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    Mr Pseudonym's Avatar
    Mr Pseudonym Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jul 31, 2008, 07:29 PM
    Signs of the end?
    Hello everyone. My girlfriend and I have been together now for about a year and a half and it has been all fine and dandy. This summer however things have gotten a little strange. Ive noticed she fancies this other guy, she isn't head over heels about him or anythign of the sort -- well at least that I can see--, but I asked her about him and she got quite offended, calling me jealous, saying I'm trying to control her and the whole bit. So after that I just kept quiet about it, even though -- yeah ill admit it -- I was a little jealous. So after a few weeks I noticed she was becoming closer to this guy, going to lunch with him or whatever, and not really caring to see me; ignoring my calls, etc. Now I brought this up, in a civil fashion, not trying to offend her, just being inquisitive and curious as to what was going on. Well she flipped out, told me to F off and the whole bit. She then decided that she needed a weekend to cool off, so I agreed; no contact with her did my own thing and went out and got her something nice. So when the weekend was over I got an email saying that she neded more time and was going up north. She said shed be back today (a week after the weekend) and that shed give me a call when she got home. I haven't received a call yet and have tried calling her a few times in vain. I just wanted to know if I should take a hint and move on and if she really isn't into me anymore. Any advice is appreciated.
    maxim_r's Avatar
    maxim_r Posts: 24, Reputation: 6
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    #2

    Jul 31, 2008, 07:36 PM
    In my experience, this relationship is over. Do you really want to be treated this way? Cut it off before she's the one who does it.
    busterite's Avatar
    busterite Posts: 156, Reputation: 30
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    #3

    Aug 1, 2008, 02:48 AM
    Im sorry for to say this but it sounds as if the relationship is over. She is just not brave enough to admit it herself and is just postponing the innevitable. She is still keeping that door open and the only thing that is doing to you is torturing you. So for your own good just break any contact with her and move on. Do you really want to be with someone that will try and escape every time they get a chance without giving an explanation? Don't you think you deserve a more honest treatment? Good luck!
    Romefalls19's Avatar
    Romefalls19 Posts: 4,739, Reputation: 1130
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    #4

    Aug 1, 2008, 05:34 AM
    Yep, give her the bigger hint by not even calling her anymore. She doesn't want to pick up, then don't call.
    WhatN3XT's Avatar
    WhatN3XT Posts: 59, Reputation: 7
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    #5

    Aug 1, 2008, 10:38 AM
    I've seen this so many times it hurts. Not knowing why is the worst feeling of all. DO NOT call her anymore. If she calls you, don't answer until the 2nd or 3rd time. If you feel the need to ask her why it is over, be ready for more confusion. She is going to tell you that it is something you did or said. Or, if she has a little backbone she will blame herself but most people will not admit that they are wrong. If you get the old "it's not you, it's me" then say goodbye and hang up the phone.

    As hard as it will be, just realize that you were the one that did not start talking to another girl. You were the faithful one in the relationship and will find someone worthy of your time.
    Mr Pseudonym's Avatar
    Mr Pseudonym Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Aug 1, 2008, 03:29 PM
    Ok so she called me today and I answered. And she was acting weird on the phone. So we talked and then she said "yeah i think its a good idea to end it, ive been thinking about it all week" So I asked her what she was feeling... She said that she was really stressed out because of the relationship for the past two months and thinks that ending it is the best thing to do. Then she started crying and I said "why are you crying" and she kept saying "i dont want to do this, but i have to". So after that said that she wants to meet up with me tomorrow to talk about it. What does this mean? What should I do?
    PraginOut's Avatar
    PraginOut Posts: 51, Reputation: 6
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    #7

    Aug 1, 2008, 03:32 PM
    Save yourself the heartache.. don't meet her she won't have any news for you that you'll want to hear. There's nothing to talk about, don't let her string you along. Tell her you've made other plans and get busy!
    ylaira's Avatar
    ylaira Posts: 1,193, Reputation: 118
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    #8

    Aug 1, 2008, 03:41 PM
    Ask what's the problem. She may be keeping things from you for long what she's unhappy about. Listen well. This time, it's either you'll make it or break it.

    But if she confirms she's really hooking up with this guy and she's head over heels, its over.
    Mr Pseudonym's Avatar
    Mr Pseudonym Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Aug 1, 2008, 03:48 PM
    Yeah I can't see it being anything else. And also do you think its OK to end a good relationship of like a year and a half over two bad months. I don't know, maybe it is. I really thought it was normal to go through things like that, and I was willing to see past it and work it out with her. But she just doesn't seem to want that anymore.
    ylaira's Avatar
    ylaira Posts: 1,193, Reputation: 118
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    #10

    Aug 1, 2008, 03:57 PM
    Personally I will still give it a shot. At least for one last time but my first question is "Do you have somebody new?", if she doesn't reply, I'll take it as a "yes" and Im bolting out.

    Listen, If you two have problems, as long as no body else is in the picture except two of you, you can fix things. But if there's an extra, chances are slim to none. Things will be over.
    flash84x's Avatar
    flash84x Posts: 55, Reputation: 7
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    #11

    Aug 1, 2008, 09:57 PM
    Tough situation for sure, I would probably get suckered in for the meet up if I was still really into the girl

    I like everyone else's advice though... tough it out and make her prove that she wants to be with you if she really does, you deserve it after what has happened
    Mr Pseudonym's Avatar
    Mr Pseudonym Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #12

    Aug 1, 2008, 10:01 PM
    It is a tough situation. Cause I really thought she would give me another chance so I got her this card and a little gift thinking things were going to be OK. Im wondering if I should give it to her or if that will make things worse. Cause I've agreed to meet up with her. And I promised myself to accept what she's going to say and not try to convince her to come back. Anyway what else do you think I should do? Should I give her the gift and card? And if she wants to give it another shot what should I do after that?
    ISneezeFunny's Avatar
    ISneezeFunny Posts: 4,175, Reputation: 821
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    #13

    Aug 1, 2008, 10:05 PM
    ... to be honest with you... if it were me, I'd just return the gift, and get something for myself.

    If she wants to give it another shot, you have to really ask yourself... do you want this? Even after all this mess happened? Even after the way she treated you?. look out for yourself. Really, look at it logically. Then decide.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #14

    Aug 2, 2008, 02:48 AM
    I agree with the others.
    Especially Busterite and Romesfall.
    I wouldn't even meet with her and give her the satisfaction.
    Since she has been acting weird, defensive and evasive I bet she wants to tell you its over.
    Something like 'I went away with him and we have gotten even closer so I had to make a decision and well it was nice knowing you'.
    Return the gift (vote#2 on that) and take yourself out to lunch.
    Ithappenstoall's Avatar
    Ithappenstoall Posts: 363, Reputation: 37
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    #15

    Aug 2, 2008, 02:57 AM
    I agree with Sneezy, he is a wiseman haha. Do you really want this? I know it is hard because a lot of emotions are in the way, but try and do this.
    If I can share my story, round the last couple weeks it was weird. She would be telling me she was going to hang out with her girls and go out, but somehow that guy would be showing up. She would then be texting him asking him where he was and sometimes when I was with her. The worst is that we went on a trip a week before we broke up and she would talking to him online and texting. I got mad just like and told her that something was up and she wanswered that yeah I have been feeling like this now for a while I need to be single and be on my own and all that... but basically that turned into a breakup where she told me she had a crush on him.(could have been seroious or could have been just a fling) but how can you say stuff like that.
    Now on your side you try and think that she is confused, that she needs time, that she doesn't know what she wants. But to be honest I think she does. And that is not to be with you at that moment. And you have no idea how to take it because you have not felt this kind of rejection before so you try and think of any other possible alternative to not accept this, but you cant. I am really sorry for you buddy, this usually happens t othe best of us, but don't do what I have done. Do not go after her trying to talk to her because it will not help. I have done it and all I got from these meetings (in order)was that
    1 she needed more time and wanted to make sure that it was for the right reasons to get together
    2 she says she want to have fun and enjoy life (whatever that means lol, it not like she held up in a cell or something so this second point was useless)
    3 She might have a crush on someone (but apparently that had nothing to do with the breakup) and that she thinks she has made the right choice and that I need time to accept this.
    At this point I was bad because I realized that she had used me for herself because we were talking in the meantime. This is where you have to things DIFFERENT. Learn from this and start keeping your distance. I am not saying that the outcome will be different but regarding the healing process, it will def be easier on yourself.
    In my honest opinion , I am really sorry to say this but I believe she knows it is over and is keeping you around to make it easy for her and make her feel less guilty. (again from my exp I know she told my friend that she felt so bad because I was hurting so bad and that she doesn't know what to tell me when she talks to me... are you kidding I do not need you pity) THIS IS THE ATTITUDE you need to have .
    Now if you are going to meet her (make sure it is the last first off) be very clear about everything, tell her how you feel and what things are going through your mind, tell her about where you see this realtiship going (bring everything to the table, Dday) If you don't get a slight positive response... THAT IS IT. Do not question anythign else she does. Start living your life without looking back (I know it will be hard, it is still hard for me) but it does get a whole lot better... Go through The post from SNEEZY (it has helped me).

    Good luck buddy let me know how it goes.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,182, Reputation: 10852
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    #16

    Aug 2, 2008, 08:01 AM
    Sorry guy, but this has been over for a while, and all you can do is move on, and cut all contact to save yourself more misery, and pain, and further theatrics.

    She will not change her mind, and never give you answers to your questions, and will only confuse you further. Disappear from her life.
    Mr Pseudonym's Avatar
    Mr Pseudonym Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #17

    Aug 3, 2008, 04:59 PM
    So she drove down to my house last night and we talked. I was as calm as I could be and she was crying her eyes out and realllly upset. Whenever she looked at me she would start sobbing and sniffling like mad. She was just a mess. I didn't break a sweat though, didn't give in and played it off cool, didn't cry or anything like that and I said "if you think its the right decision then fine we should do it" and then I explained to her everything, and how I feel about it and where I think it will go if we stay together. And she said "no, i dont want to do this but it feels like i have to" and I asked her if it was because there was someone else and I demanded I get an honest answer. And she said and insisted she doesn't want another boyfriend if she breaks up and she promised and swore that she felt that way and that there was no other guy. She said she just wants to be independent and hang out with friends more (which sounds ridiculous cause she's free to do that now). So I said "well whats stopping you now?" and she said "it just wont work if i have a boyfriend" so I just said "ok lets break it off then, and by the way you have a really lousy way of communicating thigns to me, you couldve told me this when you first realized it, instead of stringing me along". And she replied with "well i still want to know you, we can still be friends". And I said "no. no that wouldnt work. its either end it all or try to work it out" and she said she doesn't want to just cut me off like that she still really loves me and would hate to not see me again. So I said " well make up your mind then, i can't really help you here" and then after a while to think about it she's like "ok i still want to be with you then". And she was apologizing like mad, and sayign that she's just really confused right now because she doesn't know if she's missing out on fun things because of our relationship. So I said "ok were still together but we just gotta take it easy". So I gave her the gift and she got really sad and said sorry a few more times said "i really really love you you know". Anyway, when I got out of her car I promised myself that I wouldn't contact her at all and let her sort things out on her own. So that was that. And then this morning she phoned me twice I answered the second time and she wanted to do something and I just said "im busy, maybe tomorrow". Is there anything I did wrong or anything I should do now? I'm definitely going to be really cautious towards the way she acts and I've decided I'm going to let this little immature episode slide (my ability to forgive may be a hinderance). If it happens again I'm out of there like no tomorrow, and I won't be upset at all. Cause now I'm not confused about anything and I know what's wrong with her; it wasn't another guy and she's just in a confused point in her life and needs some time. I guess I'm the one with the power to do what I want now haha. So yeah any comments are appreciated. Thanks
    flash84x's Avatar
    flash84x Posts: 55, Reputation: 7
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    #18

    Aug 3, 2008, 08:52 PM
    Well I think it's good to try and work it out but don't back down on what you said... Take it slow and if this comes up again then cut her off. I say that because from personal experience I was in her shoes, I felt like I was missing out on things with other possible relationships and my feelings turned out to be real. I wasn't just confused.
    Mr Pseudonym's Avatar
    Mr Pseudonym Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #19

    Nov 22, 2008, 11:50 AM
    I guess I should have taken everyone's advice and got out of the relationship a while ago. To get everyone up to speed: Currently she is dating the guy I was concerned about in the summer. We went on a "break" which was supposed to be for a month but she couldn't resist the urge to go out with this guy. So a long story short: within a week she had already gone out on 3 dates with this guy and made out with him at a party and completely moved on to him. Then the next week she went on more dates, invited him over to her house and slept over at his house when they were completely alone and most likely had sex. It has been so hard on me, I couldn't sleep at night thinking about the whole situation. Also, it seems weird how I know this but she has remained in touch with me and she told me all of this. I should have blocked her out of my life for my own good, because hearing all that has ruined me. One of the last times I talked to her on the phone she said "do you want to meet up this week and we can give eachother our things back? It will have to be friday though because i can't tomorrow im going out with ________." So I told her off and said I never want to talk to her again, and told her that she's a rotten whore and a horrible person, and I got so harsh with her, calling her every name in the book.. which was probably a bad idea, but I was feeling so upset. So that was that I told her to F off and then I hung up.

    Now that's only the first part. During the two weeks after that phone call I made an honest effort to rebuild my life. I picked up my marks, got a good part-time job, and was starting to feel good about myself again. So I was on a path to better things I guess you could say; each day I thought about my ex less and less. Then.. last Sunday while I was online on MSN she signed on and started talking to me. The gist of the conversation was:
    -she really misses me and realized no one else would care about her as much as I did
    -doesn't know if she made the right choice
    -wishes she could talk to her new boyfriend as comfortably as she could with me

    It was tough talking to her, because I began to think "maybe well get back together" and I even said I would probably go back. She told me to move on to someone else so it wouldn't be weird if we got back together, but truthfully I am too hung up on her. Ive had 2 oppourtunities to "move on" with 2 other girls but I just can't do it, and it's killing me thinking I still love my ex that much after all that has happened. Anyway, while we were talking, I brought up old memories of ours and she got upset and said she couldn't talk to me, and then left, which was the last time I've talked to her. I just want to know why she's doing this. It seems like once I start to get over her she comes back into my life to F it up for me.

    Is she being selfish about it all and doesn't want me to move on, all while she does? Do you think she really misses me? Why would she want to talk to me after I called her a filthy slut and negatively criticized her whole character? Any advice would be good. Im sorry if this is broken english and too lengthy but I wrote this hastily. Thanks for your help!
    DeleteAndBan's Avatar
    DeleteAndBan Posts: 39, Reputation: 3
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    #20

    Nov 22, 2008, 01:21 PM
    Sure she misses you, but this is not at all related to wanting to be with you in a relationship again. These two are not always related.

    The reason why she still talks to you after what you did is because you 1) stood up for yourself2) showed that you are independent and willing to give her up and 3) Expressed your emotions(showing that you are an emotional being and that you care a lot about the whole situation). All of which women like.

    The important thing to realise here is what would it be like if you got back together? Would you still love her like before? Trust her like before? Admire her like before?

    In all honesty After all that has been done, the relationship will never be the same as it was before. In most cases it is impossible to truly forgive and forget things which have caused such deep pain in people. Sure you can make yourself believe its all in the past, but it often never really goes away.

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