I'm trying to navigate my way through this confusing and frustrating make-up situation with my ex. Not saying saying that we ARE making up, because I feel like I'm the only one trying right now. But perhaps you fine people can see something that I'm not. Really hoping here.

So, I was with him, Bruce, for about three, almost four, years. We had a very close, intimate relationship. I basically know everything about him. I can tell if he's mad just by looking at him, even if he's trying his hardest to cover it up. When he laughs at nothing, I can already tell you what he's laughing at. And at the same time, he knows everything about me. I'm a quiet, fairly shy person, while he's a huuuuugely social indivual.

We were the make-up/break-up type of couple. There would be huge, dramatic fights that usually ended up with one of us storming away or telling the other to get the f**k out. I ended up cheating on him for the last 2 months of the relationship (with John), after being accused of lying and cheating on him for almost the entire relationship. My thought was that if he's going to accuse me and believe it I might as well be doing it. I know that was not good reasoning, but it's why I did it. It was with one person, and the only period that I cheated. Throughout the years, I know he has cheated on me. Twice that I found out about, confronted him, eventually forgave him, and then never brought it up again. Recently, during our months apart, he confessed to cheating on me more than those two times and countless more times before and during the time I cheated on him. So, the "official" reason for breaking up was me cheating. It's what he's told our friends, and his family, and I never had a chance to say otherwise.

The relationship ended last December. Since then, I have started a relaionship with John and everything is fine between us. For Bruce, he didn't really believe that I wasn't going to come back. For two months he would call and leave me messages, alternating between telling me how much he cares and loves me and angry, desperate ones saying how he hates me for breaking his heart and he never wants to see me again. I never answered or called back. From mutual friends, I'm told he spent this time in his house being completely depressed and crying over me. Eventually, he got over it and began drinking and partying and screwing any chick that would have him. About two months ago, he reunited with his ex before me and actually seemed happy. One month ago, he crashed his girlfriend's car and flipped about eight times ending up in the hospital with very minor injuries. But all I heard was the about the accident and him being in the hospital. I worried and cried because I knew I couldn't be there. I called him asking if he was okay, and he was very distant, almost mean. After that, I called and texted him almost everyday telling him I loved him and would give anything to be in his heart again. For about a week I got silence. He eventually called back and we talked about what happened between us and how hurt he was. The conversation ended with him telling me that his girlfriend was pregnant and they were going to move in together and start a family. The only thing I could think of was 'that should be me. He's living our life together with her.' After that I seriously began to be unhappy. I broke up with John and told him that I wasn't over my ex. He understood, but still hopes to get back together after I figure out what's going on with me.

Since then, I began talking and seeing Bruce again on dates, if you could call it that. For almost a week, we saw each other everyday and it felt like our older, happier days. He broke up with his girlfriend after paying for her new car and some damages. After that first week, he literally stopped making any effort to be with me. It was me texting and calling and setting times to meet up. He would not call me unless he was drunk and thinking of me (usually in the middle of the night, *sigh*), or if I specifically asked him to, like after work or something. He said it was up to me to make the effort, because I was the one who messed up the relationship. He thinks there is no effort required on his part, since I'm the one who wants him back. After about two weeks of making the best effort I could, and watching him hit on chicks because he's "technically still single" (his words), I was fed up and told him that he needs to try and until he realizes that I'm wasn't going to be his fake, convenient girlfriend anymore. His response was that he was trying to 'test' me and see how far I'll go to be with him. That he knows he's not making an effort and wanted to make me feel like he did in those first few months when I was gone. I got SO VERY UPSET, and told him to f**k off and that I wasn't going to play his little game anymore. Then I left.

So, that's where I am right now. I want to be with him, but I'm not sure if he's still the same person I loved. On the other end, John is so very understanding in all this and seems so normal and perfect right about now. But I don't know. I just don't know.

Help?

*I know this was very long and probably a little boring. Sorry..

Stop trying to reunite with the ex.

Your relationship was/is toxic.
Breakup,makeup and break again and again with mutual cheating thrown into the mix.

Plus he may have paid for his most recent ex's(same girl,second time around?) car,but if she is pregnant,he has at least 18 years of responsibilities towards that child ahead of him.

Heal from that relationship,and learn how to be happy single before you start thinking about having a relationship again.

This is one of the most dysfunctional relationships I have ever see. After all the cheating and bad behavior you two are still trying to guilt the other person into doing what the other wants, instead of letting good common sense lead to dignity and self respect.

This relationship has sunk to a new low, of degrading behavior, manipulation, and control, so maybe you two deserve each other. Neither of you have the sense to leave each other alone, and that's exactly what needs to happen.

I'm not understanding why you want to go back to the make up break up, being cheated on and cheating yourself relationship. This was not a good one anyway.

Bruce has enough on his hands with a baby coming, he dumped the baby's momma to get back with you now he's gone again.

John is decent but this back and forth you're playing with Bruce is not fair to. He is either going to end up hurt or tired of it.
It's like you don't want to be treated decent, you're addicted to drama.
Leave them both alone. Get your head on straight