[where did i go wrong]

So I'm back with a new dilemma...
If you don't know my story have a look at my previous posts.

Basically my ex broke up with me about 5 weeks ago now...
I've gone about a month nc and the wounds are slowly healing

But the last couple of days have been a bit strange...

Tuesday night I had a dream about her, nothing in particular happened, she was just there. Then on Wednesday she sent me an email. I immediately deleted it without reading. My sister called me that night to say that she had received an email from my ex as well and thought I should know, I just said "i dont wanna know, dont tell me"
That's the rules of nc!

Anyway last night she was in my dreams again. (these past 2 dreams are the first for a month) again nothing happened she was just there. Then today when I checked my email there was another one with the subject "PLEASE EMAIL ME BACK"... I haven't read it, I don't know what it could be about, not sure if I want to know...

I guess my question is should I read it? What would you do?
I'm pretty sure its not a 'i want you back' email because I know she's leaving for canada soon...
What do you guys think?

[JoeCanada76]

Are you not curious? I myself would be curious on what it would say. At the same time. If your already healing and you do not want this to effect you at all maybe it is best not to respond.

It is up to you. There is no right or wrong answer I am afraid. I know it might not help you out but you need to decide for yourself what is the best thing to do for you?

Joe

[iAMfromHuntersBar]

Even I'm wanting to sit on the fence a bit on this one!

You've got amazing will power, I can say that much, I'd have buckled and at least read the first one! Lol! Well done fella!

If you can read it, and be strong enough not to be tempted into sending an email back, or not get upset / angry by what is written, then there can be no real harm in reading it!

Otherwise, just delete it like the last one, what's the point in putting yourself through the hassle!

The 'PLEASE EMAIL ME BACK' subject line is a good one though, it's certainly got us all curious!

[phoenix1664]

Well personaly I would read it just to see what it is about but in the long run can you cope with reading a message from her, no matter if you do or don't you must keep the nc going until you are properly healed .

[Jiser]

Wish I had the strength, delete it :P If she really wanted to contact you she would ring! Hey and when she rings if she does, don't answer. Relationship is over don't go back :)

[brucealmighty]

Hmmm, I would read it. The thing is that you have to remember that she knows which buttons to push if she wants your inmediate attention. Maybe that's what scares you, the fact that a simple thing as an email can pull you back to square one after all this effort you've put into NC. (I've also been in NC for a month and I know how hard it is at the beginning, but as time goes by you actually do get better)

Maybe this is a test to yourself, instead of reading her email with a soft heart, read it with a defensive attitude. Apply everything that you've learned these past weeks, use it to disregard what you consider as a futile attempt to get your attention.

If you can read it and keep NC, then you're way on the your way to recovery bro.

Good luck with that.

[loveandpeace]

So im back with a new dilemma...
if you dont know my story have a look at my previous posts.

basically my ex broke up with me about 5 weeks ago now...
ive gone about a month nc and the wounds are slowly healing

but the last couple of days have been a bit strange....

Tuesday night i had a dream about her, nothing in particular happened, she was just there. then on wednesday she sent me an email. i immediatley deleted it without reading. my sister called me that night to say that she had received an email from my ex as well and thought i should know, i just said "i dont wanna know, dont tell me"
thats the rules of nc!

anyway last night she was in my dreams again. (these past 2 dreams are the first for a month) again nothing happened she was just there. then today when i checked my email there was another one with the subject "PLEASE EMAIL ME BACK"... i havent read it, i dunno what it could be about, not sure if i wanna know...

i guess my question is should i read it? what would you do?
im pretty sure its not a 'i want u back' email because i know shes leaving for canada soon...
what do u guys think?

You need to read the email... if you don't you will always wonder what she wrote. Be strong and deal with it once you know what it actually says.

[nicstar]

If you don't read this email you will always be wondering what did it say.
You said she is leaving for Canada soon maybe she wants to say goodbye.

You've got to read it, just be strong once you have and carry on like you have.

[where did i go wrong]

If you dont read this email you will always be wondering what did it say.
You said she is leaving for Canada soon maybe she wants to say goodbye.

You've got to read it, just be strong once you have and carry on like you have.

She already said goodbye when she dumped my arse 6 weeks ago!

I still haven't read it, everyone has made some good points, but I'm still undecided as to what to do..

Yeah a part of me wants to know what its about, but I don't think its something ill regret if I don't read it... it can't be that important, if it was she could call me, text me, come to my house, my work etc etc...

Anyway, I think ill just leave it for now, maybe one day ill be feeling strong and ill look at it then... I'm sick of being upset, I don't want to slip back to that feeling...

[iAMfromHuntersBar]

Seriously, good for you mate!

[Allheart]

Hi Where,

Boy, do you have a tough one here. Personally, I would read it. By you not reading it, she still has some control over you. There will still be that lingering pull towards her wondering what it says.

She doesn't know you didn't read it. She's assuming you did.

I do understand you wanting to keep your strength going and boy do I admire YOU! Wish I could be that strong.

No matter what you do - read it - don't read it, you just make sure you are only considering how it will effect you ( but don't forget about us, not sure we are as strong as you and we want to know LOL - just kiddn)

You do what is best for you and what you are most comfortable with.

[talaniman]

At the end of the day you are the one to make the choice. You know where your at. I would read it, and not respond, because you made a good point, if it was important, she knows how to contact you face to face. Not a few lines on a computer to get you to react. Make no mistake that's what she wants you to react. On second thought, delete that crap.

[where did i go wrong]

OK so I read it, this is what it says for all you curious cats!

all I'm wanting to know if you have my international drivers licence and if you do can you mail it to me.

Hope your well and you have received ALL my emails that I have sent you... don't worry about telling me how you are cause I'm guessing you don't want to have any contact with me, but send me my drivers licence if you have it

Thank You

Its nothing, but still makes me feel crap, I'm glad I read it because now its not playing on my mind, but I I don't know, I wish she never sent anything in the first place...

Sick of being sad...

[where did i go wrong]

The day after sending the email, and me not replying (which I have no intention of doing) she sent me a text saying "i had a missed call from you. U ok?"
I never called her... not even accidentally, I checked my call log...

I don't understand

[chuff]

Dude this girls playing games with you. As you point out if she really wants to talk to you she could call you. I’m going to chuff her email.

all im wanting to know if you have my international drivers licence and if you do can you mail it to me.

That sounds pretty important. Sounds like something that she would keep somewhere where she would remember it. Sounds like something she would have got back 5 weeks ago if she thought it was valuable. Why exactly would you have it?

But you wouldn’t! So this question is designed to make you do what I just did. Ask you a bunch of questions about a piece of property belonging to her, perhaps in an attempt to make you even look for it. Yes actually taking action for this license that is on her desk in front of her while she writes this ridicules email.

Hope your well and you have received ALL my emails that i have sent you...

Why does she hope that? Doesn’t email always wind up in the new email box? More pointless statements to get you to question her and yourself.

dont worry about telling me how you are cause im guessing you dont want to have any contact with me,

She’s guessing that? She hasn’t noticed? She’s trying to play emotional mind games with you.

but send me my drivers licence if you have it

Thank You

If you did have it, that would be her problem for leaving it with you and she ought go get herself a new one. I wouldn’t answer this email but if you do I’d tell her that because it will let her know your done with the games.


Okay now to what you said………….

its nothing, but still makes me feel crap, im glad i read it cos now its not playing on my mind, but i i dunno, i wish she never sent anything in the first place...

sick of being sad.......

She did send it to you for this exact purpose, to make you feel sad. She’s playing emotional games with you.

[chuff]

the day after sending the email, and me not replying (which i have no intention of doing) she sent me a text saying "i had a missed call from you. U ok?"
i never called her.... not even accidently, i checked my call log......

i dont understand

Just as I answered the other one about her playing mind games I see you posted this. This girl plays emotional mind games with you. She wants your attention badly. She wants to control you emotionally to get her kicks. She's testing you bad, you must be strong and keep the no contact thing.

Although that being said, I have to admit that I probably would have answered that text with one of my own that said, "Why would somebody like me call somebody like you?" But the reality is your just playing into her hand at that point. Keep the no contact thing going.

[where did i go wrong]

After all this time one of my questions has finally been 'chuffed'
Thanks a lot, I agree with everything you said, I think uve hit the nail right on the head.

And I didn't look for it, I thought the same thing, if I have it, bad luck, get a new one!

[mckenzie134]

Great effort but give it a read and hopefully your mind will be strong enough to make the correct choice. Im guessing from this she may not be going to canada now and she is hoping to gain you back into her life. It may just be she misses you and since she is staying has decided to keep you around. Its probably not worth responding to her if she is keen enough she will definitely call. If she does not callthen she is not keen enough. Good luck you have done a great job and keep it up/

[chuff]

after all this time one of my questions has finally been 'chuffed'

I think that's the goal of everybody that posts here!

thanks a lot, i agree with everything you said, i think uve hit the nail right on the head.

and i didnt look for it, i thought the same thing, if i have it, bad luck, get a new one!

Exactly, your duty to help her find anything ended when the relationship ended. Plus she was lying and just trying to get you to contact her. Tough break for her to find out that you are stronger then she is.

[Skell]

Agree with all the advice you have so far. Especially Chuff. I see this all as just mind games. She wants to see if she still has that control over you. She will right up until the time she leaves the country and even after that. Don't give her the satisfaction.

Your doing great. So go back to focusing on you now. She will probably try again but don't fall into her trap.

Let Canada have her. Melbourne has heaps of beautiful women. I might even come down and get one myself soon. ;)