OK guys so me and my boyfriend have been together for 8 yrs we are high school sweet hearts and recently had a child together. A about a year in a half ago he started a new job and became real cool friends with a female co-worker which he never told me about I started getting a bad feeling something wasn't right I decided to follow my instinct I found out they spoke on the phone while he would commute back home which is about an hour in a half a way and also they would car pool. When I asked him about it he said they were just friends and that I was over reacting so I stated it that was the case why was it I never heard about her he said it wasn't important. Fine he continues doing what he does and they begin sending messages to each other as well I confront him again he says I'm over reacting there just friends. Recently she quit her job and they no longer work together boy was I excited. So I thought it turns out there still speaking mind you his excuse through all this drama was that they worked together and helped each other out whatever so when I ask him this time what's your excuse he says there just friends she's a cool person and they keep in contact which I wouldn't have a problem with if he would just tell me things instead of hiding them recently she called him at 10:30pm and he mised the call so the next morning I came across it I call her back let it ring 2xs she calls it back in one second and this was at 6:30 in the moring talk about she really needed to talk to him I was in shock he says I'm over reacting honestly I'm tired of the drama advice please!! Never seen her a day in my life

OK guys so me and my boyfriend have been together for 8 yrs we are high school sweet hearts and recently had a child together. A about a year in a half ago he started a new job and became real cool friends with a female co-worker which he never told me about I started getting a bad feeling something wasn't right I decided to follow my instinct I found out they spoke on the phone while he would commute back home which is about an hour in a half a way and also they would car pool. When I asked him about it he said they were just friends and that I was over reacting so I stated it that was the case why was it I never heard about her he said it wasn't important. Fine he continues doing what he does and they begin sending messages to each other as well I confront him again he says I'm over reacting there just friends. Recently she quit her job and they no longer work together boy was I excited. So I thought it turns out there still speaking mind you his excuse through all this drama was that they worked together and helped each other out whatever so when I ask him this time what's your excuse he says there just friends she's a cool person and they keep in contact which I wouldn't have a problem with if he would just tell me things instead of hiding them recently she called him at 10:30pm and he mised the call so the next morning I came across it I call her back let it ring 2xs she calls it back in one second and this was at 6:30 in the moring talk about she really needed to talk to him I was in shock he says I'm over reacting honestly I'm tired of the drama advice please!! Never seen her a day in my life

OK guys so me and my boyfriend have been together for 8 yrs we are high school sweet hearts and recently had a child together. A about a year in a half ago he started a new job and became real cool friends with a female co-worker which he never told me about I started getting a bad feeling something wasn't right I decided to follow my instinct I found out they spoke on the phone while he would commute back home which is about an hour in a half a way and also they would car pool. When I asked him about it he said they were just friends and that I was over reacting so I stated it that was the case why was it I never heard about her he said it wasn't important. Fine he continues doing what he does and they begin sending messages to each other as well I confront him again he says I'm over reacting there just friends. Recently she quit her job and they no longer work together boy was I excited. So I thought it turns out there still speaking mind you his excuse through all this drama was that they worked together and helped each other out whatever so when I ask him this time what's your excuse he says there just friends she's a cool person and they keep in contact which I wouldn't have a problem with if he would just tell me things instead of hiding them recently she called him at 10:30pm and he mised the call so the next morning I came across it I call her back let it ring 2xs she calls it back in one second and this was at 6:30 in the moring talk about she really needed to talk to him I was in shock he says I'm over reacting honestly I'm tired of the drama advice please!! Never seen her a day in my life

Questions merged

Yes they have I never get a good one just we are just friends don't worry about it I think something has happened between them or was going to happen it just really annoying

Sit him down and tell him you want the whole story about what they say to each other. If nothing is going on he'll tell it to you straight. If he's a little awkward or you think he's prob. Lying, cheak his e-mails and phone messages when he's not around. If he won't tell you, call him on it. Say you don't feel confertable and if nothing is going on than he should be just fine with telling you. Your just letting him tell you things and leaving it at that. You arnt being asertive enough to get the answer you want, but don't be so demanding that he's insaulted you don't trust him.

I would ask him to set up a time for all of you to get together, if they are "just friends" then he shouldn't have a problem with you meeting her and getting to know her. If he refuses then that's a big warning sign.

I've tried that over and over and he'll continue to say there just friends I feel that if a persons significant other isn't comfortable with a certain situation then they should respect it and drop it but he just won't that's why I feel that something happened between them or was going to happen its not like there best friends and have known each other for a long time

Well I guess you're pushed to see what he's really up to through his e-mail and phone, if you can get ahold of them when he's not there. That's what I would do. I just can't believe he's so stubborn.

Tell him he has the following choices:

1. If they're "just friends" then YOU should be included too. If he won't introduce the two of you, and ask you to hang out with them--that's a BIG red flag.

2. Cut all contact with her that does not include you, because you are uncomfortable with it.

My best friend is a guy, and my husband IS sometimes threatened by it. But... THEY hang out too, and talk, and email, and whatever. If he's keeping the two of you apart, that's a BIG no-no.

If you don't trust him, then you don't and there is nothing we can say or do to make that change.

Are you at home all day taking care of the baby and his needs when he comes home, without having friends of your own? Did you finish your education before you got pregnant? Have you two made permanent plans for the future or do you feel that he's with you because of the child? I sense some insecurities here and feel you need to work on those. Once you feel secure as a person, mother and partner - then there is no need to stress over friendships, male or female.

Your 'home' can only be as happy as you both make it and just because there is a child, this does not mean that the job is finished. A relationship needs constant work and communication and warmth. If this is not the environment you feel you have, then you need to take steps to change it. How, is up to you.

Whatever choice you make - breaking with him and starting over, just remember that you have a child together and he will not permanently vanish from your life. Can you cope with this?
Staying with him and working things out involves just as much time, emotions and energy as breaking up - with no guarantee that it will work if he's not willing - but again there is still the baby.

A good start would be to talk to him about how he sees the future and getting some answers. Not asking him and just steaming further and trusting him less will cause more pain and stress in the future. So you have to take that first step.

Life is tough. You either grow together or grow apart - there is no recipe for a quick fix. But we will be here to help you get through rough parts when you get stuck. Only you know what your heart needs and what would make you happy - all I can do is give you support here, while he should give you the support you need right there in his arms.

Good luck dear, and keep us posted.

That might be your problem. You feel left out, and that breeds suspicion, jealousy, and resentments. There is no real reason a wife can't know her husbands friends, male or female.

I think Tal is right. If he does not include you in the circle of friends, family, or co-workers and keeps you secluded in a separate life at home, then you need to ask him why. There is absolutely no reason why he should keep you out of it if he has nothing to hide.

If a man is proud of his woman and child, he shows them off. If not, then that is disrespectful and totally out of order.

You deserve to get your answers and set him straight.

Well to answer your questions Chery we both are full time workers. We both have our "me" time where we hang out with friends and do things together. Its something about her I only found out about her because he started acting different so I did a little snooping and found out about her the talking on the cell only on his way home never when I'm around the text messaging and when I asked him about it he said we're just friends and he didn't think is was important . Family wise they love me to death and I love them and I've never had a problem when it came to female friends or male friends we've always had an open relationship till she came along and when it comes to her it's a secret or I just didn't ask and when I do we land back in the "JUST FRIENDS" Home wise he is well taken care of and all aspects if you know what I mean. I am secure about myself I just don't like the hiding things and for every question he has a quick njust friends answer and to top it off they no longer work together why the need to keep in contact I only say that because when he first got confronted about it he stated "WE Work Together" so now the only reason he has is she's cool person. I'm going to tell him either I meet, you cut it off or its over!!

I think that's a good idea and if that doesn't work he's out the door!! I can't think of anything else and I have never had this problem with any of his other female friends it's something about her that everything has to be a secret I only found out about her because he was acting funny and I decided to snoop around other then that he wasn't going to tell me about
Her. I just feel something happened or was going to cause there connection was let me quote "WORK RELATED" and they no longer work together and it continues going on but I qoute again "WE ARE JUST FRIENDS"

You don't need an ultimatium, just insist on meeting in a casual, firm way.

Dear, you know him better than we do, and if you feel you have to do something drastic to get the results you want then do so. If he is happy with you he should respect your wish and do what you ask. Besides, he should understand that you don't agree with 'friends' calling at night. And if he shirks on letting you meet this 'friend' then he surely has something to hide. So, as Tal said, ask to meet her casually - like on the street, or in a coffee shop and insist that he introduces you. In my opinion you have that right. And, if she cannot look you in the eyes, she has other motive - even if he might not, but he should respect you and your wishes more than her's.

Any man who wants to keep what he has should be willing to work for it. It's time he learned this. And telling you that you are making too much out of this is not an appropriate answer. You deserve more.

That happen to me with one of my ex. I knew all his female friends, then all of a sudden he meets a new friend but he lie at first and told me she was a old friend, but I knew something was wrong with the way he talked to her around me and he was always quick to erase the call. I talked to him about it and he's like she just friend. Long story short after he kept be secrective about he and I did speak or me her I decided to get all my answers from her and got everything I needed know and he still lie until I guess he felt guilty and told me the truth the next day, which was everything she said.

You should always follow your instinct because if you think something not right or he's acting different when it comes to her then more than likely your right and have to face it. Also, if your not getting the answers you need from him then there nothing wrong with giving her friendly call introducing yourself and if you do call you don't have to be nasty just friendly and fake it if you have too. Sometimes when you want answers you have to get them yourself.