My boyfriend of a few years and I have a loving, caring and intimate relationship together. Last week we had a slightly out of character discussion about our future with children, we do not talk about children and marriage in our future so this was certainly odd that he would bring it up. A few days later he was cold, dry and moody with me, and I knew exactly why it was because this time of year reminds him of a horrible event in his past that occurred one Christmas and he always low during the holiday. Every year, however, I stand by him and we get through it together, though this year he was much worse and I put it down to the fact that he had picked up a bug that he was feeling particularly bad, it also explained why he was quiet and lethargic.

Sadly, any of my attempts to make him feel loved and better were pushed away, he pushed my kisses away, brushed me off him and I started to feel slightly more concerned about the situation as the day went on so I confronted him gently about it. He said "I think I love you, I just can't be sure", "I did love you, at least" and "you were attractive to me" these statements were very hurtful and I couldn't understand where they had come from, the night prior to this he openly, freely without hesitation and as normal as ever said "I love you" and now he does not know at all.

He has called for a break until next week and cancelled Christmas Eve with me which is something we always spend together. He says he need some time to clear his head to be sure he still loves me and if not then it will be over, he handed me my one Christmas gift, which did not surprise me much. He told me many weeks ago what it was and said it would be okay because he would have another little surprise for me and he wouldn't tell me but he never did. I feel quite embarrassed as I have bought him four gifts for this Christmas and his mother has them so he can open them on the day. I am not looking forward to next week at all as I am almost sure he will be leaving, his family are going to question where I was this Christmas Eve and we will be exchanging gifts too. I will be returning some items of his to him as will he to me whichever route we go down.

I am very confused, very hurt, shocked almost, I cannot understand where this has come from so suddenly. I feel I have done something wrong or hurtful towards him but he swears I have not, he is absolutely not doing this because he does not want to leave me just before Christmas because he is an awful liar and I know him all too well. I have not made any effort to contact him as he didn't want me to and I do not intend to either, I just do not know how to feel or what to do with this situation at all, it's so unlike him.

I honestly wouldn't know what to make of this situation either were I in your shoes. Such a sudden change in plans is devastating but that's the first thing to do. Plan the holiday and New Year without him and depend on family and friends to get you through this. At least you will have a plan and not be isolated which is far worse during this time. He made his plan that works for him, now make yours.

I wish I could do something about your shock and the pain that goes with it, and a cyber hug seems inadequate but that's all I got... {CYBER HUG}... and hope you get many more from friends and family, and plenty of personal support until more is revealed to you. It's important to find someplace to lean on until you can stand again, and no doubt you will.

Much luck... vent or rant a needed.

Thank you so much, it is much appreciated. I am very nervous to see him next week, the Christmas gift he gave me is exactly what I wanted since he told me what it was but a lot of me does not want to use it anymore.. My family are not an option to turn to for long and personal reasons I probably should not get into. I have one friend I am leaning to but mostly trying to figure out how I feel and completing some things I've been meaning to get round to doing.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's hard any time it happens, but right before Christmas, which is a difficult time for many people to begin with, is even worse.

Going to throw out a suggestion, not sure if it's just silly, or brilliant, could go either way. If you can't spend Christmas with family, or friends, why not volunteer? You could help make and hand out food to the homeless, most places have homeless shelters that can really use the extra help this time of year. You could visit the kids wing of the hospital, sit with the kids, help them get through Christmas while they're sick and likely without their family. Visit an old age home and play games or simply talk with the residents. Many of them will be without family this year.

It may help you to forget about your own worries by focusing on someone else's. But that's your call. Not sure I could do it, but it may be something you can do. It may help a lot. It would definitely mean so much to the people you visit.

Try your best to put this out of your mind. I know that's not easy, it's likely the only thing you can think about. It's out of your hands. Whatever he decides, he decides. I will say that if I were you, if he comes back and wants to work on the relationship, I'd have a very serious talk with him about how this made you feel, and make sure that he knows that this wasn't okay for him to do.

Merry Christmas.

I will say this, normally a break, is the start of a break up, it shows serious issues that will not get better without counseling or some serious work.

So he had a bad Christmas some years ago, everyone has some bad times. And they are putting a past bad time ahead of their feelings for you.

When they doubt love, it may mean they do not really have the love.

So before I ran back to his arms next week, to know this is just going to happen again, next year and the next and the next.

I would require some terms to get back together. Counseling about this is one of them.