[dontletmego]

I've been with my boyfriend for about 14 months and we've been holding on for good and for bad, but now I feel as if we are at crossroads and I don't know how to act or what to expect.

Things started to go wrong about 3 weeks ago, since I started my exams and I didn't have time to talk too much or care about him all day. I tried my best, but I know he usually felt lonely even though he didn't say anything because he wanted me to be able to study properly.

Last week, I caught him chatting nasty things with a girl on Facebook and I went really mad. He said it was just a joke, but I don't understand this kind of humor. Even his friends, colleagues, family told me I got angry for nothing, but I KNOW he meant every word he said, even though he didn't went out with her nor sleep with her. And what I know for sure is true, is the fact that even though he's happy to be in a long term relationship with me, he misses flirting and making out with any girls he wants.

We have a LDR, so I went home immediately after we argued and even though he was sweet, I noticed he was hiding sadness. I though it was about the fight and about the fact that I accused him of cheating, even though he was innocent.

Two days ago, as soon as he got home started telling me on Facebook that he's fed up with his life, that his parents are blaming him for anything bad, that he cannot bear so much pain and ingratitude when he tries his best to make everyone satisfied. This seems like his family is the problem, but actually, I think it's about us, because for the last 6 months he has changed radically (you would never believe what kind of miserable person he used to be) deciding to make a change because he didn't want to lose me. And now I feel as if he's frustrated because he doesn't feel good this way anymore, because this is not him, and he said he's afraid we would turn back to who he was since being a good guy only makes him suffer.

His speech really scared me. The only thing I can think of is that one side of him wants to break up with me, the other tells him he would regret this. But he cannot stand doing the things right, so at some moment, I'm afraid he will turn back for good and will not care about me anymore. But what if all these feelings are triggered about the fact that I didn't give him enough attention? I also wonder if I should try to help him or not, because he seems to have a 5 years untreated depression that he doesn't want to let go. What if he'll do the same a few years later when we're married? I feel that I deserve someone better that a guy who thinks of suicide or turning into a monster because this feeds his ego. But I love him too much and when I had the chance to break up with him, he chose to change for me because I was the one who made him happy. Who else would do that? The problem is that I feel I don't make him happy anymore because even though I want to talk to him, he hardly answers me. I don't know what to do.

[Oliver2011]

Ewwwwwww. So much drama. What is the point? You two should go your separate ways. I don't know how old you are but from what you wrote I would guess middle school. If you are older than that you should reread what you wrote and understand how all that drama sounds to an outsider. It does sound like a very immature relationship. Some day you will hopefully realize how nice it is to be in a relationship where two people put the other person first. When that happens there isn't artificially made drama for the sake of having drama.

[Jake2008]

You said you were at a crossroad with your boyfriend, and it seems that it has reached the boiling point.

All relationships reach these pivotal situations. They require change, consideration, conversation, planning, and turning a cross road into a solid, one way street.

This happens only when there is a good foundation. That means equality between the two, so that one partner doesn't always have his needs ahead of the other, and shares the burden of solving problems, so each of you has the other as a priority in their life.

Issues of being compatible, should long ago have been established; that's what the foundation of the relation is build upon. If the foundation is always crumbling, the building of the relationship itself, never really gets past the crumbling bricks.

That you have to keep wondering about his being depressed, his needs, his wants, whether he even wants a relationship with you, his activities, your questions going unanswered, and no real communication, I don't see the point in maintaining this relationship.

If you were older, and had a few kids and a mortgage, I would advise differently, but you have no real ties to this fellow, and your future looks pretty much the same as the past with him, and you are young enough and free enough, to find someone who gives more, and expects less.