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klynntuck · Jul 27, 2009, 08:13 AM

My boyfriend has friends in his phone that I don't approve of. He has a particular female in his phone that he used to mess with, at one point (before our relationship) he got her pregnant. I don't know what happened to the baby and something in me doesn't care, She didn't have it so they shouldn't have any ties.
Right?
Well, I went through his phone and told him to erase all the old females, I tried to trust that he would, but something inside me told me to check. I did, and of course he didn't erase everything that I asked him to and of course I confronted him. I see a big problem with that.

About a month ago he needed a new phone, the old one broke. He had to write down all his numbers in his phone so that they could be transferred to the new one. I noticed he wrote the girls number down and just put her initials down so that I wouldn't notice what he did. Well I did and once again I confronted him.

It seems to me that this female is a problem. He tells me he loves me and doesn't want anyone but me, but that's hard to believe, almost just as hard as it is to get rid of this girl...

liz28 · Jul 27, 2009, 08:19 AM

Are you upset that he female phone numbers in his phone or that they are his exes?

Just to let you know I still have contact with some of exes and my fiancé knows about it and have no issues with it.

I wish · Jul 27, 2009, 08:20 AM

Even if he deleted her number from his phone, he could still write it down somewhere else or memorize it. So I don't see a difference on whether he deletes the number from his phone or not.

The question is, do you trust him?

No trust = no relationship

klynntuck · Jul 27, 2009, 08:44 AM

Originally Posted by liz28

Are you upset that he female phone numbers in his phone or that they are his exes?

Just to let you know I still have contact with some of exes and my fiance knows about it and have no issues with it.

I think its more of the fact that they are his exes. Its OK to have female friends, but I don't like the fact that he has been with them and had a serious connection with them. I have male friends of my own, but I haven't slept with any of them, they are stickly friends

klynntuck · Jul 27, 2009, 08:47 AM

Originally Posted by I wish

Even if he deleted her number from his phone, he could still write it down somewhere else or memorize it. So I don't see a difference on whether he deletes the number from his phone or not.

The question is, do you trust him?

No trust = no relationship

You are absolutely right, & at this point I'm not really sure that I trust him completely. I would like to and I'm working on it, but until he proves me wrong, I can't say that I will be able to trust again.

jenniepepsi · Jul 27, 2009, 08:50 AM

I have to tell you, in my honest opinion, I think you are being a bit controlling. I still talk to an ex boyfriend, whom I almost married. It simply didn't work. But we are still great friends. My husband trusts us (most importantly ME) and understands our relationship.

You have no proof he is cheating on you, at least you haven't said so.

This is a matter of preference. And if you and your partner do NOT agree, it will NOT work. Plain and simple. It simply cannot work if he thinks its possible for a platonic male/female relationship, and you do not think its possible

Good luck hon.

kctiger · Jul 27, 2009, 08:55 AM

So if you can't trust him again then why are you still in a relationship with him?

I don't see that you will be able to change, nor will he, so I would just call it a draw and part ways with him. Living in constant fear of someone cheating on you is pretty stupid if you ask me.

klynntuck · Aug 17, 2009, 10:28 AM

That's easy for you 2 say. I tried to give him the benfit of the doubt and ask him about it, but he lied. Honestly, would you trust someone who lies to you?:confused:

paxe · Aug 17, 2009, 10:33 AM

Originally Posted by klynntuck

Thats easy for you 2 say. I tried to give him the benfit of the doubt and ask him about it, but he lied. Honestly, would you trust someone who lies to you?:confused:

I don't think it's the issue here. You want to be in control and it shows neediness. You should learn to trust him and forgive him if you truly love him. If you don't trust him you can't build a future together.

talaniman · Aug 17, 2009, 10:42 AM

So why are you still there? He isn't doing what he said he would, and not doing what YOU said he should. What's the point of being with him? Your staying is a hard thing to understand since you can't change him, and he doesn't want you to.

At least you know he texts exes, so you can be text buddies.

CanIBuyAClue · Aug 17, 2009, 02:04 PM

I can't say that I have any enemies, but I like to keep numbers in my phone of people just so I know who is calling. That way if some girl that I did lightly date calls me I know who it is (and not because I'm interested, or text/call them at all). Not defending anybody, just saying I keep girls in my phone who I have done stuff with but have no interest in currently.

Romefalls19 · Aug 17, 2009, 03:21 PM

Wow! You are very very controlling, it wasn't just ex girlfriends that you made him delete, you said "Well, I went through his phone and told him to erase all the old females" Are you his boss? His mother?

Do you have any guys in your phone?

I have a few exes in my phone, they send me a few texts(happy birthday etc) but it's been time being passed and my fiancé is TRUSTING that she is the only one I have eyes for.

Even though she didn't have the baby, it's something they did share together, if she got an abortion, that is sometimes hard to deal with alone and they could both relate to what happened.

By the way, who are you to approve and disapprove of who his friends are? If my fiancé told me to drop any of my friends, I stand true to my words "My friends come first and that's the bottom line"

overayear · Aug 17, 2009, 03:23 PM

You are worrying for no reason. Anything you say or do will not keep him from doing what he wants to do. Like others have said, he can easily remember the number and call from another phone. Its doesn't matter whether he has it in his phone or not. The bigger picture is why are you trying to control him and why be with someone you don't trust.

klynntuck · Oct 27, 2009, 10:33 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Wow! You are very very controlling, it wasn't just ex girlfriends that you made him delete, you said "Well, I went through his phone and told him to erase all the old females" Are you his boss? His mother?

Do you have any guys in your phone?

I have a few exes in my phone, they send me a few texts(happy birthday etc) but it's been time being passed and my fiance is TRUSTING that she is the only one I have eyes for.

Even though she didn't have the baby, it's something they did share together, if she got an abortion, that is sometimes hard to deal with alone and they could both relate to what happened.

By the way, who are you to approve and disapprove of who his friends are? If my fiance told me to drop any of my friends, I stand true to my words "My friends come first and that's the bottom line"

I don't want to control him at all, but every relationship is different and If I cound just leave him alone, I would. I love him and he makes me a happy woman other than the phone issue.

I don't have any male friends in my phone, I don't need them. The only male that is in my phone, and is not related to me is my son's father and he's only in there because he's my son's father. I have everything I need in a man and that is him.

And FYI Friends shouldn't come first. They definitely don't come before your fiancé!!

leon_1991 · Oct 27, 2009, 10:44 AM

I Know where your coming from
Its easy to not trust someone
Especially after he lied about deleting them in the first place, probably makes you think.
" well why lie, what are they so important for? what is he hiding? "

You can't help the fact you feel anxious about him texting ex girlfriends.
And I personally believe anyone would feel the same especially after being lied to about them being deleted!

I think it really boils down to this:
" me or your exes? "

If he chooses you, make sure he understands how you feel about him texting his exes.
My GF would rip me to pieces if I dared to text any of mine!

Romefalls19 · Oct 27, 2009, 11:02 AM

Actually yes, in a lot of ways my friends will come first because they were here before and god forbid, they will be here after. I am lucky enough that my fiancé gets along with my friends, both male and female.

You are still out of line for what you are trying to do

talaniman · Oct 27, 2009, 12:52 PM

I can understand your not feeling comfortable with this girl looming to close, but I think discussion instead of orders would work better for you.

How old is this relationship?
How long ago was this girl pregnant, and what WAS the outcome?
How long was it between their break up, and your relationship starting?

These are all important facts to consider.