[DruForbes]

I am a lesbian and so is my ex. We broke up 3 weeks ago, she said she fell out of love with me due to the depression. Her depression has overwhelmed her for the last 6 months and she feels like she has nothing left to give any more and she isn't good enough for me. That I shouldn't and it's not fair for it to happen to me to wait. She said she needs help and learn to be happy again before she can be in any relationship. She did say that sometimes people take breaks in order to clear there heads and may come back stronger. She said she needs space right now. So we haven't seen each other nor talked to each other in a few weeks. I am trying to give her space. I want her back more than anything, I miss her so much. Another problem is that I don't have many friends or distractions. I know people say give it time and I am trying and I want help and tips. I do want her back more than anything. This is the woman I want to marry. When our relationship was good it was great. The depression started with working for her mother, we had no choice but to go there, both of us lived and worked together for six months. At her mothers. We had no real alone time. Also my ex biggest fear was going back and being stuck with her mom, we were stuck, due to health issues for her mom as well. It has been then since she has bee more depressed. I know people should say take time and I know this won't be easy but does anyone have any advice?

[leahellex]

It seems you really want her back, now you have given her some space try and see how she feels make the first move to make sure she knows you care about her. Make it clear you are going to stick by her no matter what and that you believe she is worth it. When someone is suffering from depression they need reassuring and that's what she'll need right now. Try and cheer her up bring her flower, do what ever you think will make her happy. Tell her if she needs a doctors help you will help her along the way, in a relaitonship or not you are going to be there and when she has over come her depression you should try and make a better relaitonship. Make sure you tell her its all going to be okay and you are going to try because if you think its worth it you need to put the effort in.
Good luck and I hope it works out

[joypulv]

'we had no choice but to go there, both of us lived and worked together for six months.'

My ears always go up when I hear someone say they had no choice.
No, you had choices. It sounds like it was in fact a really bad choice for her. You could have gone out and gotten the most menial jobs cleaning toilets at 4 am rather than working and living with her mother. You want to fix this? Figure out a way to make a living and a cheaper place to live and a super strict budget. Her mother's health issues need to be handled by visiting nurses, other relatives, Medicare or Medicaid... not her. Was 'working' for her taking care of her, or did she have her own business?

[Jake2008]

If your ex girlfriend is saying that depression is the reason for 'needing space', and she hasn't clarified that, anything else is just guessing.

Has she been clinically diagnosed as being depressed? Is she on medication of any kind, or in counseling?

What I'm trying to say is that if a person can identify what is wrong with them, to the extent that they don't or can't have a relationship, and they know what is causing it, why is there no mention of help for this major hurdle.

Many couples go through illness, in one form or the other, and together, they work through it, and do what needs done by putting their partner's needs first.

Why have you not been given this opportunity, and why has she just summed up everything on her own, without involving you?

If her depression is organic in nature, and she is being treated, or, if her depression is more situational because of maybe the relationship with her mother, both situations and everything in between shouldn't result in a separation in the relationship.

Perhaps it is time to think that maybe there are other reasons, and maybe she just wants the relationship to be over, and is unable to express that to you.

I don't think it is wise to let too much more time pass, without protecting yourself a little bit. As this 'reason' of hers is she 'needs space', that really says nothing of substance.

It would not be unreasonable or unkind of you to say what YOU need. Maybe word something to her to the effect that if the relationship is over, you need to know in order to move on with your own life. Tell her (probably again) that you are willing and able to help her any way you can, but if she is not willing to allow you in her life, you need to know.

Ask her to think about things, and give you some sort of answer within the next 10 days, which would be over a month since the split.

More than a reasonable amount of time to end this agony, and accept things with her, one way or the other.

[DruForbes]

Jake,

She was recently diagnosed with depression. She is currently on medication. Also she feels it's not fair for me to wait for her to get better. That she needs to do this on her own. My ex is a really private person and has hard times communicating. She said she wants to try again in the future but it isn't fair for me to wait. She feels guilty that she isn't happy and thinks I would be better off. Thing is I'm not better off. I do love her with all my heart and am willing to wait for her. She needs space because the break up was bad on her too. I get that. She needs to learn to be happy with herself before she can be with anyone.

Joy, due to her mother recent health conditions we really had no choice but to be there and help her, yes she had a business she just recently sold it. That is what we were waiting for. Stuff like that.

Lea,
Thank you, it is how I really feel. The fact that I truly do want her and I would do anything for her. Even if I'm in pain now. So we could be better in the future. Yes, this really hurts. More than any break up I have ever been in. I feel lost, broken, missing, and incomplete. She made me feel whole even when I was depressed as well.

[Jake2008]

I am really sorry you (and her) are going through this.

It is really good that she is being treated. No doubt a huge step in itself.

I truly hope that it all works out for you both. I do think though that at some point, you will have waited long enough, if it hasn't.

Maybe you'll be back to let us know how you are doing. I hope so.