I had a relationship for nearly five years. After first 3.5 years we were living away as I was still in graduate school. Broke up up because ( his impatience, distance, etc), and the guy got engaged (and married subsequently) someone he met on a short visit to his country. In fact we broke up when he got engaged, we were beginning to have some arguments for about six months before that. Otherwise the relationship was peaceful, trustful and loving till the end. He was always a very nice and balanced person, as I saw him. It was a big surprise to me because of the speed of events, and the way the guy acted out in the end. I am sure I had a hand in all this. May be I was too dependent, and too easy going. And wasn't listening to his side.
In any case, I never contacted him since then. Why contact a now married man who has happily chosen that life? I suffered a great loss, lack of friends, and all sorts of problems but maintained no contact. I don't know how he is doing. My guess is all is well. My problem is that I still find myself angry at the events. I have not had a relationship, nor want to have at this point. I feel I have a lot of unexpressed anger .(I also have a lot of stress at the moment, which perhaps aggravates it. I also lost considerable time dealing with myslef last year) Do you have any suggestions about how I could deal with my periodic outbursts, and what to expect in furture? He wrote to me in between saying sorry (after six months) and two other emails basically saying hi. When I got first apology I think it helped me a bit overtime. I don't like that I am not still myself. I hope I can eventually be as calm and confident I used to be.

Its been a long time since your breakup and you might consider professional help to sort this out.counselling is my suggestion.you need to find out why you still feel this anger.it seems to me that you have put your life on hold and you deserve to allow yourself to move on.

Here is something that helped me. I also felt angry and bitter towards my X. I talked about her in a bad light and was really mad that she was making, in my opinion, really bad life decisions after we broke up.. like dating a old rich man, flying around the world, and etc etc.. So I had a tough time with that and hated her for it.

One day I was venting to someone and you could obviously tell I was not over it, and my friend who was recently divorced because her husband was having gay sex, (which is a pretty big thing to have to cope with in a marriage, to find that out)

she had a lot of bitterness to him and she told me what helped her:


she said... So you hate your X and you are mad, your bitter, and you can't get over it. But while you are angry, mad, and bitter towards her, she is living her life, and enjoying herself, and doing all these things that you can't stand. So the only person who is unhappy is yourself. Your X doesn't know how hurt you are, your X doesn't see you have outbursts. Your X could very well be over it... so why let it consume you? Why have outbursts? Its not going to change the bad decisions your X makes.. its not going to hurt your X. all it does it hurt you and make it so you can't heal and move on.

after that I realized that I need to let it go, its not worth it, who cares, let your X do what they want to do.. it shouldn't affect me and what I do. And it really helped... you just have to move on.. the sooner you do, the sooner a better thing will come to you.

Five years is a long time, and its obvious you need more time to get over what seemed to be a strong attachment.

Be patient with yourself, and more proactive in your healing. That means you need a life, that you enjoy, to help cope with your present stresses, and past anger.

Stress relief, through exercise, and activities, that you enjoy, is what I advise at this time.

Sport, sport and sport is what you need. Also you need sport. Seriously you need to take care of yourself actively. If you take care of your body, your body will take care of your mind (mind is linked to body, body to mind).

Thank you everyone, will try out everything. I am actually much better now than I was after the break up. .
I am glad to find this forum.

@ talaniman: you are right. Will keep moving accordingly.

Glad we helped.look after yourself.

In addition to what the others have mentioned, I suggest that you meet new people. Meeting new people will make you feel like you have a fresh start.