I'm think I'm in love with two men and don't know what to do. I need advice ASAP. I was with guy#1 for 2 1/2 years and had a baby with him (child just turned 2). When we first met we were so in love with each other practically inseparable. When I was 18 and he was 23 we planned to have a baby kind of crazy I know, but I was in love and we said we would be together forever. I ended up having a miscarriage it was devastating. We both we deeply saddened and that made us want a baby even more. I was told I couldn't get pregnant for 8 weeks- until my hormones went back to normal. Miraculously I was pregnant again 4 weeks later! We were both so happy when we found out.

During my pregnancy we started fighting a lot. He didn't want me to work since the miscarriage so he was the only one working during my pregnancy. Although, when he wasn't working he was always out with his friends drinking, going to the bars to play pool, and those sorts of things. It really hurt me I felt like I was in this alone. He did go to every doctors appointment, and supported me so I felt as though he deserved to have some free time just not all the time.

After I had the baby he hardly would help me out. We were constantly fighting because I was always tired and trying to get him to understand that I needed more help. It was especially hard in the middle of the night because he wouldn't help. I know he was working during the day but he wouldn't even sit up to change the baby once I was done feeding.

I had nobody to talk to except my mother so I was constantly telling her about the stuff going on. She was sick of it ans pretty much lost respect for him. He got laid off at one point when the baby was 3 months. I eventually was so over tired and stressed from feeling like I was already doing it alone that I listened to my mom and left. I moved in with her for about 5 months. It was stressful living at home with a baby. I stared to reconnet with old friends on Myspace one which end up being guy#2. My ex and I had been trying to work things out. He swore he would change and not be like that anymore. He said he wanted to be a family and get married so we got another place together. Things were good in the beginning but he now had a job working 2-11 so I barely saw him because I go to school during the day and he works 2nd shift. It was really hard I feel like that affected our relationship a lot. We barely had a sex life, and we were struggling with money right off the bat of moving in this new place.

I had talked to guy#2 once over the period when my ex and I broke up. We made plans to hang out but they fell through. Then a couple months later he called and we hung out for a couple hours at my cousins house and watched a movie. There was never a romantic connection between the two of us we were just friends.

Then once my ex and I were living together again Guy#2 called me. We hung out nothing happened he was just an old friend of 5 years.

My boyfriend got laid off work again which caused even more stress on our relationship. We ended up splitting up and he moved back with his family and hour away. Things got nasty between us. He had always been very jealous, he didn't want me to have friends and started to act crazy. He was constantly harassing me, driving by my house, blowing up my phone all day. At one point he was trying to do everything he could to make it harder in me.
Guy#2 and I started hanging out more. He is very nice not really my time but his personality and him being so caring made him more attractive to me. He paid my rent for me after my ex left with it unpaid and I had an eviction notice. He would help me out with stuff for my daughter and bill's and always made sure I had everything I needed. I'm so lucky and grateful he was there for me because I probably would've been on the street or back at mom's.

Guy#2 seemed to have things going for himself well he was going to school and showed some motivation to not struggle in life to make ends meet. That to me was very attractive because my ex had no motivation to get a better job or want more for us as a family.

Guy#2 and I have been seeing each other for about a year and in the meantime a lot had gone on. He moved in with me which was good until he stared to show his true side. He really didn't have motivation to even do his schoolwork. He actually is quit lazy and doesn't help out much around the house. He is good to my child who has grown to like him and has done some many first things with him in the picture.

The whole time my ex has wanted me back and was very persistent. However, I have been so scared of being hurt again and making a mistake that I have been trying to hol d back my feelings for him. He also was very mean and hurtful when we broke up the last time. He didn't try to reconcile at first well he did but I wouldn't because he hadn't showed that he changed. So instead he just got nasty. We both had seen other people and it's been a year. He says he has never stopped loving me and really wants to be a family. He said he lost the best thing that ever happened to him and if I give him another chance he won't mess up this time. We finally just finshed going through the courts. I really want to believe him because I do still love him. I did chose to have his baby and our initial connection was so strong I just wonder what happened. He knows about Guy#2 who is no longer living woth me but he still helps me out a lot.

Guy#2 is very nice and a good person but sometimes I question whether he's the one. He is very much in love with me and would do anything for me and my child. I feel like being around him so much is starting to drive us apart. After 6 months he also got very jealous. He doesn't like me going out or he has to check in on me. He doesn't trust me for some reason. I have never given him a reason not to. I've told him he's being just like my ex and he has sworn to change but it been months and its worst than ever. I feel like him being insecure is pushing me away from him and I told him that and still nothing. I tried breaking it off to see if things would change and he just got cruel and started saying mean stuff.
Basically I feel like I'm repeating the same thing with Guy#2 as my ex. He is good to me but part of me wonders if I'm in love with him or what he can do for me. For a while I wouldn't have made it without him and had no choice. When I'm not with him I miss him but then when I'm with him he drives me crazy. Part of me felt like I needed space to clear my head and think but he has to be with me every second of everday so I hadn't had a chance. I never can just focus on myslef or child. I lost focuse in school and to everyhting that mattered to me. My ex has swore he has changed and its been long enough for him to see what he had so I really do want to believe him. My mother still doesn't like him and tells me I'm crazy for thinking about getting back with him. My ex has been saying this for a while now and has been showing he wants to make the commitment and be a family but that he can't wait forever. I need to do something quick. My child has a great relationship with both these men and I don't want he getting hurt either. Do I stay with someone who helps more than I could ever ask for but who I'm not head over heels for. Or do I take a chance and go back to my ex who I feel I still love and always will where I may struggle and have my mom whom I'm very close with upset. I have alos given my ex a couple chances before and nothing ever did change. Either way guy #2 is going to be upset and cruel or my mom gets upset.

You said you've been through the courts so I assume you've got child support and everything else sorted out.
Your child's dad will always be in your life because you have that child together. That doesn't mean you should be in a relationship with him.
Neither of these men are good partner material so you need to realise that you are capable of being a good strong single mom.
Go it alone,with the support of your family.

Amicon is dead on the money. Your choice of partners is lousy, and you really need to get them both out of your life.

It's a big red flag that the only thing you are worried about from either of these fellows is which one is more helpful, and not the fact they act the same, possessive, and jealous.

Be your own self for a change and stop settling for a guy who is a lousy partner or you will be in the same do-do you just got out of.

Better to have family be there to support you, until you can support yourself, and have nothing to do with either guy.

Stay away from guys in general, until you figure out what the hell you could be thinking about. This doesn't even look good on paper.

You have got to make better choices for yourself.

I think that you should concentrate on your child's welfare while finishing school.

One day, guy #3 will come along.

Good luck.

Yes, we just got the child support and everyhting settled. I do know he will always be apart of my life because we have a beautiful child together. I just always find myself wondering if maybe he has changed. He seems so sincere now unlike before he never wanted to talk. I just don't want to get hurt or make a mistake. But what if he has changed and actually realized what he had put me through. Again, I want to just stay strong and do it on my own like I have been. But then I also wonder if I would be making a mistake not going back cause "how do u know unless you give it a shot." I don't want to always be wondering if we could've ever been. We were both young at the time and still had a lot of growing up to do. He is now 26 and I'm 21. Im so confused

You gave him a shot, now give yourself one, just in case he still ain't got it together.

You've given him a couple of chances-nothing changed.
Time to let go of that false hope and move on-on your own.

Because you love him, and he is the father of your child, I understand you wanting to give it another go.

BUT, what has he done to show you that he is a different person?

Anyone can just SAY that they are changed for the better, most guys in his position do it. But are you willing to go through all that for nothing? And prove your mother right once again?

You said that you don't want to "make a mistake". We all do, but not repeatedly.

Even as a child, we know when something burns to the touch, we don't do that again.

Are you willing to get burned again?

I suppose you are right. There is a reason we broke up. I've been told people don't change, but I want to believe he has. He was friends with a girl who's boyfriend at the time was putting her through the same thing. He said it made him take a step back and look at himself. He stated he did not want to be that person and that life is to short to argue all the time. Maybe you are right though I have given him chances and nothing chnaged. Do you think people can change over time? They just have to do it for themselves... right?

Yes they have to want to change-for themselves. Meanwhile its not a good idea hanging around waiting for something that may never happen.