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Ash123 · Feb 23, 2007, 06:12 PM

There has been a lot of educated coaching on SILENCE and how to deal with a "runaway love" - but what about when they come back?

The no contact rule now has a moment of truth.
And lessons to ponder.

When does one break "no contact"... What type of call, text, email etc. constitutes a communication worthy of an answer and thus a break in no-contact? Some would say that once the damage has been done, and a certain block of time must take place before any response.
And some might say, if the other side calls and breaks the silence - it's on...
Or An I LOVE YOU? An Apology? A Hello...
In any case, a break is a chance to use the time wisely... you may be faced with a decision one day and it could be the difference between repeating a problem, killing a relationship and/or building a better relationship.

Educated thoughts? Every case is different, but worth an unscientific sampling of ideas would be interesting.
The fact is that those holding to the Code of silence" are exercising discipline to further themselves is important too.

LBP · Feb 23, 2007, 06:30 PM

I think it depends on you... Can you handle talking to the person in question, as a friend? If not, I tihnk you take the first call or message and say "Are you going to help me or hurt me?" They'll know what you mean. If they want to be 'just friends,' then they're hurting you and you need to not talk to them. Simple as that.

If you want to give the relationship another go, as do they, well... I can't speak on that. I have no experience in such matters.

Nosnosna · Feb 23, 2007, 06:33 PM

It's a complicated issue. The first thing to look at is how you feel about potential contact:

If you need it, it's too early. You're still stuck in the relationship funk.
If you don't want it, it's too early. This is where you work through your issues and start figuring things out..
If you want it, but haven't not wanted it yet, it's too early. You're transitioning from the funk to growth.
If you want it, and have spent some time not wanting it, it's time. You've worked through your issues, and have come to the conclusion that this one is worth it.
If you don't care about it either way, it's time to move on.

Deciding whether to respond to an attempt at communication is similar...
If you read the e-mail, listen to the voicemail, or otherwise accept the communication, it's too soon. You're not in no contact if you accept the communication at all.
If you delete the message unread, it's probably too soon. You're in no contact, and need to keep it that way.
If you're surprised that they sent you something, it's just about the right time. You no longer expect them, and have moved to a point where you're you again.
If you don't think of it any differently than a message from anyone else, then you're ready.

Silence can't be carried too far. Remember, no contact isn't some parlor trick to get your ex back. The only thing indicated by silence carrying on forever is that the relationship is truly over.