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    sphyncx's Avatar
    sphyncx Posts: 50, Reputation: 2
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    #1

    Aug 12, 2005, 01:43 PM
    Useful Information
    I'm bored... this might not sound very fluent because I'm pretty much just typing what comes off my head. Feel free to add things and I'll edit it and we can make it into something big that everyone can read, because it seems like everyone has the relative same problems. I used to be there, not anymore. :D

    We'll start small... and work our way up (meeting someone -> relationships, marriage)

    CHAPTERS
    I. Approaching!
    II. Dating!
    III. Gifts!
    IV. Relationship!
    V. Break up!

    I. Approaching!

    So you notice that girl/guy you find physically attractive, what do you do? Most people won't even go up to them no matter what the situation because of a lot of things. Confidence, insecure, doubt, etc. it's all in your head.

    Okay so you gained enough balls to actually go up to the person, what do you say? How do you say it? Omg I'm freaking out over here! Chill out. Before you even step foot in this direction you need to understand some things. The most major of things is that ATTRACTION is NOT a choice. If they is physically attracted to you, they will open a small door for you to see through.

    I can only really talk from a guy talking to a girl here... if you are a girl feel free to tell me to add some things.

    Before you even bother going up to her, you have to make yourself and your mind confident... if you aren't they will smell that and kick you away.

    Okay so now you are talking to her and she seems to enjoy your company for the first 10 seconds. Great, you just took down a barrier. Now comes the part that will either make or break your chances to get a phone number or email address. Do not talk to her in some mono tone voice or stand there with your hands in your pockets, you will automatically be booted to the curb. Have some fenece in your voice, make lots of eye contact... don't slack off here, touch her... reach over and touch her shoulder or play with her hair or put your hand on her back... this breaks a barrier... a very important one... she will either ditch you or let you invade her space, body language... express yourself through your body not just your mouth. Make "cocky funny" statements if approriate, aka being a smart but playful, and make sure she knows it's playful. Bust her balls about something, like what she is drinking, or how she is dressed. Sounds like it won't work right, trust me it will unless she hates you to begin with. Most importantly, BE YOURSELF, and act like you WANT her but you sure as hell don't NEED her.

    All right all right, so you are doing all of this and she seems into you for sure but how do you know when you are talking to her? Every girl is different here, but I'll fill you in on some common things. Eyes dilate, plays with her glass or hair or anything, seems kind of shy... hard for her to keep eye contact with you sometimes, if and when you touch her... she doesn't move away and kind of enjoys it.

    Now close it, tell her that you need to get going, friends need you, whatever, and then ask for her number or email address. You want to make the conversation with her between 2-10 minutes at minimum though there are always exceptions. Ask her if she wants to hook up later in the week for coffee or lunch, give her your phone and tell her to put in her number.

    Now you have a date, GJ. I just covered over basics... there are more to it then just this, and once you go out and do it you'll learn all of that naturally.


    II. The Date!

    Once again this is for guys... if you are a girl feel free to tell me to add things for the girls point of view.

    So you call her up on a day you aren't so busy, and hopefully she won't be either. Here is where some guys mess up. Don't worry about when you call her... aka... 1 week later, 3 days later, or 1 day later, call her when YOU have time to call and set something up. When you call make suer you are forward. If you want to go out for coffee say something like: "Hey this is darrel, just wanted to ask if you wanted to get some coffee today." she'll say yes or no... if no ask for another day, or better yet ask her to call you when she isn't busy... if yes say something like: "alright how about Starbucks on hwy X at 6pm if you need directions let me know, see you there?" she'll probably say yes... I don't see why she would say no at this point. Another thing, make sure you are the one that picks where you go, if she does that's fine too, just don't say "i don't know" or "i don't care." BORING, she's going to NEXT you more then likely, we both know you are more outgoing then that.

    Now she says yes, your happy, you go there a little early... sit down and wait for her to come... but she doesn't show up. 15mins roll by... then 30mins... 45... and you are wondering to yourself why. Well let me tell you, you are single, you shouldn't feel so down on this 1 girl that you met... matter of fact when you were where ever you were (bar, mall, etc) you should have met more then 1 girl to begin with! NEXT this girl, don't ever call her again, if she calls you and gives you some BS story then it's up to you to let her back in or not.

    I. Gifts!

    Unless you like blowing your money, stop giving her so many damn gifts! Get her something little on the days of "special occasions," and RANDOMLY surprise her on nonspecial occasions. Example: You give her something today... you've been going out for a few months, nothing special about today. 2-3 months later... maybe more do something again, keep it random, keep her guessing. She will apprietiate (spelling?) it much more when you keep her guessing then if she can see it coming. Try to be creative too, not flowers every single time or jewelry, even though they love it because it's expensive. Do something creative... for an example... I did this for my last girlfriend who actually is really really immature now and is actually not what I even want (turtle and wild know what I'm talking about :D ), anyway... before she left to go to Europe for a week with her family... I took her to dinner. Nothing fancy, just the Olive Garden, and I gave her a pink rose I bought at a grocery store and a construction paper made present. I traced my hand and glued it on some construction paper and wrote on the hand: "When you are not with me, and feel the need to hold me, place your hand on mine" or something in that extent. I have more but I don't want to bore you guys. :D

    Another thing, so you gave into an argument because she thinks you are wrong and she is right? Whatever, just don't say you are "sorry!" You doing that makes her take 2 steps forward in the relationship and you taking 2 steps back. And for goodness sakes don't buy her a gift for make up, YOU are the gift to HER to begin with, treat it as it is.

    IV. Relationship!

    Here is where a lot of you mess up, including myself in the past. We've all been there, we've all wondered why they broke up with us, we've all been depressed because of it. So you ask why, how and what caused it.

    First thing, you first start going out with someone, everything is great right? Well that's because you are so fresh into the relationship of course it is! You and your partner are on a HIGH. Here is where a lot of people mix up love with new feelings. I just wanted to point this out because a lot of people don't really realize this and sometimes they get married while still on this high and end up getting divorced because it wore off.

    Anyway, just because you are dating this person doesn't mean you should stop doing your regular daily objectives. Don't forget that you still have friends, work, school, errons, working out, personal enjoyment. This person is part of your life now... notice the word "part." They are not your WHOLE life. Why take down all those years of your life over someone you met a month ago. Exactly, don't. People mess this up ALL THE TIME. Think of it like a new toy when you were a kid. Do you still play with it now? Matter of fact do you even remember it? Probably not, you played and played and played with it and soon or a later you got bored of it, or you conquered it and it was no longer a challenge. That's how relationships are, if you see each other every day, talk about your feelings 6 hours a day, and sit and watch TV or movies every time you see each other, that's boring. Remember, if I took your computer, your car, and your bed away for a few days, you would def. be more grateful when you get them back.

    Think of relationships as a 2 circular refrig magnets (this is taken from DD but I think what he says is very very true). If they both are facing each other with opposite sides (+ and -), they will cling together. That's bad. If they face each other with the same sides (+ and + or - and -) they will repell... so when one magnet gets closer to the other... that magnet starts moving away at a safe distance from the one that is closing in. Then if you take the magnet that was being repelled and move it toward the other magnet that one is going to start moving away. In relationship sense, it keeps things balanced, keeps everyone guessing (not in a bad way), and livens the relationship up. Like if I was dating someone and they were packed with stuff to do for week... I would naturally be drawn in to her more because I can't be with her. Then the next week we are back together and what not... then the following week I'm the one that is very busy and she naturally is drawn into me. Hopefully that makes sense because I can't draw a picture. :p


    That's it for now I had enough typing for a little bit, give me some feedback.

    I have to post this in a different post because it's over 10000 characters.
    fredg's Avatar
    fredg Posts: 4,928, Reputation: 674
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    #2

    Aug 13, 2005, 07:56 AM
    Bored
    Hi,
    If you are bored, then you need to find something else to do; rather than sit by a computer, typing anything.
    Get out of the house, get outside, meet someone new, find a hobby.
    I really don't have time to read all your very long post; maybe someone else will.
    Typing at a computer all day long can be very, very boring. Get out.
    Best of luck,
    fredg
    kingping's Avatar
    kingping Posts: 59, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Aug 13, 2005, 10:26 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by fredg
    Hi,
    If you are bored, then you need to find something else to do; rather than sit by a computer, typing anything.
    Get out of the house, get outside, meet someone new, find a hobby.
    I really don't have time to read all your very long post; maybe someone else will.
    Typing at a computer all day long can be very, very boring. Get out.
    Best of luck,
    fredg
    Yes it can, unfortunately it's my career
    sphyncx's Avatar
    sphyncx Posts: 50, Reputation: 2
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    #4

    Aug 13, 2005, 10:58 AM
    Okay thanks, but that took probably 10mins to type... not like it was hard. Lets stick to the subject shall we.
    kingping's Avatar
    kingping Posts: 59, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Aug 13, 2005, 11:07 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by sphyncx
    Okay thanks, but that took prolly 10mins to type...not like it was hard. Lets stick to the subject shall we.
    Didn't read the top - thought u cut/pasted
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #6

    Aug 13, 2005, 11:17 AM
    Fred - why don't you get a life? This very useful information for people here. You wasted our time with your post. This link is about relationshisp (something I know you're clueless on). Sphyncx is helping other because the majority of the folks here screw up the same things.

    Your advice so plastic and meanigless - it ISN'T real world at ALL.
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #7

    Aug 13, 2005, 11:18 AM
    Anyway - on to the topic - real good stuff here:

    If you spend a couple of hours having regular,
    Normal conversation... being Cocky & Funny,
    Enjoying yourself, NOT trying to impress her, and
    Generally demonstrating that you could care less
    How things turn out, you'll be FAR more likely to
    Take things further than if you act as if she
    Might be the love of your life and you wind up
    Acting so nervous, stilted, and DUMB that she runs
    Away.

    So here it is again... one thing that most guys
    Who are unsuccessful with women do that screws
    Things up... one thing to AVOID:

    DON'T TREAT A WOMAN YOU'VE JUST MET AS IF SHE'S A
    POTENTIAL FUTURE WIFE OR GIRLFRIEND.

    Instead, lean back. Be cool. Make jokes about
    Her screwing up her chances with you. Tell her
    That she's a nice friend. Assume that she has
    Qualities that are going to annoy you, then point
    Them out (in a Cocky & Funny way, of course).

    Don't lose your composure. It can be fatal if
    You do.

    Another note:

    Most guys don't "get" women.

    And, unfortunately, most guys look for tricks
    And "pick up lines" when it comes time to LEARN
    How to meet women.

    They don't realize that all the tricks in the
    World aren't going to help them if they don't
    UNDERSTAND what's "going on".
    turtlegirl's Avatar
    turtlegirl Posts: 151, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Aug 13, 2005, 05:55 PM
    What about girls? The more I don't care the more the guys want to talk to me. The more I call them on their smooth lines the harder they try to outdo the last one. I guess, ladies, we have to act indifferent and like we have somewhere else to be. Unfortunately I find this very hard to fake.

    In any case, have an opinion. Don't agree with everything the guy says.

    And the same as with the advice for guys, don't act like he's the potential father of your children.
    sphyncx's Avatar
    sphyncx Posts: 50, Reputation: 2
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    #9

    Aug 14, 2005, 08:05 PM
    Bump, updated 8/14
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #10

    Aug 14, 2005, 08:16 PM
    ". I guess, ladies, we have to act indifferent and like we have somewhere else to be. "

    Yes - and it's mot acting, it's realizing not think this is your next girl friend, wife etc. - don't take it too seriously to start.
    turtlegirl's Avatar
    turtlegirl Posts: 151, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Aug 15, 2005, 08:43 AM
    Which is easy if you really don't care, but so impossible when you like someone.
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #12

    Aug 15, 2005, 09:09 AM
    I know. But, you have to hold your cards close to the vest during the first 2 months. The first two months are so critical. It's learning to behave properly on the outside.
    NeedKarma's Avatar
    NeedKarma Posts: 10,635, Reputation: 1706
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    #13

    Aug 15, 2005, 09:41 AM
    And for god's sake don't pretend you are someone else during the initial stages of a relationship. Don't say you love sports when you really don't (for example) - it's only going to hurt you in the end. Be yourself, not someone you think Mr. HotGuy wants.
    sphyncx's Avatar
    sphyncx Posts: 50, Reputation: 2
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    #14

    Aug 16, 2005, 12:42 PM
    V. Break up!

    Okay, this all happened to someone, whether it was you breaking up with them of vice versa. You have to realize something though (depending on what terms you guys broke up on) wanting to get back together and being obsessive now trying to get them back aren't healthy things to be doing. It is natural to be sad or depressed for a little while afterwords, feeling lonely, etc. It will happen. However, sitting here thinking about it constantly, wondering if he/she will call wanting to make up, etc. is not what you should be doing. If anything you should have learned from the break up, you now know that isn't the person you want to be with.

    I really don't like to get indepth with this subject because everyone is different in acting on this, and it's touchy. But the point is that you need to better yourself, get off your and go back out there and meet new people. Still wanting to sit there and cry? Then you had the wrong mentallity to begin with when you went into the relationship. Part of your life not your whole life, by being so down about this 1 minor thing you are making it your whole life. SO GO OUT THERE, MEET NEW GUYS/GIRLS! There are billions of them out there! Clearly this wasn't meant to be, so get over it and be happy.
    turtlegirl's Avatar
    turtlegirl Posts: 151, Reputation: 1
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    #15

    Aug 16, 2005, 06:53 PM
    Get over it and be happy is a lot easier said than done, and even thought there are 'billions' of other people out there, you might only ever really click with 4 of them. So it's okay to have a pity party for a day or two. If it was a real relationship you can mourn it. It hurts for a reason.

    Sorry to be so serious... (and I've never even been broken up with).
    sphyncx's Avatar
    sphyncx Posts: 50, Reputation: 2
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    #16

    Aug 16, 2005, 07:18 PM
    I said it was OK... I said its not okay to sit around forever and cry over it.
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #17

    Aug 16, 2005, 09:57 PM
    Well I strongly believe in win-back. Of course when I tell people how to do it and how to act - they always screw it up.

    PLUS neither side could have cheated or done something really bad.

    PLUS - it has to have been a relationship - at leats a couple months of heavy - more than just 3 or 4 dates.

    PLUS the person HAS to change - YOU HAVE to change. You have to grow and improve yourself - PLUS remember some of the reason why that person liked you to begin with.
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #18

    Aug 16, 2005, 10:01 PM
    Also - there is just an awesome David Deangelo e-mail about win-back. Some REAL WORLD stuff... stuff you would never believe - that doesn't make sense at first - BUT, it drives that other person wild with attraction again.

    It's not the crap a lot of folks post here - "oh, just go talk with her, she will love you - tell her your true feelings" - Yuck!! She runs!
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #19

    Aug 17, 2005, 02:31 PM
    Why do women leave men? - For Men Only
    H Attraction and Dating ::Rejection ::Dating and Attraction Guru Advice :: email link
    Interesting question, isn't it? We've all had women leave us...

    And we've all been in the situation, wondering why she was leaving... and willing to do literallyANYTHING to get her to stay. Read the following scenarios, and nod your head silently if you can identify with any of them:

    -You met an incredible woman, and you really hit it off at the beginning. But the more time you spent with her, the less interested she became... but the MORE interested you became. You could feel the balance of power shifting, but there was nothing you could do about it. Eventually she just stopped seeing you, but she never explained why in a way that made any sense...

    You were seeing a woman for several months, maybe even a year or so. Everything seemed fine. But then one day she came to you and said "I don't know how I feel anymore, and I just need some time ALONE... some time to 'find myself'...it's not YOU, it's ME"... but her time "alone" turned into her seeing some other guy that didn't treat her half as well as you did... -

    You were in a serious long-term relationship that had lasted more than a couple of years, and you were with the woman you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with. Sure, you had your problems, but you knew that you'd always work through whatever came up, and she would stick by your side forever. Out of nowhere, she started acting strange... she started to become more controlling and angry... no matter how hard you tried to make her feel better and do nice things, it only got worse. Then she dropped the bomb that she didn't love you anymore, and she was leaving. Or maybe she cheated on you, then told you as her way of breaking up... of course, there are a million variations of these basic situations, but I'll bet you can identify with one of them. I can identify with ALL of them. In fact, I've been through each of them... some more than once. And I'll tell you... I can remember the PAIN and the DESPERATION I felt each time.

    I mean, it SUCKED. I hated it.

    Probably the WORST part of it was the feeling of POWERLESSNESS that went along with each time.It's bad enough having the woman you like or love leave you... but to have to ALSO deal with the fact that you don't know how to change things, and there's NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT isjust plain depressing. Again, if you've been there, nod silently with me...

    Now let's talk about how to AVOID this kind of thing in the future.

    THE PROBLEM ISN'T WHAT YOU THINK

    The first thing you must realize in this typeof situation is that the problem you're dealing with isn't what you think it is. Most guys naturally assume that the woman is leaving them because he's not being "nice"enough, or he's not giving her what she wants, or he's not being a good boyfriend... etc.Or they assume that this is just "one of those things that happens", that "feelings change" andthat there's really nothing he could have done anyway. Well, these ideas, and almost all the others that most guys think, are DEAD WRONG.

    So STEP ONE is for you to realize that what you THINK you know is WRONG. Throw it out. Start over, and open your mind to a new way of seeing things. I'll share more on this later.

    YOU CAN'T SOLVE IT WITH MORE OF THE SAMENow I want to talk about what NOT to do.I know that this is going to sound prettyobvious, but if what you're doing isn't working in a particular situation, you need to STOP. Don't keep doing what's not working. In other words, if the woman you love is breaking up with you, and you've been being nice to her, doing whatever she wants, and telling her that you'll do anything to make it better... if only she'll stay... then STOP. Stop doing that.

    Whatever it is you're doing that isn't working ISN'T WORKING. Duh.

    So stop it immediately. More of the same is only going to get you more of what is happening.

    WHY ATTRACTION IS SO IMPORTANT

    One of the main reasons I talk about and teach the concept of ATTRACTION is that when it comes to these types of situations, the REAL underlying reason for them is usually that the woman doesn't feel ATTRACTION anymore. When it all boils down, she just plain does not FEEL IT. Now, a woman will say and do all kinds of things OTHER than telling you that this is the problem. Women have all these ideas in their heads like "I can't tell him how I REALLY feel because I don't want to hurt his feelings" and "I can't tell him what's going on because I don't want to emasculate him" and "It's just easier if I just go away".

    Love it.

    But when you take away all of the B.S. and you get right to the core of what's going on, you'll usually find that it all boils down to ATTRACTION... or, more specifically, the LACK of ATTRACTION.

    I'm going to say something that's pretty bold right now. Get ready. If you do not know how to make a woman feel the GUT LEVEL physical and emotional response called ATTRACTION, then you are going to beout of control in relationships, and will very likely have women leave you for the rest of your life.

    There is no security when you don't "get it" in the ATTRACTION department. And you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about. Women KNOW that they have the upper hand with most men.

    As a guy, you can FEEL IT when a woman "has you by the balls". And even if she's not evil or mean, a woman can still crush you emotionally when she's in this powerful position.

    More...
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #20

    Aug 17, 2005, 02:31 PM
    Well, guess what?

    YOU'RE THE ONE WHO GIVES HER THIS POWER.

    And if you choose, you can KEEP this power

    for YOURSELF.

    SOLVE THE PROBLEM BEFORE IT STARTS

    Now, the BEST way to deal with this particular problem is to SOLVE it BEFORE it even starts.The absolute most important prevention methodis an understanding of female psychology and

    ATTRACTION.

    Here are a few pointers to get you started:

    1) Women are NEVER attracted to WUSSIES.

    Women don't feel ATTRACTION for weak men.

    Sure, if you chase a woman for long enough, and buy her enough things, she may "fall" for you. But in that case it's not because she feels ATTRACTION for you. OHHHHH NO. It's because she feels AFFECTION for you, and she confuses it with ATTRACTION.

    So if your Inner Wussy has been taking the wheel, EVICT IT! -slap the Wuss out of yourself. Do it now.

    2) Don't be PREDICTABLE. Predictability is a mortal sin when it comes to attraction. If a woman can guess what you're going to do or say, you're being predictable. If she CAN'T guess what you're going to do orsay, she'll always be wondering...

    Now, keep in mind that women are MUCH better at predicting behavior than men. So if you're going to stop being predictable,

    then you're going to need to LEARN how. To begin with, PAUSE before you do and say things. Think about what you'd normally do, then

    DO SOMETHING ELSE.

    Throw in some crazy, off-the-wall stuff for good measure. Predictable is BAD BAD BAD for business.

    3) Don't be BORING.

    Boring is the bastard child of Predictable. When you are SO predictable that NOTHING is new or different, then you are officially

    BORING.

    Boring is also the lack of adventure, passion, energy, humor, and ATTRACTION. Unfortunately, most men are REALLY REALLY REALLLLLLLLLLLLY boring. I mean like shoot-yourself boring. Like, if there was a "Boring Score" that took into account everything from food to clothing to interests to conversation, mostmen would score a 99.75 on a 100 scale. It's a bad situation. I used to be pretty damn boring myself,so boring, in fact, that I could probably becertified as an expert on the topic.

    So take it from me, BORING is BAD. I don't care WHAT you have to do to stop being boring, but do it.

    A few quick ideas:

    Take up an interesting hobby. Think wine collecting, not comic book collecting. Mountain biking, not chemistry. Fashion, not Xbox.

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