Hi,

I'm looking for some advice and understanding of some things as I want to get my ex girlfriend back.

We were together for just under 5 yrs and lived together, Its been 4 months since the split. I acted crazy by texting her a lot, telling how her much I love her, the usual stuff. I've stopped texting her now, which is good as I was getting sore thumbs though she was must've got annoyed and I was probably coming across as desperate.

Last week we agreed to a phone each other during the week, I called her and got no answer I never left a vm. About an hour later she phoned back, is this a good sign?

It was quite unexpecting as I thought she wouldn't phone back after I called. We chatted for about 20mins, it was a normal chat though some things she said felt like she's in control. She was bigging herself up saying she going out every weekend, dancing and buying clothes as she's living with her parents at the moment though she's moving into her own flat very shortly wher eshe said once that happens she'll not be going out as much. I send her poems via email and was told she reads them and keeps them but no reply. During the call I asked to meet up for a coffee, her reply was don't know, maybe, I'm not ready yet, what does this mean?

Should I call her this week or leave it and give more space for a couple of weeks even though we agreed to a phonecall once a week. There was moment of silence after I said something good, can't remember what I said though. Presently I'm doing things to improve myself this she knows and she was like "you just needed a kick up the " she never mentioned anything like she's dating or that

I'd appreciate answers to my questions and any views or ideas that will help me in getting my ex back.

You cannot force anybody to come back to you. It's probably hard but we all been there before and you probably are clinging to false hope. I feel your pain but it will remain if you continue on this path.

You should start No Contact. She is only moving on and you are staying behind. It's been 4 month already, you should have healed by that time. Have you really thought why you want her back? Is it due to a feeling of emptyness?

I don't think you should be focusing on getting your ex back. I think that you should be focusing on healing yourself and moving on with your own life. It's over for a reason. Whether you agree with it, the fact is that you broke up for a reason and it's not likely that those reasons are just going to resolve themselves any time soon. Actually I'd forget about the weekly phone calls and not have any contact with her at all. Do what you need to do, without involving her.

Thanks for your replies, ypu I agree you can't force anyone to come back or do anything. I have thought about why I want her back positive and negative. I don't want her back because of a feeling of emptyness, I know what emptyness is as I lost my Mother, I don't feel empty. I would like her back because I love her, we were engaged as well. Re moving on, I believe I'm doing that, I'm starting uni shortly, getting my driving and done and back playing footie and working out. See we had plans of which were, I supported her to become a teacher and she qualified though she is no longer interested in doing it then it be my turn go to uni, get a degree and that. We got lost because of the workloads as I was constantly working to support and she was constantly studying as it was hard. Why not involve her in what I need to do?

She doesn't seem to want that right now, as she is doing her own thing, her way, and that's what you have to do. Looks like she has changed the plan on you, and you have to adjust to it.

If she doesn't seme to want that right now, why did she phone back and agree to phonecall once a week wanting to know what's happening?

To placate you.

Taking someone back after a break-up reminds me of taking milk from the fridge, and finding it's sour, and then putting it back , saying" it might be better next month"...

The phonecall thing was arranged before I phoned. Maybe she appeased herself by calling back!!

She knows how you feel. She called it quits so the ball is in her court.
By the sounds of it she is moving on with her life--- growing. And you need to do the same.

My advice? Leave her alone. The only way to get her back is to give breathing room. That's not saying you will get back together-- because odds are you won't (harsh, but true).

I've not said she called it quits, it was me who done it!

Well, you're stuck in a catch 22. It doesn't really change anything, ultimately. She's going to need to heal and trust you again - if that ever happens. Like I said: she knows how you feel.
Leave it be.

I know she needs to heal, guess I do as well, I believe if you want something badly enough and you truly do feel that way then you need to go and do something about it. I am giving her space, not been in contact since we spoke and not texted.