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    Misshome's Avatar
    Misshome Posts: 33, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jul 15, 2015, 07:51 AM
    The void in my heart.
    I am a broken hearted. We separated almost 5 years ago. Have no knowledge of his life, how he is doing? Where is he now? So many question left unanswered when we split. There was no closure from his part which created this crater in my heart. I can't fixed this. I miss him every day.. very much.
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
    Marriage Expert
     
    #2

    Jul 15, 2015, 08:33 AM
    I am going to sound a bit harsh but it is only because I hope you will listen.

    You need to stop making him responsible for your healing. He cannot give you the closure you seek. Knowing all the facts about his life cannot give you the closure you seek.

    The only person who can give you closure and be your main support in moving forward is yourself. It is past time to take responsibility for your own healing. It is a hard lesson to learn that closure doesn't come from other people. It comes from inside. Closure is accepting what happened, learning from the experience what you want and don't want in a relationship and figuring out how to apply those lessons to new relationships. It is adapting your plans to a new dream for your future.

    You need to accept that he is in the past. The memories are just that-memories which need to be put away. They have only the importance you give them. They wither and fade away if you refuse to give them attention. By not focusing on them you take away the their ability to cause you pain. I am not saying you will fully forget him and the time you had together, but it will get to a point that it won't hurt and you can look forward to new relationships.

    You can heal yourself. You have to be willing to let go of the past. You have to be willing to embrace the future. Are you willing to make the changes in your thought processes and put energy into building a life that does not center around the hurt and pain? Are you willing to let go?

    I have one last thing for you to think about: Are you afraid of getting hurt again if you allow yourself to let go of the pain and heal? Is the a past a shield to protect you from the uncertainties of the future?
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
    current pert
     
    #3

    Jul 15, 2015, 08:54 AM
    I have a different take on closure, with great respect for Cat1864. Not necessarily even a difference of opinion, just my personal definition of getting over someone.
    I don't believe in closure. It's a nice neat word, one word, for something that for me takes many words.
    I believe that we take loss, sadness, and grief and incorporate them into who we are, and we are constantly someone a bit newer than the day before.
    Use the loss and the unanswered questions for a deeper understanding of yourself, for recognizing pain in others, for a wiser self.
    Ask yourself WHO YOU ARE without a romance.
    Ask yourself what you like to do on your own.
    Then do it.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #4

    Jul 15, 2015, 09:52 PM
    May I ask what has triggered these 5 year old hurts, or have you been pining away for 5 years? How old were you both at the time? Why are you holding on to this old pain?

    Acceptance IS closure that you can give YOURSELF... even if he didn't.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #5

    Jul 16, 2015, 02:36 AM
    Closure is in the movies, not in real life. Oh, people may, if they part, lie to each other and pretend certain things. In real life, people break up, normally with some form of anger involved. (but not always). He has no obligation to tell you anything, not even good bye.

    You should after a few months, perhaps of anger, move on, where he is nothing but an occasional memory.

    If after 5 years, this has consumed you, you need professional counseling, because this is not normal. (no closure is normal) letting it effect you years later is not.
    Misshome's Avatar
    Misshome Posts: 33, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Jul 17, 2015, 11:31 AM
    Thank you all for your response. Well.. It is actually little over 3 years.
    Nothing new.. made me think of him. He is,was always in my MIND. My
    Life hasn't been smooth since he left. Lately, my life has become HARD and continue to Harden daily than any life I have ever lived, before. I had a SCARY dream about him too! Few weeks ago, I have seen him drinking Tea, seating on Couch; inside a house. Peaceful. Then he covered his face with his hands and burst out in tears; I was outside the house on the ground, crawling. The next morning when I woke up.. I discover myself srrounded by Enemies, whom I thought I was able to left behind.
    I am very scare too ! I really have no one else in life that I could turn in to. P[professional Counseling? Tried. I did not find anyone BELIEVE in me. So.. that said it all. I wish to have DEATH in peace than this life. He has answer to this all.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
    current pert
     
    #7

    Jul 17, 2015, 12:15 PM
    Please explain about the enemies surrounding you when you woke up? That sounds like a continuation of a dream...

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