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I and my boyfriend(maybe ex now) have had a long distance relationship for almost 3 years. At 1st everything was great, we chatted and emailled and everything everyday, for 3 yrs, but I always feel unfulfill, jealous, angry, sometimes for no reasons at all. WE always want to be together but for some ty conditions, we cant! WE tried several times but we failled. Recently I broke up with him since l saw no future, he begged me for coming back and had a perfect plan for this XMAS, but unfortunately, my parent didn't allow me to come to him. They required his parents to write them a letter. His parents faced culture difference in writing it, so it took them a long time. I was impatient and couldn't wait any longer. I gave up everything and told him that he was just a LOSER! He was shocked and didn't say anything. I thought it was just a normal fight between us (we argued so often) but actually it was not. He didn't show up for about 10 days. I was frustrated, l contacted to him, he answered right away, but he said he had to think about us coming back together. 4 days later, we talked again, and he said he wanted to be together but he saw NO WAY, and that my family hates him ( my parents even wanted to send me away from him forever and forbid me to contact him), and that l was sooo childish (we are 11 years different, lm 20, he's 31 and I give him love when l want, l act cold when l don't want him), he can't survive with my insanity and unstability. I confronted, we had another argument. It went nowhere. I was hopeless. I went offline.

It was strange when after that he had some weird action. He went online then offline right away, and did it almost everyday. I didn't know what it meant but I never contacted him since l had nothing to tell him (but l still want to talk to him). One day, he message me and we talk casually, he said he still thinks about me. I saw this conversation would lead to nowhere so we ended up being half-way, not friends but not lovers! He said now he only wants to work and buys his parents a house then makes as much money as he can, all for his career.

WE don't talk again, he disappears now, l do too. But when lm all alone, l realized how wonderful he is, I want him back but I never want to beg him or anything since he is the one who broke up with me.

I want to send him a present for Xmas but lm afraid he might think lm freaky since when we were in love, he gave me a lot of gifts but l never ever gave him anything even in his birthday or occasion.

I intent to keep silent and no contact as l visit this website with hope of him figuring out his love for me himself. Will silence be a smart choice to get him back?? GUYS HELP ME!!

Hi, Imnotok... OK. Let me ask you: In 3 years, do you have not meet this guy face to face yet?

If the answer is yes, maybe we are not talking about LD Relationship but Phone/Email Relationship, that makes a whole lot of difference.

Why don't you meet someone who can see the bright inside your eyes and tells you how much it shines on him?

Honestly this is not a true relationship. It is three years of long distance. Long distance can work for sometime but then there has to be meeting each other face to face. Spending time together beside each other. Getting to know each others true selves. You can only do so much with long distance and on the computer. I would say that it is over, and that you should move on.

Joe

I see no future in this relationship and by American standards you have so many issues that you lay on this guy, you should end this farce with him so he can get a life. Work on your own behavior and move on! LEAVE him alone.

Makiavelic76, Jesushelper76 and Talaniman, THANKS YOU GUYS A lot!! I was so confused before your comments but now l think l get more self-confidence to move on and meet other guys even though it might take a huge amount of time, lm afraid, since my ex is a perfect guy. You know, its hard NOT to compare the new one with the old one lol

<<but now l think l get more self-confidence to move on and meet other guys >>

Instead of meeting other guys try and meet yourself instead... Try and figure out why you feel quote"unfulfill, jealous, angry, sometimes for no reasons at all"
Get a whole life by yourself without trying to find someone to make you happy.

GOD, I really hate this situation.
After 6 months of separation, I took you guys' advice, left him alone so that he could get on with his life and move on. I did my own way too. But now it turns to what-i-never-want-it-to-be: 3 months ago, he started to send emails and text, ecards, whatever. I was surprised, I told him that I want to stay friends, just friends, he refused, he said I was and are his love. But again, its still half-way thing. He was being sweet on Valentine's day and my birthday too. I don't know what really happens on his mind when we're like 12000 miles apart in 2 different countries and already broke up, not like me and him are in same city so that we can touch or make love or something. I asked him what was up? He said he and I are still in a difficult situation. I found this ty, I said I never can be his darling again but he acted like he never heard me saying it. -_-

Now I really want to email him saying that he has to stay away from me forever. I want to destroy the gmail mailbox he made for me, everything! BUt I know it's a bit extreme action, and part of me still loves him but I hate half-way thing.

Can anyone tell me what is going on with him?? Is he insane/crazy/abnormal or something? And should I make strong reaction to make him clear?

He has not been able to move on, and until you can know your own mind, and wipe out any way he has of contacting you. He will keep on trying to be in your life.

I had a long distant relationship of 3 years. We're in different countries. He always came to visit me every year when he had a chance. We talked, chatted with each other once or twice a day. Although we had some fights and stuff but it was OK since he knows I am too young and childish compared with him.

Last year he couldn't visit me so he asked me to visit him and his family to go to the next step of the relationship (since we talked so much about future and stuff), my mom didn't let me go so I didn't go. We had a huge fight, l called him names, we broke up. I found myself ty to call my darling names so I appolozy, I discussed with him about things, he said if I don't want to come to visit him and his family then there is NO WAY we can be together. I felt hurt and we really broke up. I didn't want to cause him pain (because I did it pretty much since I was so childish, sometimes I just get angry out of nothing at all).

I didn't contact him for months. Its about 8 months since we officially broke up. He still cares and loves and misses me as he said so. He sent me emails, ecards on every special occasion. BUt yet again he is still in half-way: not really getting back together, not normal friends. I asked him why, he said our situation is still really hard, we're still in different countries. I was fed up. I told him to meet someone else and forget me and I'm really glad to see him having new girlfriend but he just said "i dont want anyone else, noone is as great as you".

Lately (2days ago), he sent me a huge parcel with full of presents, very meaningful, a ring, rocks that he took at the top of ROcky Mountain when he went to it... and many other things. But I don't know, I don't really feel eager to receive these. I don't know what to do, why everything is still in half-way, I hate it. Even though we just chat casually sometimes, but it still drops me hope but I hate waiting.

Someone tell me what to do, should I ask him directly what is going on? Or just like this?

Do you want him back? You said, "But I don't know. I don't really feel eager to receive these." Are those things an obligation, obliging you to continue the contact?

It sounds like he is doing more to maintain contact than you are. Are you really interested in him? Are you willing to dump him since you can't travel to meet his family? And why didn't your mom allow you to go to see him? How old are you? How old is he?

Good questions above that need to be answered!

Actually, I was not eager because I am not happy about the situation that we are in right now. I want to have such a man like him in my life, I just hate being apart.

I still have the feeling that we're going to be together someday. My mom didn't allow me since she didn't want me to travel alone without family, she thinks that girls can't just go somewhere without parents. ANd obviously I am 21 now, he is 32.

Today, he phoned me, we talked for more than 1 h, but damned, just casual talk, say how are you doing, how is your life and new news and stuff. How do I end this half-way situation??

This is never going to work out. All you have done is put your life on hold. Forget him and move on. And it's time you distanced yourself from your parents to become more independent. At 21 you are not a child and should not act like one or be treated like one.

What country are you in?

(bluerose, you must keep in mind that her culture may be different than yours)

First - Long distance relationships rarely last too long unless one or both are able to actually be together in the same country together.

Second - He made an effort to visit you most of the time and the one time he could not and asked you to meet and visit his family you could not? That is hurtful and shows that your not putting as much effort in this relationship then he is.

Third - He is trying to soften you up with gifts and other things because he feels your important, but your not to sure. Honestly I am surprised this long distance thing lasted as long as it did. You need to figure out what makes you happy. This situation you both knew you would be in because it is long distance, so why the surprise.

Remember though we can not tell you what to do, this needs to be your own decision.

Joe

Fourth - Either make a decision to make an effort to see him or just end it. You both need to work on a relationship especially it being long distance. Your not showing much interest so I think it is better that you two actually make it a point to see each other or just put it out of its misery.

I don't go for long distance relationships, because they bring more problems to an already fragile situation, and 21 is a time to make choices for yourself, but the biggest red flag is if he is to busy to come and court you he will always be to busy to make you happy, just my opinion. Gifts are great and easy to buy with money, but knowing some one, and loving them for life takes time, and a lot of work. I guess I'm old school, because no matter how much you talk over time and distance, it's the face to face getting to know each other that defines if there is a spark or not.

Well, this is funny, you know, he sent me things and now he withdraws. Usually I heard from him every in 3-4 days, well, the last time I heard from him is 10 days ago, and nothing now. This surprises me. Anyone can tell me why this withdraw thing happens? I'm just curious, and I'm not going to ask him because he is always giver and always is the one who writes or contacts me first.

I personally think that it is not going to work out. FOr you, it might work out, but not him.

What do you mean by saying for me it works our but not him? Can you explain it?