[emo-angel]

:( hi, me and my boyfriend has a good relationship and we solved problems and always were there for each other but suddenly recently he has been going off for hours on end to his mates house and he doesn't tell me so I get worried cos it's a rough area and he's been nearly mugged 2 times. And now he says I'm overpowering him because I want to know where he is and that I ask him to spend time wiv him and also get is coursework done because he gets upset if he doesn't do it in the first place and now he wants to be friends and says he doesn't love me but still calls me babes or baby and gives me X kisses and I'm confused in what to do, because I'm on the edge of a breakdown I can't stop crying every time I hear our song or when I look at his picture all I can think of is how beautiful he is and that I want to hold him and the again he asked me to be is "fu*k buddy" and that he wishes I was doing stuff to him and I don't no what to do because I would do anything to make him happy but I need to be in a relationship wiv him I love him so much and is effecting my health with all this stress. I don't no how to make it better, I don't no if I should be friends with him or fight for him or do what he wants or leave him alone altogther. My heart is broken and it hurts every time I see his picture or hear a song I burst into tears I'm crying now writing this and I'm so scared that I will lose him because I love him that much and I never loved any of my exs cos I was young, this is the longest relationship I have had and I don't want to throw it away because we were good together

please please please help me because I had suicidal thoughts before but this is making it worse without him I feel like my whole existence is pointless, my mum doesn't care that I'm heartbroken, she wants me to find someone else after a year and 5 months wiv the greatest and most gorgeous person I have ever met.

[kay13]

Hi angel, he certainly doesn't sound like a gorgeous and great person. You want to be in a loving relationship with him, but it sounds as if he's made up his mind that it's not what he wants. It also seems that he wants to have his cake and eat it. I can't think of a more demeaning thing that he could ask you to be than his 'f!*k buddy'. He is using the fact that you love him to get what he wants. Please don't give in - I can guarantee it will make you feel worse.

Try to do things that distract you and try now to dwell on his picture or your tune as it won't help your healing. You are worth so much more than this, hold your head up and wait for a real man to come into your life.

[talaniman]

Your not in love, but are so afraid of being alone that you'll fall for anything and put up with everything. That's not love it's fear. What your doing is so unhealthy because your depending too much on him to make you feel worthy. You really need to leave him alone, and start feeling better about yourself so that you can find your own happiness without him. You don't need anyone to be happy and if you do then that's something you should recognise and work on. Sorry about you pain, but get it together and love yourself.

[iscorpio]

Maybe, if you kept your distance a little then he may come after you, he knows right now that you are there for him, you are both young and most people need space whether young or old, you should work out some space for yourself, some me time for you, when you pamper yourself rotten, make yourself feel really good, this time is giving him space, he will miss you not always waiting there and then he will probably want more from your realizing how special your relationship was, trust him, don't always question him, let him breathe and then you will notice the difference, trust me I talk from experience of my youth, take care, love and peace

[talaniman]

is effecting my health with all this stress.

FYI- I have seen drug addicts act like this when they need their fix.

[emo-angel]

I'm not afriad of been alone I was alone for 15 years before I met him and I was fine so don't start on that, it is because all my life everyone around me wants to leave me, my mum, my dad, my "friends" and he was the only person that ever stood by me, so don't bother judging what you don't know mate. I have emotional problems since I was 10 years old I am very sensitive person and I take things the wrong way most of the time. I love spending time with him because he makes me feel special. And the reason I am so upset is because he still "wants" me and I love him I know I do I have been through more than I have written previously with him and he was always there for me but suddenly he doesn't want me and I don't no y.

Thank you iscorpio, least some people try and make you feel better and give you more self confidence

[talaniman]

but I need to be in a relationship wiv him I love him so

If you need some one that much and it affects your health, then you depend on him too much. If you cannot step back and see the facts for yourself then you may have a problem you need to address. Hey look I was not putting you down and all I want is you to be happy and healthy, If your sensetive okay. Don't you know how unheathy and unrealistic it is to put too much in to some one and not enough into you?

[emo-angel]

I always put people before myself I have always been this way because I never seen myself worth putting effort into, so I make people feel better and it makes me happy, I get upset and stressed easily, I've been bullied because of my appaerance and been phyically harmed because of the way I look and I never though anyone could say "i love you" to me and then he came along into my life and for once I thought I was pretty. And yes I became obbsessed with him because he made me feel special. He stayed with me when I got hit by a car and with the pregnancy scares and when my dad had a heart attack he was there holding my hand and telling me its going to be OK and then suddenly I'm overpowering and controlling and that I never listen to him even though he still wants sex with me and calls me babes and the quote you just gave was I need to be in a relationship with him to have sex with him.

[talaniman]

It is so understandable to hold on to something that's good to you. But you can't hold on so tight it chokes what you love. I'm sure you have skills and talents, but the bottom line is to love yourself enough to take care of yourself. Not fair to you to want everyone else happy, and not feel the same about YOU!!

[emo-angel]

Yeah I know have no vanity should I just leave him be and when he talks to me try and not be bothered with what he says, I was crying last night because just wanted him laying next to me, I love his dimples and he always makes me blush and I love his compliments to me, but my dad said that all guys want to hang out with their friends and round about 30 they want to setle down, but what I don't understand is that he was the one to bring up marriage and children, I never mentioned anything like that. I want to be with him because the past year and 5 months was fantastic because was such a gentleman then out of the blue he's staying out till 11pm with his mates and walking home alone and I get worried, I talk to his mates and tell them to make him come home early for his safety so then he was do his coursework as well so he doesn't get stressed, I'm looking out for him to get the job he wants and all I want is the best for him, because I know he is capable but he says I'm controlling, with me I need guidance with everything I do because I'm afraid of making the wrong choice and I always ask him if he needs help and he gets upset and angry with me, since we broke up (4 days ago) I have talked to him twice and I was been a friend to him and then he suddenly comes out in conversation "i want to be inside please be my buddy" my friend dave who is surporting me at the mo (along with everyone on here) he calls him an A-hole and I never liked people insulting Dan- the ex and I get upset, because everything in Dan's life seems difficult for him, his parents tell him he's going to fail, he never has money to buy his own things so he relies on his mates and he says I just cause more problems when all I do is ask if he wants help or wants me to makes him feel better (by cuddles and confident booster words) and says I'm not worth it and I'm just in the way and it kills me because I don't understand how his attitude towards me can change in a month when we have been together longer than a year

[J_9]

You have only been with him for a year and a half. He is now beginning to show his true colors. Anyone who calls their girlfriend a "fu*k buddy" is NOT a good man. This is not a term of endearment, but a term of disgust.

From what I have read in this entire thread, it seems as if there is another cycle going on here. Cycle of abuse? Maybe not phycial, but emotional.

You need to move on with your life and find someone who will love you unconditionally for who you are. You should NEVER have to change anything about yourself for anyone.

[talaniman]

J9 is correct in saying that he is showing his true colors now, and reacting to what he knows is your weakness, your big generous heart. He doesn't sound all that great to me either, to tell the truth. I'll bet you were a lot more taken by him than he was by you. The reality is to leave him alone. A real man is what you want. What you need is to let the emotional dust settle and see things for what they are.

[J_9]

Most abusers whether physical or emotional abusers start being the BEST GUY IN THE WORLD. They are complimentory, happy-go-lucky, supportive, generous. Then, they start being aloof, unavailable, and it all slides dowhill from there.

You need to get out now, while you still can. I read these posts and I see red flags everywhere. Time to move on and find someone who will care for the real you.

[emo-angel]

Thanks for you help guys I decided to meet up with him and he said he has thought about it a lot and told me he loves me and is sorry for everything he has said, me been the kind of person to forgive and forget I listened to him, he told me he jumped into a choice without thinking and ruined our relationship because he was selfish and I said if we are going to make this work we have to start agen from friendship and this time don't rush into our relationship and work from the bottom and now we are just friends and in a few good long months I might work it to next level but this time it is on my terms my mum told me to stay strong and don't take any bull from him and all the comments on here have really helped my confidence thank you so much I keep you updated

[J_9]

And the cycle goes on...

He said he's sorry and he loves you...
You take him back...

Guess what happens next. You guessed it. He starts all over being controlling, staying away, cutting you down, telling you that you don't give him enough room.

Here is, yet again, another gal in the path of a controlling abusive man.

I wish you the best. And know that we will be here for you when the cycle starts again.