by, I get a little scared that he may have thought that it would be best that we don’t talk. I try to stay positive and also focus on the fact that he has things going on there so I don’t want to intrude at a time that he is trying to handle things and I am feeling the way that I do but in all honesty, I miss him so. I just wished that I could just get a text from him or something right now. I am trying to make it until Christmas, hoping that he would call me or if he doesn’t I was going to text him “Merry Christmas” and try calling on New Years’ if I haven’t gotten a call from him by then. But I am in hope of him calling me though. I understand that he may not be coming back here after the holidays but that’s shouldn’t keep us from being friends and talking. And plus, there is still that chance that he may come back, so I want to have that second chance, so someone tell me what should I do?

However hurtful this is I would not get in touch-it seems he has gone no contact with you.
I also think he has been very honest with you and has told you that he sees no future together.
You need to heal from the breakup and I suggest you read the stickies at the top of the relationship page,there is lots of good advice there.
Take care.

Do nothing. No contact. It might be hard but necessary for healing.

Oh sweetie l feel for you. Lm in a very similar situation, the only difference l called time on him and l, after being on and off so many times. Lts particularly hard at this time of year, seeing couples happy together. Please take the advice of not contacting him like lm doing. Lts unbearably hard but take comfort that you are not alone with those feelings. Feel free to contact me if you need someone to talk to.

This gentleman, and classy guy, tried his best to let you down easy, and gently. Don't dishonor it by getting messy. Just leave him alone, and take care of yourself.

Sad to say,for whatever reason,he did not click with you the way you had hoped and despite his kind words to let you down easy,he has moved .

His actions speak of someone who has ended it and trying to be friends is a futile effort to try to win him over and I think he has made it clear he wants neither.

I think you need to chalk this up as "the one that got away".
No contact is best so that you can move on.

I think he did the right thing by being honest and considerate of your feelings. He tried to be respectful of you, you should do the same thing and respect the fact that he was a gentelman about it. Leave him be, you'll do fine. Just go through the process of healing. It's similar to grieving because it's the loss of a relationship that you really treasured, but that chapter of your life is over, so step into the new one, don't keep going back and reading the last one.

Yep, I think you might be a very lucky person to have met a person who would leave you in a classy gentlemanly way. Cherish the fun times for what they were, and know that he isn't in your life anymore, but that you will find someone else. Let him be, so you can both move on because it doesn't sound like it was an easy decision for him either so he might be hurting as well. It will be so much easier for both of u to keep your distance. He was right, family is important right now -and you should spend a lovely holiday with your family and don't be upset because there are definitely other guys out there! Happy holidays!