Oh wow. You've bascially been torturing your poor self by talking to him.
My ex broke up with me a little over 4 months ago, and I'm almost completely over him. Why? I had to make a choice: my emotional welfare vs. hurting his feelings.
I chose to take care of myself, because he left me and therefore he had no right to be high on my priority list. It's a choice you're going to have to make. Will you continue to suffer for the sake of his feelings, the one that broke your heart, or will you take control of the situation, go No Contact, and allow yourself ample time to heal?
I sincerely hope you make the right decision.
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