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    clandestine1's Avatar
    clandestine1 Posts: 71, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
     
    #1

    Apr 26, 2010, 09:09 PM
    Timing of contact from ex
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Something that baffles me until this day... if you and your ex have both moved on, are with other people, and are still in light contact, is their a significance to them texting you on important events in their relationship?

    On my ex's one year, he texted me that morning. That threw me a bit, but I figured it was coincidence. Throughout his relationship, which is now an open relationship according to Facebook, he's kept this up. We come and go out of each others lives, always on pretty good terms. He texted me the day before New Years, then again the same day he attended a family event for the girl he's dating. Then again a week later, which was right before going on vacation with his friends.

    If you're with someone else, even just dating someone without a commitment, why still contact your ex on important events of that "relationship?"
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #2

    Apr 26, 2010, 09:37 PM

    Its an open relationship, he keeps contact with possible friends with benefits. Or its open on her end, and he is lonely. Take your pick, but keep your distance. Is this him?

    https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ed-431735.html

    If it is, why are you still in contact with him? Cut it out!!
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
    Uber Member
     
    #3

    Apr 26, 2010, 10:10 PM

    If this is the ex from your previous thread,why on earth are you still in touch with him?

    Having nothing more to do with him would be the obvious thing.
    friend4u178's Avatar
    friend4u178 Posts: 3,349, Reputation: 1584
    Ultra Member
     
    #4

    Apr 26, 2010, 10:13 PM

    He's keeping you on leash in case he ever wants something , and your allowing it by answering , betcha he's rubbing his hands together.

    STOP replying to his messages and he'll soon realise that your not available for his future advances and start looking elsewhere. You've already dealt with the hurt , why even contemplate going back down that avenue.
    jmw0713's Avatar
    jmw0713 Posts: 1,012, Reputation: 305
    Ultra Member
     
    #5

    Apr 27, 2010, 08:20 AM

    It's called emotional manipulation. He is punishing you by making it sound like his life with his new partner is great. Don't fall for it. Ignore him and move on. Most phones have a blocking feature (Facebook does as well). Add him to that and be done with it.
    Devorameira's Avatar
    Devorameira Posts: 2,461, Reputation: 981
    Ultra Member
     
    #6

    Apr 27, 2010, 08:26 AM

    I think with an open relationship that he's probably thinking that he'll maintain contact with you just in case he wants someone to sleep with.

    Don't respond to any messages from him.

    You deserve a great guy who loves you, not him.
    Appeal18's Avatar
    Appeal18 Posts: 22, Reputation: 3
    New Member
     
    #7

    Apr 27, 2010, 10:53 AM

    Cut all forms of contact completely, by contacting you're not healing, you're going around in a vicious circle, which will only intensify the hurt.

    Your ex has moved on right? Your ex is getting a buzz and ego boost with this contact, knowing you'll reply. Don't reply at all, try and move on with your life. You can be happy without your ex and with someone else. Don't be a doormat, cut the contact out. I know it's hard, but like everyone else, you'll get through it.
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,296, Reputation: 2030
    Family & People Expert
     
    #8

    Apr 27, 2010, 01:55 PM

    Instead of overthinking and overanalyzing the intention and timing of the text, why not take it for what is? There isn't always a motive or plot behind every action. Sometimes, it's just a straight up message.

    Furthermore, you mentioned that you've had light contact all this time anyway, so the chances of message on that particular day increases. In addition, that specific day can trigger thoughts about a person's ex, so it's only fitting to send a message on that day.

    However, the important thing to consider is how far along are you in the healing process? If you both, especially yourself, have moved on with your life, then a message like this shouldn't affect you too deeply.

    If this message begins to generate false hope of wanting something that you can't have, then I strongly suggest you go back into NC so that you don't set yourself up for a heartbreak.

    Finally, if both of you are with someone else now, don't forget to take into consideration your significant other's feelings.
    ChihuahuaMomma's Avatar
    ChihuahuaMomma Posts: 7,378, Reputation: 608
    Vision Expert
     
    #9

    Apr 27, 2010, 01:59 PM

    Exes are exes for a reason. I see no point in keeping ANY contact with them. Who cares what their reason for contacting you is? You've moved on, cut him out of your life completely.
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,794, Reputation: 2604
    Dating & Teen Expert
     
    #10

    Apr 27, 2010, 02:18 PM

    He should not be texting you at all and why do you even respond?
    If you don't react to what he's doing he will stop. Ignore his texts, he'll get the message.

    If he is in an open relationship maybe he is wanting to use you as a friend with benefits.
    Ignore him!

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