Hi, I really just need someone to talk to, I'm very low and lonely and have no one to turn to. A couple of years ago I met somebody on the net, he lives half way around the world, we instantly clicked and over the months and through our friendship we fell in love, I had never known love like it and I have had a few long relationships and had been in love before. But he was something differen't, he knew me, knew how to talk to me, made me happy when I was sad, calmed me when I was upset, we shared the same love for everything from opinions on life to music to movies and I was always there for him as much as he was for me.

At first I tried to walk away because he was younger than me for a start and he was at UNI in another country, he persisted for ages and eventually I couldn't say no as my feelings where to strong for him. He said once UNI was finished or even before he was finished he would move over here either finishing his studies here or to look for work after university. So even though it was so so hard, we spent two years together over the net, we spoke everyday on skype for hours at a time, even watched programs and films together that way. We shared everything and gave up a lot for one another.

Then a few weeks ago, he ended it, he said that when we first got together he thought he would be with me by now, that it is to hard having a relationship this way and he could be another two years at UNI if he goes for his masters. He says that UNI is getting so much harder, that he hardly has time for anything and that a possible two years living the way we have been-he can not handle anymore, and also that he doesn't want either of us to waste anymore time on what could and might be.

He says that we should both try and move on and be open to meeting someone new eventually, he says that he is open to us meeting in the future and open even to something happening with us, but at the moment he can't carry on like this. I would go over there like a shot if I could but money is a huge problem and other commitments here, I said I will be able to go next year and I want that so much. But that doesn't change that he doesn't want me here and now, we still talk everyday for ten minutes or so, and he does still care about me and says he loves me, I'm not sure if he is in love with me though anymore.

The problem is that I totally am in-love with him, he is all I think about from the moment I wake until I go to sleep, I can't stop crying and I'm miserable without his love. I can't bare the thought of him with anyone else, or us never meeting, when you have talked and discussed about everything you were going to do and plan a life together and then it is took away it leaves you terrified. I am so scared of never meeting him, being with him, spending my life with him, holding his hand and loving him and him loving me back.

I know we have something special because long distant relationships don't last that long with never meeting if it wasn't something special. I believe he is my soulmate and he used to think that to, he says if we are meant to be then it will happen, but we can't force it.

Him ending it was such a shock, I wasn't expecting it at all, and the thing is, is that I understand why he has, he is right about many things but when was love ever rational, my heart is ruling my head and I'm petrified of a life without him, I'm scared to death I will ring him one day and he no longer as that number, or he no longer returns an email, I'm just so scared of so many things. I just don't know how to carry on with a my life when I love someone so so much but the person doesn't show it back.

I'm finding it hard to function and can't ever imagine having happiness back in my life without him. I want him to be happy and if I have to put up with just being friends then so be it, because I can't imagine him not being part of my life. I just have no drive in me at the moment, I need a light, a glimmer of hope, some support on how to try and get some sort of life back for myself so I'm not feeling terrible every single day of my life.

Thanks for reading and listening.

You need to start living in real life, sorry but unless one or both parties are willing and/or able to make a physical move to where the other person is, a online or long distance relationship just do not work forever.

You have fallen for a chat, or a cam relationship, not a date, not a real kiss but merely a computer relationship.

If your actual live is being effected, get counseling, if it is just pain, this is no different than any break up, you do no contact, and go on with life and soon find someone else

Well it has been 8 months now and I still love him, I try going out which I do every other weekend, I have other friends, he has a new girlfriend he started dating a month back and he has moved on. We still speak twice a week for 20 minutes on the phone. He doesn't give me mixed signals, he treats me as a friend, he obviously cares about me but I have no doubts he has moved on. But I haven't and the thing is I don't want to love him anymore and I try every day but he occupies my mind, I cry still allmost daily. I'm totally and utterly in love with him, the pain and hurt is still as strong when I allow it to surface. There has even been lads who have attracted my attention and me to them but I get this horrible sick feeling which is "him" and then I shy away and close right up because it doesn't feel right to me.

You suggest conselling, well I have spoken to my doctor several occasions and then several conversations with the samaritans because it got to a stage where I didn't want to carry on anymore.Yet nothing has changed I feel no different I'm still irrevocably in love with him, so here is my question how do you stop loving someone ? Someone please tell me because I am seriously at a loss here.

I too would suggest counselling.Your GP should be able to help you out with that. And if you're still in touch with your ex that's keeping you from getting over him. You need to go no contact as every contact opens up your pain again.
Have you read the stickies with breakup advice at the top of the relationship page?
You will get over this when you actively start putting the breakup behind you.
Take care.

I am really sorry that you're finding it so difficult to let go of this relationship. So, I know you're going to hate what I'm going to say next.

You have to stop having contact with him.

He's been honest and kind, but his kindness is killing you. By keeping in contact and speaking to him - even though you are just friends, it keeps him present in your life and in your mind.

The thing is, you may never really stop loving him, he may always be in your mind as your first real love, even when you fall in love with someone else. But, you simply must accept that there is no future with this person, and you must make the choice to move on with your life.

Stop all contact, let him know it's for your mental and emotional health. Delete him from all your electronic devices. Go to the video store and hire 10 sad movies. Buy 10 boxes of tissues. Cry 10 truckloads of tears.

Make another appointment with the doctor and get a referral to a relationships counselor. Start focusing on the process of moving on with your life and detaching from him.

You don't just stop loving someone, but you can deal with the disappointment of loss, by getting your own life that makes you happy without them. Its easier to deal with loss, when you have something to look forward too. So start making a plan to have something to look forward to, like a hobby, or activity, a job, or even classes on an interesting subject.

Ok wow, I found this in my favourites today, it's nearly six years ago since I posted this, and guess what, I'm still very much in love with him... We are still friends and still speak twice a week, we even hangout on Skype and still watch TV shows and films together. I wasn't able to break ties with him, I probably should have because I have suffered these years and still feel raw pain at times. I have dated on and off but still no one can fill that void, I have even embarked on a new career and gone back to school, I have got things in my life which are exciting and new and still my heart is his. I don't think we ever stop loving the ones we truly loved. I think, actually I know I will love him for the rest of my life and I so wish that I didn't and that I won't but I know it's futile to say otherwise.

But if anyone does read this and felt the way I did all those years ago, then here is some advice I am seriously stressing to you - be braver and stronger than I ever was, believe in you and what you are capable of, be free and let it go, for your own sake and well being... Because I have experienced the other option and what is facing you if you don't is a dark world of pain and that is something I never want to experience again or would wish on anyone in this world.

6 years of life wasted. If you two haven't made the move to be closer then it's nothing more than a dream or fantasy. 6 years of my life would never be wasted on a dream. Wow!

I believe it's never to late to make positive changes, but I thank you for your update and wish you the best in the future.

I agree, read, what you wrote, then, and now,

You still have just a online friend, and have failed to make a real love. He has his real life, with real girlfriends (I assume) and you still accept a few chats and a skype call.

You need to stop, break contract, and stop talking with him. Let the feelings go back to nice memories and find real life,

I will agree, you have wasted so many years,

Thank you for the replies but you are missing the point, I haven't wasted my time because I have been and still am very much open to new people and new loves, and I and him are the best of friends you could ever have and we care very much for one another and if things were different we both admit we would be together. But things are not different our life paths are very far apart.

The reason I posted yesterday was to let anyone know who might be in the same place as me all those years ago to think very carefully about settling for friends and having contact to no contact at all, it isn't an easy thing to do and if I could go back in time and change my choice then I probably would but those six years have gone and even though it has been stupidly hard and still is every now and then, we have both gained a beautiful friendship the kind that you only find if you are very lucky. We will be in each others life's forever one way or another and I couldn't ask for more, I also live in hope that I will meet someone soon who will sweep me off my feet and I really look forward to that too! :)

Yes I love him, yes it has been awful for me at times (he has suffered too by the way) and no I don't advise anyone to keep contact, I guess it's hard for some people to comprehend and that's OK too. But it is what it is, if I had been stronger then yeah, maybe I wouldn't have gone through the dark times I did but now all these years later I'm OK, actually I'm better than OK I'm really happy and I cannot wait to see what life brings me next.

Riversong, I wish you all the best. You appear to have both feet on the grounds.

Tick

I think that's a healthy attitude to have as I believe a learning experience, though it has many growing pains, is seldom a waste of time. LOL, this solid friendship may have a better value than a failed romance that hurts badly, and never mends.

You seem to have come out well, and can speak from your experience, that you shared with others. That has a great value in itself. You are one of the lucky ones that has thrived, and survived through this tough experience. Most do not do as well at all.

Much luck, and good life.

With your permission I will close this thread and save the debate of old news and hope you hang around and continue to share your experience, and insights, with those suffering with the same circumstances.