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New Member
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Jan 3, 2011, 06:36 PM
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The typical cliché boyfriend problem, That I realize I need help deciding on.
All right so,
I figured I'd try a website like this out so I could get the opinions of people that aren't biased.
I've been dating this guy for almost 3 months now, and makes me happy, He's an overall good boyfriend, and never ceases to try to make me happy when we're together.
But there's a downside to him, that I knew from the beginning was there, but didn't know the full capacity of it.
He frequently dabbles in drug use, which I was told was limited to mainly marijuana, but I have recently been told stories of cocaine and other life-****ing drugs like that. He claims he just "wants to try everything once" and says he wouldn't repeat use of most of the things he has tried, but it seems cocaine is a reoccurring factor.
I'm not dumb, and I know its super addicting, so I warn and try my best to make him understand that drug use of any kind is not something I want later on in my future with my boyfriend.
I don't do any drugs myself, and make it known I hate them. He's cut back but has yet to completely wipe them out of his schedule. Should I wait longer? I realize we have only been dating three months, so its kind of early for me to jump the gun and say he's never going to change. I like to think he would, since he's already made so many small changes.
Although the other day in the car he mentioned that he wanted to be a seller.
Like honestly? What the f**k right. I don't know what do for real.
He's such a good guy honestly, he's smart as hell, and he knows what's right but lacks to act on it because of some circumstances (he doesn't have a support system because his dad used to abuse him, and he lacks trust of his mother).
I want to save him, and provide him an environment away from his friends one day with my own apartment.
Am I being to caring and giving?
Sorry this is so long, and there's like, twenty questions throughout this little rant, but I'd really appreciate the advice.
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New Member
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Jan 3, 2011, 07:03 PM
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Well that certainly is a story. My advice,for what its worth, is... leave now. It a dream to think that he will stop, even with your help. I grew up with a father the was and still is "addicted" to alcohol.I am 34 now. What I have learned is, there is no such thing as addiction. It is a CHOICE that people do drugs.If he wanted to stop,he would.Not for you or "something bigger",but because he wants to.The things you say about being smart... I'm a little skeptical. Repeadedly doing something that could put one in jail for a while is anything but. I say these things because I've seen how the years of this behavior hurt my mother. I wish you luck with whatever your choice will be. Just remember,not all good deeds are rewarded.
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Expert
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Jan 3, 2011, 10:08 PM
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Better you stick to your own convictions and keep drugs and the people who use them out of your life. End of story.
Unless you are as hooked on him as he is on his dope. No you can't save him except by leaving him, and his drugs alone, and letting him make his own choice. No matter where you put him, will make little difference unless you intend to watch him 24/7.
Now you can believe whatever your heart tells you, but when you accept his behavior, you will get more of it.
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New Member
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Jan 4, 2011, 09:59 AM
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Your a good woman by caring for him... but in order to help a person the person has to help himself... and if you take him to where you live, he's going to get you caught up in his mess.if he loves you he will change his ways. Not a little, not a lot, but the whole way.
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Marriage Expert
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Jan 4, 2011, 10:35 AM
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How old are both of you? What are your plans for your life? What were plans before you got involved with him? What are your plans now?
Do you really want to be his mother and father (well, the ones he didn't have)? That is what you are setting yourself up as. I think you have a good heart and you do care but I am not certain if it is about him or the hurt child that you see inside him. It is a child that you can't help. He has to and if his comment about selling is any indication, he really isn't ready. Most people don't turn around their lives until there isn't any choice other than death.
I think you may need to talk to people who have been in your shoes and can help you see the choices more clearly. One place to find out more is Al-anon. It is for the loved ones and friends of people who have addictions. Welcome to Al-Anon and Alateen
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Ultra Member
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Jan 4, 2011, 11:13 AM
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Some people can cold turkey cocaine, but almost always go back to using it unless they go through counseling to get to the root of the problem.
I really only have 3 words - RUN RUN RUN!!
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