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2Stupid2Real · Feb 26, 2015, 02:28 PM

I've been dating my girlfriend for over 2 years now. She isn't model status but attractive. Not the attractive that I would like, but attractive. She is very caring and extremely thoughtful, on top of that she is extremely smart and is on her way to Law School and will definitely be a successful person. As perfect as she is, she is is a bit too needy. Which becomes a problem when it comes to me wanting alone time for gaming or clubbing with friends.

Aside from the neediness, another issue is I have a certain type that am attracted to and I feel terrible that I don't find this perfect girl that attractive. There is no issue sexually, we have plenty of it and its always great. I guess the issue is that she isn't the model status type that I am attracted to. No doubt I want to be with her, but I just don't want to feel this way. It's a terrible feeling to have.

So, the questions are:1- How do I resolve the neediness issue without making her feel bad? 2- How do I get over this fixation with physical appearance?

joypulv · Feb 26, 2015, 02:42 PM

Ugh. Break up with her now or at least some time before law school. (No one in law school has time to be needy, for sure.)
I say ugh because you clearly don't love her. Each 'attribute' you give her is merely some notch on your attribute belt. You describe not one word about your attributes. COLD!
(I guess you are some sort of male model looking guy with a super career.)

I can't tell you how to get over HER neediness because I have no idea if she is needy, or if you spend an inordinate amount of time gaming and clubbing without her.
I don't think you really want a steady woman yet. I see nothing of the compromises that go into a relationship, such as negotiating needs (yours away and hers with you).
I won't answer your title question - it isn't helpful.

catonsville · Feb 26, 2015, 04:26 PM

The shame I see, is the fact that your girlfriend is unable to read your post. If so, she would be glad to let you go. She has nothing to gain with you.

talaniman · Feb 26, 2015, 04:38 PM

Some honesty with her and yourself will solve all three of your questions. She may be "needy", but all you care about is the convenient great sex.

You don't want to hurt her feelings, yet you use her body?

Cat1864 · Feb 26, 2015, 06:38 PM

My first suggestion is to stop having sex with her before an unexpected pregnancy occurs. Wait for sex until after you know you are committed to her and the relationship for the rest of your life. If you are having doubts and think you might decide that there is someone else for you, you do not want to bring a baby into the equation.

Is she needy? I don't know. Do you perceive her has needy? Apparently. That is something you need to sit down and discuss with her. While both of you should have time for yourselves and be able to go out with friends, boundaries should be discussed. Find out why she seems to be against your going out with friends. What is she afraid of happening? Do you tend to go out with them on her only evenings free? What do you consider a fair amount of time for by yourself for gaming? Do you spend all evening with a game and then expect her to be ready for sex when you are so that she feels like an after-thought? Does she have any friends she goes out with or hobbies she can be spending her time on while you are out? If not, encourage her to have a life outside the relationship and school. She needs to be able to let off steam just like you do.

Attraction is a personal issue. What it sounds like you are attracted to is the fantasy of the Model who is made up to catch the eye and sell herself and whatever product she is modeling. Look at most models without the gallon of concealer and pounds of make-up and you will find they are fairly plain women who clean-up well. Without airbrushing to remove blemishes, they don't stand out as much you think they do. If your girlfriend went through the hours of fixing up that the models do, would she still not make the grade? Have you thought about giving her a gift certificate to a salon/spa for a pampering and make-over? Why are you focusing on her exterior and not on the complete woman? Looks are a small part of what makes her the individual she is. Did you ever stop to think that she may be picking up on the fact that you do not find her "attractive" and that causes her to feel needy and clingy when you go out clubbing? Did you ever stop think you may not be her ultimate Fantasy Male but she has looked past that to find the individual you are attractive?

What is your definition of 'stupid'? Only you know if you fit your definition.

Do you love her? Can you see her being your life mate and mother of your potential children? If she walked out of your life tomorrow would you feel relief or the desire to run after her begging her to come back?