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nikkis123 · Oct 4, 2013, 06:01 AM

I've been with my man for 5 and a half years. At the end of August he left because of problems between his teenage daughter and I. We decided to work things out and he moved back home this past Monday. Last night we had sex, and as much as I wanted him I just couldn't get into it... My problem is- I don't know if it's because I found out he almost was with another woman while we were not together, I even found something he wrote to her. Last night I also smoked weed before we had sex for the first time in awhile so I'm thinking it could've been that too... But I (not to provide too much information) couldn't stay wet and my mind was just not into it. Don't get me wrong, I think my man is sexy and I was craving him all day yesterday, but when it came that time it just didn't feel right... Also, since we've been working things out he hasn't been romantic at all, it feels more like sex than making love.

Jake2008 · Oct 4, 2013, 06:27 AM

So I gather what drove him away- the relationship between you and his daughter- was not resolved when he moved back home to you, after a couple of months. What happened during those couple of months with the 'problem' child. Is history about to repeat itself with her?

Do you think the stress, arguing, likely screaming matches in the home when the problems of a few months ago with his daughter were happening, might have something to do with the sex not being good? Do you think there is any connection to the immediate past, and the reconnection with your boyfriend, to the unresolved issues?

I don't think that, if the daughter was the cause of your breakup in the first place, that you can expect anything will be back to normal in the bedroom. Anything so serious happening in a relationship that causes a split, requires a lot of time and effort to understand, and change the relationship, (i.e. how to live with his daughter), before anything else will feel normal again.

Any wedge in a relationship will have consequences, as you are discovering. Maybe along the way before the split, there were things that could have been done to make life easier for everyone, including his daughter.

That he was talking to another woman while separated from you, may or may not mean anything other than he was talking to another woman while separated from you.

I wonder why you don't see a connection between the immediate past, and the lack of a sex drive.

talaniman · Oct 4, 2013, 07:04 AM

Sex doesn't replace resolutions to real issues.

nikkis123 · Oct 4, 2013, 07:34 AM

Originally Posted by Jake2008

So I gather what drove him away- the relationship between you and his daughter- was not resolved when he moved back home to you, after a couple of months. What happened during those couple of months with the 'problem' child. Is history about to repeat itself with her?

Do you think the stress, arguing, likely screaming matches in the home when the problems of a few months ago with his daughter were happening, might have something to do with the sex not being good? Do you think there is any connection to the immediate past, and the reconnection with your boyfriend, to the unresolved issues?

I don't think that, if the daughter was the cause of your breakup in the first place, that you can expect anything will be back to normal in the bedroom. Anything so serious happening in a relationship that causes a split, requires a lot of time and effort to understand, and change the relationship, (i.e. how to live with his daughter), before anything else will feel normal again.

Any wedge in a relationship will have consequences, as you are discovering. Maybe along the way before the split, there were things that could have been done to make life easier for everyone, including his daughter.

That he was talking to another woman while separated from you, may or may not mean anything other than he was talking to another woman while separated from you.

I wonder why you don't see a connection between the immediate past, and the lack of a sex drive.

Actually, his daughter is with her mom for the school year so she hasn't been at the house... And it seems like it's just me- he's into me and everything, but it's like I can't get into it like before... before I found this thing he wrote about this woman everything was fine. However, I'm confused as to if that's why or like I said I was feeling the effects of smoking so I'm not sure if that could be it... And what's so upsetting is that even though he said nothing happened with her, it's still in the back of my mind.. I'm also upset because he used to always write me poems and just do cute little things, and he doesn't anymore.. And it seems like I am always the first one to text him or anything...