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Absolution · Sep 9, 2008, 02:03 PM

Anyway my girlfriend broke up with me last week and things were rough, we both had no appetite and felt terrible and I don't think either of us entirely wanted to(I didn't at all I wanted to work things out but) I don't have much relationship experience and was looking for some advice on how to get back together. The first few days I just kept asking her back which I know is the wrong thing to do, and she told me she could never see us dating again but last night she felt really bad about things and didn't have anyone to talk to so she called me and she told me now she needs to figure herself out before she can decide anything about us(I didn't badger her to get this response), she told me she's being indecisive and stuff and she's sorry for being dumb and that a part of her wants me back but she said that will always be true, so I'm just at a loss. She also told me she thought I was moving on and she was scared of losing me and just said I still really care about her and want her back. But anyway I was about to go No contact or at least very light contact and not call her and let her call me so she would have a chance to miss me but she came to her decision about not knowing about us yet because I talked to her over the weekend and last night so I'm worried that if I don't talk to her she will just move on. Any advice on what to do?

JBeaucaire · Sep 9, 2008, 04:35 PM

I just said this same thing to someone else... you want her to come back? Then you need to let her see you ACTUALLY move on and be OK about it. Let her see you as a strong, confident male striding back into the dating arena and not thinking twice about it.

I know that sounds counter-intuitive, but most breakups are permanent ANYWAY. So, you actually lose nothing by taking the right approach.

You stand tall, get your life on track, and open your doors to the 1000s of other potential mates out there (that you've been ignoring for her sake), you get back out there and pay attention to all those girls. You have fun. You don't stress. You let things just "be".

Either she realizes her mistake and makes it back to your side before you meet someone new and better (and there are LOTS better, it's her risk to let you actually pay attention to them... totally her risk), either she makes it back in time, or she doesn't. Either way you win.

Does that make sense?

Don't chase her, don't telegraph "I'm waiting for you" garbage either, it will have the opposite effect you want. Just move on for real. Maybe she'll make it back in time, or maybe you'll be in a better place with someone better and she'll be out of luck.

Take care of you, either way.

talaniman · Sep 10, 2008, 07:45 AM

Stop with the giving her a reason not to change her mind at all. As long as your there waiting, she will stay confused about what she wants. Stop all the contact, and move on, for no other reason but to heal, and get healthy so you can make better decisions for yourself.

Continuing to see each other, and discuss things, will only feed the fact that neither of you can let go, and confusion is the result. You want one thing, and she wants another.

One thing you fail to notice is she ain't coming back, and knows it already, but false hope blinds you to that fact, in your zeal to change her mind.

Stop the contact, and end the confusion, so you can see what is going on, clearly.