Anybody out there for advice would be greatly appreciated.
To be honest I would never of thought I would be in this position 4 months ago, we had been travelling along really well for 4 years. During this time, we had fallen for each other extremely deeply- she was fresh out of school at Uni, and I am a year older. So in essence she hasn't been single for a long time.
Anyway, she was always wanting me to move in with her, she had given up a lot of her friends over the years despite me keeping my networks. I was the least clingy boyfriend, the first few years were hard as she brought a few problems into the relationship and sort of wanted me all to herself. In peoples eyes- if we were ever to break up , people thought it would be me (ego boost!).
The last year was really good, both going in the right direction- plans were being made for our future. Whilst the "spark" was a bit less, we both realised that we loved each other and that realistically the spark that was intense for the first 2 years was always going to subside.
Ok, so I had an opportunity to go away for 4 months- she was all for this as she new I wanted to do this. I was excited- but she ensured me that she wanted to stay together, I was happy with this. As I was away I had a terrible time, I was isolated and naturally my emotions were amplified. I missed her terribly, meanwhile she was back here having fun and meeting up with old firends- she also started a new job about 3 months prior which consumed her totally. I would ring her saying I was having a bad time and missed her. She had booked a flight over in December to come meet me in March and she was still going aorund to see the family- a family member passed whilst I was away so this didn't help either. Then mid Jan she flipped.
On the phone she said that she wanted me to have fun and I wasn't because I was always thinking about her- cop out. Then she said that she was confused and wanted time to herself. I thought there was someone else, however, she is so anti cheating and I know this girl, I spoke to her friends and they said there was no one else. I asked her, she cried and said she couldn't believe that I would say this to her. I got a flight back pretty much straight away because I thought I owed it to the relationship to try to mend it or end on good terms. She was upset that I came home 1) because she thought she ruined my holiday 2) she wanted to have space and be single.
I was only gone less then 3 months.
She is extremely independent, has a mortgage at 22 , dogs and a good career. She said she wants to have time to be single and enjoy something different. This has been completely soul destroying. She has said things like "i could marry you and be happy", "i could get back into a relationship with you and be happy but its not what I want". She is a big believer in soul mates and always said that I was, I asked her the other day if she still thoguht this she didn't reply.
When I met her she was shy and a closed book, she credits me for helping her grow into a confident person, however, I feel the time I needed her the most she has dropped me. She said that I have got her to a place- and she needs to do the next by herself (I feel slightly used actually). We were supposed to travel for about 5 weeks at the end of my trip, then move in together in May. This is not happening now. She said she loved me like a best friend- and she doesn't feel it. She is pretty confused but stubborn and once she makes her mind up she will push ahead. Her family are upset with her and are backing me up. But I don't want them to jam it down her throat.
The other week I wrote her an email and said we should cut ties for a while, because she is getting the best of both worlds- this guy who is in love with her (fall back) and doing her own thing. She stressed to me that she doesn't want another boyfriend. Is distance the best measure?
I am going back over in less then 2 weeks, this will be with my two best mates for about 5 weeks. She is still going over as planned, travelling by herself and doing a tour to meet people (yikes- I'm nervous about this one too, but she isn't one to hop in bed with any random). So there will be about 2 months of no contact.
I have to admit I feel a lot better at the moment, the first 4 weeks were so hard, I was depressed and didn't feel myself. I am getting better, good job offer and everything.Im trying to turn it around and ask if I really want this, and Im glad this hasn't happened 2 years down the track at the alter.
I plan to have coffee with her a day before I go, act happy and confident, tell her about the job and leave me in her mind that Im OK without her- is this a good option?
I know Im only 23, have a lot of life to live yet, but I feel that she is the one but having a quarter life crises so to speak in regards to me. She is complex and hasn't really spoken to many people about this- not even her parents.
Anyway I will push on, but always love this girl- friends would never work though.
Experiences, thoughts? I know this happens alot- i.e. the girl flipping out but I can't believe its happened to me.
Cheers guys

Guy, this happens to all of us, it part of learning how to cope with our feelings, and the rest of the world. "Growing Pains" is a good word, for what you both are going through. Believe it or not, it will make you both better people.

Please listen to her words, and take them into consideration, she came into your life for a reason, so that you can learn, sometimes the best relationships don't work out and we feel a loss but we never look at the positives, EX: like where would you be if you haven't met this woman. It is totally normal to feel hurt but if you truly deep down inside love her you will let her go and give her the much needed spaces, there is no explaining , no could have been's should have been's just let her go... time heals, failed relationships are the path for what's ahead and helps with the future.. If you did nothing wrong than don't worry you will be fine my friend.. she may come back, she may not but know that one day you have to loose love to find love... To know what you want, to know what you need... always follow your intuition and your heart... take it one day at a time, and remember troubles don't last always... You will be fine...

Thanks Adlin, they were kind words. Its tough but I do love her , I want her to be happy, with or without me so be it. She will realise down the track of what she let go- but its out of my control. You're a good person, the world needs more people like you.

That's some good words I will take to heart... thank you

Thanks for taking time out and responding to that message. I am extremely lucky, I have a brilliant support network, great friends and family, those words reallty have hit home.
I don't want to force things back with her, I want her to love me like when I boarded that plane. I went over last week, we both cried (mainly me) and we held each other for a couple of hours. Photos of me are still throughout her house...
She just wants different things- Im starting to understand that. She loves me but not in the same passion I guess as before. We have gone through a lot, were so close... its exhausting to think I would have to go through another 4 years of work and love for it to end- but I guess that's life and love.
What astounds me is she "she could marry me and be happy"- isn't that all you want in life? She's sincere, she's not shallow, and she's a straight shooter. I have no crystal ball, but I will hope for the best, plan for the worse.
I don't know why I write to tell you this, I just need too.
Its hard when I go away, and come back and she is like a different person- in the way of how she feels.I just feel like shaking her because she was different for 4 years. Maybe time apart will be for the best- I can do my own thing for a while, she may go further down this path but essentially its out of my control. I hate to think I won't be the one to marry this girl.
I need advice- do I not contact before I head back overseas again- or catch up in two weeks (before I leave) and say that I understand and love her... and act like I'm getting on with things?
Thanks again

Give her tha space which she needs yourve been way to cling, cutting your holiday short to come back and see her!! Who's life are you living yours or hers... Live your life and she will want to be part of it, help her too much and you will help her into another guys arms. This happens all the time confident guy hooks up with innocent good girl who doesn't have a lot of friends and relys on him . Over time everything is great but adventually she grows and becomes safe and confident with you and then believes she needs to prove to herself she can do this on her own. Well let her go on her own and she will very quicly realise its not that great and she will come back.. If not she was never coming back or staying an yes mate she was in a weay using you and this was noit deliberate but then you were the one who chose to enter a relationship will a clingy girl and what did you think she want going to get more confidence over time, this always happens. If you want her back let her be on her own let her realise things and then she will probably say something ike . I haveenjoyed the time on my own and I think we are good together and then you push on. NEVER burn your bridges juyst let her go let her grow and if she realise what she has she will be back if not she will be rooted.

I'm depressed. That is a terrible thing to have happened to you, you seem very well about yourself though. With that strength, you will be fine. I personally would be a little suspicious of her sudden change of heart. But, its her loss really from what I see! I wish I could screw my head on as straight as yours seems to be. Cheers to the future buddy!

Mckenzie- good words mate.
I agree, its funny how I have sort of turned into the person she sort of was at the start. I'm putting on her as a person before me- but she was-and is a beautiful person inside and out.
I'm happy for her that she's happy in a way, despite me hurting a lot.
In regards to me flying back- that's the person I am. I'm actually proud of doing it, I love her and wanted to get some clarity as you can't do it half way around the world, I would have gone mental.