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    Trouble with my relationship.

    Asked Dec 13, 2011, 12:52 PM — 20 Answers
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    I've been having a bit of trouble with girlfriend lately. All we've been doing is fighting and then making up. We've been going out for 7 months and a few days. At first it was pretty nice and I was happy and she was happy and that's all that mattered.
    Lately, I just feel like I don't care anymore. I need my space. I feel like things are getting too serious and it scares me.
    She claims that I am the love of her life and that I am one of the best things that has happened to her.
    This is my first relationship and this is her 2nd.
    She wants to transfer to my school if possible and perhaps move in with me after college if we last that long.
    I just want to live alone. I like being alone.
    I wish things were simpler like before.
    Last night she told me that I seem a lot different than I was before: not romantic and cold. She tells me that I am not like she thought I was that I am different, compared to before where we had many things in common.

    Last night I told her that what we have is love not true love and that I don't think true love even exists. I did tell her that I do love and care for her though and that won't change.
    That set her off.
    We might break up.
    I am not sure how I feel about this. I don't know if I am happy or sad. I probably feel indifferent if you will.
    I just feel like she should have someone how is there for her all the time. Who wants to talk to her everyday without fail.
    She needs someone like that and I don't know if I am like that anymore.
    My idea of a relationship differs from her's I suppose.
    I always thought that if I went out with someone we'd hang out on weekends. Talk for a little bit and go on with our lives. I never really thought of relationships growing up, only my goals and my future. Relationships for me were always optional, always secondary, not really important until I got a lot older.

    Her think idea of a relationship is a promise and that she feels that she'll never be happy again if anything happened to us.
    Yes I believe that when you are with someone you are faithful to them but you don't spend every waking minute on the phone with them. You give them the space they need and plan nice little dates every now and then.

    I don't really know what to do to be quite honest.
    Do I wait it out and see if it's just me?
    Do I do something about it and end it?

    Please I really need some advice. I am going crazy.
    Thanks.

    Last edited by I wish; Jan 25, 2012 at 04:04 PM.
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 51,632, Reputation: 10725
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    #2

    Dec 13, 2011, 01:54 PM
    Relax, and don't sweat it, just be honest with her about how you feel, and if that doesn't bring about changes, you end it. Now I know I make it sound simple, but emotionally its very hard. Whether its your first or the 50th, break ups suck, that's just life, and getting along with another human is damn hard, and its great at first but the longer you know them, the more things you find out about them, and its usually not that good.

    It happens though, many times for some of us. But it never gets easier. But honesty is the best approach. Tell her exactly how you feel, and what you want, and I suspect you would be better off ending things, and stopping contact, but still have to be honest about it.
    Helpful (1)
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,703, Reputation: 2581
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    #3

    Dec 13, 2011, 02:00 PM
    After 7 months, (which is really a trial period, a get to know each other time) you have found she is not who you want to spend your life with, in fact you two are not on the same page as far as relationships go. There is nothing wrong with that, you two are just different.
    Be honest with her and go on from there. Someone may get hurt but it is always best to just be honest about how you feel.
    Helpful (3)
    starsandbowties's Avatar
    starsandbowties Posts: 12, Reputation: 2
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    #4

    Dec 13, 2011, 02:06 PM
    Thank you so much for your answers.
    It's been really hard. Haven't stopped thinking about it all day and I have a final tonight.
    She has problems of her own and I'm just afraid that she might do something that will harm her.
    I'll think on it some more.
    Thanks again.
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    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,703, Reputation: 2581
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    #5

    Dec 13, 2011, 02:16 PM
    I think you should give her more credit. She will no doubt be hurt but she will be fine.
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    starsandbowties's Avatar
    starsandbowties Posts: 12, Reputation: 2
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    #6

    Dec 13, 2011, 03:08 PM
    She told me that she thought about killing herself after one particular fight.
    I know I should. I am just worried about her.
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    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,703, Reputation: 2581
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    #7

    Dec 13, 2011, 03:30 PM
    You can worry but she will be fine.
    You guys have only been dating 7 months. Has she shown signs of being unstable?
    Helpful
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 51,632, Reputation: 10725
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    #8

    Dec 13, 2011, 05:01 PM
    Don't let her manipulate you through emotional blackmail. That's not a healthy way to keep a partner. Dump her, and tell her family what she said.
    Helpful
    starsandbowties's Avatar
    starsandbowties Posts: 12, Reputation: 2
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    #9

    Dec 13, 2011, 06:13 PM
    She is a little unstable at times. It depends on the day really.
    I know I shouldn't.
    I'll keep you guys posted as to what happens with this okay?
    Thank you again.
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    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,703, Reputation: 2581
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    #10

    Dec 13, 2011, 06:34 PM
    Good luck
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    starsandbowties's Avatar
    starsandbowties Posts: 12, Reputation: 2
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    #11

    Dec 13, 2011, 11:33 PM
    I am going to try to see what happens. I wrote her a letter explaining everything.
    Helpful
    rikku3464's Avatar
    rikku3464 Posts: 44, Reputation: 2
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    #12

    Dec 19, 2011, 06:20 AM
    Do what you can, she will be fine. If she gets any worse tell her parents but make sure her friends know what's going on or someone she hangs with a lot, so they can watch her.but I'm not saying she needs a babysitter. Only if she gets worse. If she loves you as much as she says she does then she is probable telling you the truth. But don't let her control you by scaring you. Just keep your head up and follow your heart. If you need space you have to tell her that, she probable wants to be close to you because she feels protected or bored I don't know, there are many different situations. How about tonight or when you get a chance ask her about her childhood and if anything bad has happened if you already no or if she tells you then that is probable why she wants to stay near or in contact with you. She is most likely scared of something. If she freaks then just let her but don't let her out of your site. Maybe if you know what's going through her head, then you will understand what's going on and why she wants to be with you. I don't know but even if you don't want to be with her I would do this just so you know if she is going to be safe or not.
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    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,703, Reputation: 2581
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    #13

    Dec 19, 2011, 06:52 AM
    You broke up with her via a letter?
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    starsandbowties's Avatar
    starsandbowties Posts: 12, Reputation: 2
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    #14

    Jan 25, 2012, 12:25 PM
    Something that's been bothering me.
    So I am back yet again.
    I haven't been on in a while.
    I was wondering if I should be with a person if I don't really see a future with them.
    I've been going out with my girlfriend for 9 months today.
    When haven't been speaking for the past 5 days or so.

    She was depressed last time I spoke to her and has been ignoring me since.
    I tried contacting her but she won't answer so I just stopped.
    I find that when she gets depressed I really don't want to be around her.
    I know I should want to help her but I sometimes feel like it is too much for me to handle.
    I've been dealing with this for the past few months or so.
    It's a sort of cycle: She gets depressed and then I tend to feel like crap.

    Any advice?
    I don't think I am happy.
    Helpful
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,506, Reputation: 4594
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    #15

    Jan 25, 2012, 12:50 PM
    If you aren't happy in the relationship and see no future you already know what you have to do.

    You need to move on.

    I'm impressed (seriously) that you see the relationship as clearly as you do. So many people post and sort of waiver back and forth. You know yourself, you know what you need/want - and you aren't getting it.
    Helpful
    starsandbowties's Avatar
    starsandbowties Posts: 12, Reputation: 2
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    #16

    Jan 25, 2012, 01:40 PM
    Thinking about things concerning my relationship
    So I am back yet again.
    I haven't been on in a while.
    I was wondering if I should be with a person if I don't really see a future with them.
    I've been going out with my girlfriend for 9 months today.
    When haven't been speaking for the past 5 days or so.

    She was depressed last time I spoke to her and has been ignoring me since.
    I tried contacting her but she won't answer so I just stopped.
    And when she did answer is was two or more hours later resulting in my staying up late. I found that completely inconsiderate of her and I've told her just to tell me when she didn't want to talk but she didn't.

    I find that when she gets depressed I really don't want to be around her.
    I know I should want to help her but I sometimes feel like it is too much for me to handle.
    I feel as if I have invested most of my energy into her and her feelings than anything else.
    I've been dealing with this for the past few months or so.
    It's a sort of cycle: She gets depressed and then I tend to feel like crap.

    She can be a bit condescending at times. She says "D'aw that's cute" when I tell her things about my family.
    I find it quite irritating.
    I find that I don't want to talk to her most of the time when she contacts me but I do so anyway.
    And if I say something that contradicts her opinion her (ex: Not liking her favorite movie a much because I find the ending very melodramatic) she gets offended.

    I feel like I do not care as much as I should and that we are more friends than anything else.
    (Long distance relationship)

    Also is it ****ty of me to want to focus more on my school priorities more than my relationship?
    I am in my second semester of college. I want to do well and I don't want to be distracted. We talk a lot and I find that to be distracting. I used to push aside my school work last semester to talk to her because she was lonely but she never really did that for me.

    Any advice?
    I don't think I am happy.
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    starsandbowties's Avatar
    starsandbowties Posts: 12, Reputation: 2
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    #17

    Jan 25, 2012, 01:58 PM
    Now she decided to talk to me perhaps for the sole reason that we hit nine months today.
    I don't know what to think or what to do.
    Do I continue in this relationship and see how it goes from here or should I break it off?
    Helpful
    mmresd's Avatar
    mmresd Posts: 2,001, Reputation: 552
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    #18

    Jan 25, 2012, 02:19 PM
    It definitely doesn't sound like you are happy. End the relationship, it really seems like neither of you are really interested in the other person, kind of just thrown together for whatever reason.
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    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,703, Reputation: 2581
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    #19

    Jan 25, 2012, 02:35 PM
    Re read what you wrote. Why would you want to stay in a relationship with her?
    She does not sound happy with you either.
    Get out of it.
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    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,287, Reputation: 2028
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    #20

    Jan 25, 2012, 04:08 PM


    Sounds like things are only getting worse with time. If things don't get better soon, this relationship is going to end whether you want it or not.

    If you want to work things out, then put in the necessary effort to make it work. If you don't put in the necessary effort, then you're just wasting each other's time. You can't have your cake and eat it too. You either stick with the relationship and work at it, or give up and allow each other to move on with your lives.
    Helpful

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