[eccles60]

My partner and I are in our mid 50's and been seeing each other for nearly 3 years in May. For the first 28 months we were fine. She would ask me over to hers for days out and stay overnite as I was then living with my elderly mother so had no "pad" to invite her back to. We have had holidays abroad and I pay for most things as she has a mortgage and three grown up kids plus bills. 5 months ago I bought my own house. She showed interest in choosing furniture for me (she is separated with no intention of being divorced, whereas I am single).

When I bought my house I thought she may have stayed over with me but I have hardly seen her since I bought the house. She lives 40 miles away has her own home and works shifts. Recently she told me she is working extra to pay for bills etc that she can't keep up with. Since Christmas I have seen her once to go to a show with and then spend 5 days at a holiday with her recently. She texts me most days but doesn't ring as often as she did. When we are together we hold hands, she responds by telling me she loves me when I tell her but we have not had sex in nearly a year through an injury she had and waiting for an operation.

On our recent holiday we never made love although she has some body issues I know and regards herself as fat even though I always compliment her and try to make her feel good. I'm baffled by it all. Has she just got to stage where she takes me for granted as steady eddie... we never row and always respect each other. She will admit herself that I treat her extremely well. Or is there something deeper. I don't think anyone else is involved as she just hasn't the time. She has told me she feels fat, is stressed and worried about money. I respond by saying I am there for her etc and show support but think need to talk to her face to face to resolve this. Advice please

[ma0641]

"Partner of 21/2 years? "she has a mortgage and three grown up kids plus bills". "she is separated with no intention of being divorced". At this point, it appears you are friends that used to have occasional sex. Where do you expect this to go considering -she is separated with no intention of being divorced?

[joypulv]

Your story seems a little disconnected. You bought a house 40 miles from her, when she has a lot of work, a mortgage and a lot of other bills, and then wonder why she doesn't visit you?
During the time of helping you pick out furniture, was there ANY discussion at all of a future together in one house or the other?
Did your mother pass and leave you enough money to buy your house?
Do you work?
It seems as though you are asking us questions that you should be asking her. You even say so at the end. But you want to know about her self image and her feelings and stresses, when you don't seem to be getting to the nuts and bolts of your future wishes, plans, and how they might mesh together. The biggie is saving a ton of money by living in just one house, and it doesn't sound like the question has even come up.

[smoothy]

She's separated.. not divorced... I'm with ma0641 on this... all you are in is a friends with benefits situation. She's still married... even if she doesn't live with her husband. She's apparently in no rush to change that either being separated that long with no divorce being in process yet.

I'm guessing... you have been becoming a less important part of her life as well.. by her decision.

And besides... if you have a lot of bills... an additional 40 miles commute over what your had.. isn't insignificant. There is time fuel and wear and tear on your car. Speaking as someone who had to drive that far or more a couple years and doesn't ever want to again.

[Fr_Chuck]

I will sort of agree, you are friends, I don't even see the benefits if there is no sex.
Grown kids, (that should not be bills for her, grown kids pay their own bills)
Christmas bills, it seems she can not budget properly and spends money she does not have. (a bad habit).

I am not sure why she is not having sex, sounds like excuses, fat? Guess what 400 lb people have sex.