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melnyc · Feb 8, 2007, 07:47 AM

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half. Our sex life has come to schreeching hault. I always ask for it, he always has a reason as to why he's not up for it. But he goes to strip clubs... A LOT. I know its somewhat shady, but sometimes I look at his credit card receipts. Once the tap was over $4,000, and just last night it was $600. I don't what he can get for that amount of money. But last night he took his boxers off and put fresh ones on before bed, which he never does, and then lied about where he was. I am so hurt by this. I feel rejected and unwanted. What do you think I should do? He gets so mad when I snoop through his stuff so I can't really bring up the tab amounts, but I never say anything and its killing me.

BlazingCold · Feb 8, 2007, 07:57 AM

Talk with your partner about it. Once the sex life dies, it's only a matter of time before the relationship follows suit.

phillysteakandcheese · Feb 8, 2007, 08:10 AM

The best thing to do is leave. If he is spending $4K at strip clubs a year and a half into your relationship, it should be clear that you don't have a future with this guy.

His behaviour clearly shows he has little or no respect for you.

He's going into deep debt to feed his addictions, and I can guarantee that if he's not already cheating, or using prostitutes, he soon will be as he continues down this road.

melnyc · Feb 8, 2007, 08:34 AM

I wish debt was the problem... its the exact opposite. He has more money than he can spend and strippers and drugs are they only thing that he gets a rise off. The problem is, when its him and I, most other days, we have a great time together and we do love each other. He tells me how much he loves me everyday, but he never wants to have sex and he spends lots of time at strip clubs. I am not sure what to do "in the meantime" or how I should react when he gets home...

valinors_sorrow · Feb 8, 2007, 08:55 AM

I'll bet he has a sexual dysfunction problem where he likely cannot perform well in intimate settings. Women aren't the only ones to have problems like this. He will need professional help to solve it-- help that is specific for sexual dysfunction. I'll bet you'll want to refute this since he probably was very functional in the beginning but that is how it works. The closer you get, the less he can perform. And since he has been "solving it" any way he can, he may not be interested in really fixing it. You can only suggest it and he will say okay or no way. I used to be very messed up but didn't look it until he got me in bed. I dabbled in a lot of outlets, some very destructive, looking for anything that worked before I sought real help and that is how I know about this.

Here is the most truthful thing you've said so far and a big clue:

Originally Posted by melnyc

strippers and drugs are they only thing that he gets a rise off of.

talaniman · Feb 8, 2007, 12:43 PM

If you are having concerns and are afraid to get answers then this is not a very balanced relationship is it. If you want to keep swallowing excuses and not get to solutions you have a big communication problem. If all he does I give excuses and does nothing to solve the problem you can either be miserable and afraid or leave. Love yourself.

Forever21 · Feb 8, 2007, 02:28 PM

I honestly think that you should follow your woman instinct, do you feel as if he is cheating? I would honestly talk to him let him know how you feel and that you felt like he was being very dishonest with you so that you did go through his things. Once a man knows that you know they usually start lying really bad or start telling the truth. I think that you should try to fix the problem asap before things get worse and you begin to blame yourself. What vallinors said might be true maybe there is something wrong with him or maybe something happened where he feels uncomfortable now just talk to him that is honestly the best thing that you could do.

You said that you had seen that he had spent so much money are you sure it was at a strip club or are you just assuming?

melnyc · Feb 8, 2007, 02:41 PM

Nope saw the receipt from the club... fact...

Forever21 · Feb 9, 2007, 06:50 AM

Then I would really take this serious cause to spend that much at a strip club he is doing more than just waving dollars at these chicks. I really do wish you the best and that everything works out for the best. Whatever happen take things easy if it is not meant to be let it go better things will come your way and if he admits to what is going on have patients and try to work on things.

J_9 · Feb 9, 2007, 07:02 AM

[quote=melnyc strippers and drugs are they only thing that he gets a rise off of. [/quote]

Very RED FLAG!! Do you want to spend a lifetime with a man who not only frequents strippers, but uses drugs?

Originally Posted by melnyc

we do love eachother.

It does not sound as though he loves you from the rest of your posts.

Originally Posted by melnyc

he tells me how much he loves me everyday, but he never wants to have sex and he spends lots of time at strip clubs.

Actions speak louder than words. He tells you he loves you but does not show you that he loves you. It sounds as though he does not show very much respect.

You see, I can tell any man that I love him, but it is not true love until you represent your words with actions. It would be the vulnerable, gullible man who would believe that I was in love with him if in fact I never showed that love outward.

I believe it is time you do some deep soul searching and decide if you truly want to stay in a relationship like this. You deserve better.

I understand he has a lot of money, but money does not buy love or happiness. Time to regroup and get your own personal priorities for YOUR life in order.