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chibij14 · Feb 1, 2013, 01:27 PM

THE BREAK UP (1/26): My ex-SO of 9 months said that he loves me and my son, cares about us, but the stress of the distance is making it hard for him to focus on his football (I’m in IL and he’s in FL). He said that every pound and every ounce of weight is very detrimental to his success, and I guess us not being around and even the sexual frustration is killing him. This may be his last year for trying out for the NFL but I'm not 100% sure. He’ll be 29 this December and just recovered from 2 back-to-back shoulder surgeries so he is at a disadvantage, and so I'm trying to accept his need to fully focus on his lifelong goal. Anyway, he said that being with me and the fact that I have a son makes it harder because he feels also a sense of obligation to us and I think the guilt of his lifestyle bothered him. He can't be here to support us emotionally or financially based off what he's doing.
Instead of working on both things he gave up on us. I know he thinks differently though because he was wanting us to continue our relationship just not with a commitment. Quick background: When we met he was talking to some woman he used to work with. She allowed them to have an open relationship with a "Don't ask, don't tell" policy. Note, he never dated this woman for 2 years of doing this and even told me when we'd met he would never date her but he still felt connected to her. So the difference with us is that he did make a commitment to me, although brief.
I have a great relationship with his family. She said that she loves me and we'll be in contact because she believes God put her in my life, and that I remind her so much of her. She said her son is needing to find his way and that I'm honestly too good for him where he's at. She wants me to try to move on with her help. I admitted to her that I told her son to never want to speak to me again and I meant it, saying I love him but can’t deal with knowing he’ll do “things” with other people. I said I deserve someone who wants to be with me whole-heartedly. I told him he's a coward with no self control. She said I deserve better treatment and shame on him for living with my son and me for half a year, just to decide he can't do it right now. In my sobbing I told my ex-SO that I will send his last gift to him because I still love him and he will appreciate it.
I was incredibly hurt because I was the one putting in the effort during our relationship. It sucks because his visit two weeks ago was paid for by me AND that personal issue he allowed me to handle for him was getting a lawyer to file a workers comp claim. I even sent a letter to the lawyer when the case got started asking him to take special care of my SO and he greatly appreciated it. My ex-SO's mom said he is so proud of me, said he loves us, and she believes he definitely sees me as a future wife but he isn't ready right now and needs to finish his career goal.
I made a letter of congratulations for my now ex-SO going to the new arena team in Washington, and sent it to his family to sign their words of encouragement, so I'm sending that plus everything he needs to start living up there (food/detergent/etc.). He's literally broke since he wasn't getting paid the entire last 6 months he was having surgery/rehab plus he has no side job. The present will be there before he arrives to Washington on 2/7.
DAYS AFTER THE BREAK UP: His mom texted to tell me how much I’m loved and valued and that she is praying for me. I wrote her about how I truly feel from rejection, to the fact that he doesn’t truly love us, and that I find myself feeling angry toward him. She called me shortly after to discuss:
1. He told her I blocked him from Facebook so he’s really worried about us. He’s asked his mom and sister to please stay in touch with me to see how things are going. I told his mom that I did NOT block him from Facebook. I simply deactivated it because I didn’t want to be tempted to look at his profile and be hurt if I see something I’m not ready to see.
2. He told his mom that he does love us and care for us very much and he has never met anyone like me before since the woman he almost married, back when he was in his early 20’s. (The international LDR with the woman who cheated on him.) He told her that I’m pure hearted and said many other nice things about me and my character.
3. He has been talking to his mom and sister about the situation. His sister began to cry and told him that he’s mean and she doesn’t know when he became this person. She told him that she has walked past his room before when he’s on the phone with me and it hurt her. His mom said he started to cry but she didn’t want him to feel attacked so she chimed in and just said he needs to get back with God because he’s not this person he’s become.
4. He is still conflicted. His mom told me she doesn’t know what is going on in his head in terms of us, meaning she isn’t sure what he’s going to do, but she knows he is having a lot of guilt between it all. He wants to pursue his dream because we’re all thinking he may have FINALLY realized he is going to just try this ONE LAST YEAR. If he doesn’t make it, I think we’re all getting the feeling that he is done so this year is huge for him. Therefore, he may make the decision to go it alone with just me having contact with his family.
His mom told me that she doesn’t want me to get hurt though and she feels very protective of me. She told her son that she sees herself in me. Hell, I even share his sister’s birthday. I believe in fate so I believe it’s meant to be and he’ll come around. His mom though does NOT want me waiting around or to contact him. She said I need to start working on MY LIFE. But does anyone see hope in all of this? I want to point out too, in case everyone’s confused, the reason he wanted the break up is to solely focus on his football. No more worrying if I’m happy or if he’s calling enough, we’re visiting, etc. It’s a lot of work to be in a relationship, let alone a LDR, and he was finding himself getting really stressed out about even the little things. If he's stressed out all the time, his weight may be affected. And I'm sure another fear is if he doesn't make it, how else would he even provide for us? I do believe it's part selfishness but part of him wanting to be a man and provide for his family and future family, too. He just isn't sure he wants to focus on them both simultaneously, especially since he’s sexually frustrated. I can see taking a break to solely focus on the career but I wouldn't be risking a possible, future wife by going anywhere else for “it” no matter how stressed I am. His mom she doesn't agree with her son's feeling on this either, and only understands his stress on being able to fully focus on the goal.
YESTERDAY (1/31): I contacted his mom to tell her how much I love her son and the family but this is stunting my growth, as well as his. I said in order for him to be a man he cannot continue to use his family to see how I'm doing and will be forced to either reach out or not. I said that he is probably so used to having everything done for him that it's time for him to step up and show me if he's about my son and me. She said she understands, she loves me, and that I'm a prize her son doesn't deserve. She asked if she can still send me stuff and I said she can but I will contact again when I feel I'm ready to handle it, since I'm trying to assume he might never return.
TODAY (2/1): I've bawled numerous times. Also been told that it hasn't really been that long without contact so I shouldn't start worrying, yet. It will be exactly one week tomorrow (Saturday, 2/2 @ 2pm) but everyone said he could be still trying to figure things out. They also said a week isn't enough time to really miss me because he may still think I will come running back eventually.
Advice, thoughts, encouragement? I love him and want him back but I'm hurting so badly during this break and no contact.

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