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    yaz's Avatar
    yaz Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Jan 15, 2010, 11:10 AM
    Successfully moved on. Now she wants me back!
    Hey everyone,
    I am 22 years old, had been in a relationship for 3 years with this girl who I used to believe that she's " the one". I do not want to go a lot into details, but during our relationship, and as any other couple, we had our ups and downs sometimes; I would screw up sometimes she would... To sum it up, last summer we broke up, and I felt desperate without her and tried everything to win her back, it did not work, however. And to make things worse she started dating a different guy and that was were I went totally insane, started begging, crying, and did all sort of things of disrespecting myself in front of her. That lasted for about 4 months, and then when things did not work with her new boyfriend ( I think he dumped her) she decided she was doing better with me and asked me out again. At that time I felt so happy but at the same time I couldn't show it because I wanted to show her that I am not easy and I am not just a backup option! But to be honest, I just couldn't. In less than three days I said yes to her proposal! I guess I was confused with all the pain I have been through and I thought that here's my chance to end all this pain and start over again, a new fresh start.
    So we got back together at first it was awesome, and then day by day I started realizing that she has changed a lot, she didn't seem interested in me like she used to.. there were all kind of sings to prove to me that she wasn't as interested as she used to be or at least she wasn't as interested as I was... There were some promises she made before we got back together, and she was doing none of what she promised. She even got back in contact with her ex (the new boyfriend)! And she was planning on seeing him behind my back! But since I was crazy in love with her I just chose to ignore all those signs and lie to myself. I chose to convince myself that it is just temporary and she will be back to who she was with time. This is the lie we all tell to ourselves when we do not want to leave the comfort zone, we tend to trust in time and blind love and just ignore all the OBVIOUS signs.
    Anyway, we stayed together for another five months, until one day when she started one of those stupid jealousy fights, and because I was not doing anything wrong I decided that I am not going to be weak anymore and I should stand up for my rights and for my dignity ( I know it's a bit late, but better than never). I did not call her for about 3 days and then she called me saying that she can't be with me anymore and she believes that we are just used to each others and what had been going on between us since we got back is not "true love"! I was shocked but I realized that I have had enough, I must accept it this time and approach the matter from a different perspective this time. That was when I randomly came to this website. Reading the threads and the stories made me feel so much better, its like I knew all of that and its like it was all happening to me but I needed someone to guide me and show me than I wasn't alone n this, and maybe I need to do " the right thing" at the end.
    It was hard at the beginning, however, not anything compared to the first time. I thought maybe it's because of the previous experience or my new attitude or in fact maybe it was both. Everyday I would wake up feeling better about myself, loving myself, adoring myself, giving all what I used to give her to myself. I started feeling as if I am in love with everyone, I wished her the best, prayed for her sometimes, and decided to forgive her and prayed that she forgives me too. She kept on calling me from time to time and I decided to answer her calls because I felt that I have healed and that it is better to face her than hide and run away.
    I went on like this for about 2 months, until 2 days ago, when she called me and she was crying telling me how much she misses me and that she knows she has lost me and she really wants us back this time and she promised that she has changed bla bla bla... she started telling me that she realizes the mistakes she has done and that she is ready to make it up for me and that she loves me so much now.
    Fortunately, I have learned a lot from my healing process and from all the years I have been with her. So I simply told her that Im still in love, but in love with the old her. I told her I'm in love with the person I met three years ago and that I can never be with her the way she is now. I told her that I can't trust her anymore and that I have a feeling that if we go back together we're just going to be repeating the same cycle! She promised she has changed and all that but she had said the same things last time we got back together so now I just don't know what to do ( especially that I learned that she had been dating this new guy recently!! )? Am I losing someone that really loves me now? Or is she trying to get back to me again after another failing rebound she had? Should I give it a try? Or I would be better off where I am today because if I go back to her and things don't work I will just have to start from zero again. And to be honest, I'm really loving being single now! I am opening up to life again, I constantly feel full of energy, full of love, and my relationship with my family and friends is so much better now, I'm volunteering and doing new and exciting stuff! And at the same time she has been the love of my life for 3 years and I don't want to hurt her or lose someone who truly loves me ( in case she's honest this time)
    So I do not know what to do? Any suggestions
    HistorianChick's Avatar
    HistorianChick Posts: 2,556, Reputation: 825
    Ultra Member

    Jan 15, 2010, 11:20 AM

    All I have to say is one little quote: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

    You tried the "I'll take you back and we'll be better" once and it didn't work. You successfully moved on, got better, and feel back to "normal" for a change, right? WHY put yourself through that again?

    Some girls need to feel like they are the hottest stuff on the block, and when their ex starts showing that he can live without her, she gets all territorial and goes into "jealous mode."

    In my opinion, she is using you. She's using you as her back up guy, her go-to guy when she needs companionship, and her "well, he'll always love me" man. You're not that man. You deserve a healthy, stable relationship.

    She can't give that to you. You tried once. Don't get hurt again.
    yaz's Avatar
    yaz Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Jan 15, 2010, 11:24 AM

    Thanks a lot HistorianChick! She is really close to the way you have described her. I really appreciate the advice
    I think you are right... I will do my best to keep moving on...
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
    Uber Member

    Jan 15, 2010, 11:57 AM

    Yes,that horse has been flogged to death-leave her in the past where she belongs.
    Good luck!

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