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    Geoff725's Avatar
    Geoff725 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Apr 26, 2017, 12:00 AM
    Stuck in the mud
    So I have known this girl for about a year and we're very good friends. It's gotten to the point where we both agree we have a spiritual connection. We always hung out during the summer time and she tells me she wishes we could do that again. I like her a lot and she's like always on my mind but she has a boyfriend she's been with for like a year. I told her how I felt about her and she told me that she only loves me "unconditionally" and that I just came at the wrong time but that same day we cuddled and I fell asleep by her. The next morning she said that there needs to be a line made because there wasn't one. I told her how jealous and mad I get whenever I see a post about him and her, also that I wish things could be different countless times. Our other friend also told me that it'll never happen, so I just decided I should face reality for what it is but just the thought of him and her get me really upset and down, it only makes me want her more. I don't want to stop talking to her and she doesn't want that either. Earlier, she called me and kept asking me what was wrong but I told her "I don't think I should tell you because we talked about it a lot already. It doesn't matter anymore. I don't want to tell you." And she got really pissed at me and told me that she hates it when I shut her out. So I told her that I would tell her what it was the next day but honestly I have no clue what to say. I just need advice on what to say because like I said, we talked about it countless times before and it pretty much ends the same everytime. It just makes me feel like I'm not good enough or worthy or whatever. Please if anybody could help and not give a dull answer like "Pack up and leave her" because I already did that twice for my own health sake but she told me it hurt her a lot
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #2

    Apr 26, 2017, 04:35 AM
    Leave her alone and cut all contact with her since her having a boyfriend makes you so upset and jealous. That's what you should have done when she first rejected you. Now you have just made yourself dependent on her in a very bad way and like any junkie you must stop taking the dope to have a chance at recovery.

    Look I know you don't want to stop taking your dope (her), but you have to tell her this poison connection doesn't work for you, and if she was really that concerned or a real "friend" she would understand your misery and let you go to heal, and recover your emotional health. Oh, wait, you tried that and he got mad and upset. She put her needs ahead of yours knowing you were miserable. Some friend! That's simply selfish and cruel, but that's what your dependence on her has come to made you her pet and taken your dignity and self respect. If you rather have her in your life rather than your dignity and self respect then you got it, and the misery that comes with this poison relationship.

    Where is her boyfriend that you can spend so much time with her, and how old are you both that you can be so easily stuck on this one girl who has a boyfriend. Where are your friends and family and the things in your life that make you happy? I would like to know these things that you seem to have traded for this false friend that affects you in such a negative way and keeps you stuck, not in the mud, but to her and makes her feel good and you feel bad.

    You must stop all contact with her and seek to do things you like without her or you will stay stuck until she tires of you. Tell her to leave you alone, and let her get mad and upset and feel what you feel. Tell your heart to stop being so stupid, and start treating yourself better because you have found out she will not. If you deserve better, then you must do better than to allow yourself to be stuck!

    It may be the hardest thing you have ever done, but the most important thing you can do for yourself.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
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    #3

    Apr 26, 2017, 07:59 AM
    Oh, so she has to have her need for a male bestie filled, no matter how painful it is for YOU?
    She knows you are suffering. If she really cared about you, she would nicely cut all contact between you.
    She's selfish, childish, and needy. Lots of women love having a boy toy just for enticing.
    UGH!
    I hate her already.
    Show some guts and tell her you are staying far, far away. No phone, no email, no Facebook, NADA. And mean it. Your pain will be overtaken by PRIDE in your resolve.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
    current pert
     
    #4

    Apr 27, 2017, 11:04 AM
    Oops, forgot you 'just need advice on what to say.'
    You don't say anything. You don't owe her anything, including an explanation.
    She knows you will cave when you try to explain.
    It's her power. It's fun for HER. She
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