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sarahhope11 · Aug 7, 2013, 07:56 PM

So there is this guy and I'm confused with what is going on.

After we met and had some fun we were messaging nearly every day just talking and flirting a lot. We would be talking a lot and catching up every now and then and then things started to change. He was living down near me but also had an apartment in the city and it was getting too much for him so he moved back to the city which is 45 minutes to an hour from me and he shares it with 2 roommates and one is his ex that's why he was living down her back at his mums for a bit taking a break.

He started to distance himself from me. We wouldn't talk a lot and when I asked what was up he would say he is distancing himself from me even when things were fine. We would be arguing a lot and then it was fine. One minute he would says lets just keep talking and then see how things are later on and talk about it and then the next distancing. He also admitted that maybe he was using me and didn't want to be that kind of guy and do it anymore. He said we can be friends but that's about it and he will come down to talk face to face which is still hasn't.

Now the last thing he said to me he is distancing himself from me for many reason and one of them being he doesn't want to drag me on in hope for some friendship or something cause he doesn't come down here a lot anymore and since we hardly hangout or anything and I have said I can come to the city to catchup have lunch or something. But its like he doesn't hear me. I think cause he thinks I want some sort of commitment which I don't but he probably thinks I do.

N0help4u · Aug 7, 2013, 08:13 PM

I see all 'he distances himself' 'he says he doesn't want a relationship' 'he doesn't want to drag you into... ' The closest level I see you saying is that you talk and it seems fine, But then the next time its not fine. I don't see anywhere where he says he wants any sort of relationship with you. Sounds like he treats you neighborly or as an acquaintance. Seems like you really do want more even if you don't see it but he probably does see it Best thing you can do is quit reading anything into your chats with him

joypulv · Aug 7, 2013, 08:15 PM

One roommate is his ex? She's not really his ex; they are on a break. If she were his ex he would have moved out. He just went to his mother's while they worked things out or decided to break up for good. He was very nice to tell you that he didn't want to get too involved, or use you. Don't quiz him about his girlfriend, just take his words at face value and let him go.

talaniman · Aug 7, 2013, 08:18 PM

You ignore the obvious, he ain't interested enough to make any changes in his life. Sorry but he doesn't want to spend time even if you are the one doing all the traveling. Must be something he hasn't told you about. Not the truth any way.

Don't chase someone that's not as interested as you are and he definitely is NOT. Not good friend material either.

sarahhope11 · Aug 7, 2013, 09:12 PM

He did tell me a while a go if he was moved out things would so much easier but because he is on a lease until I think February or march next year he can't. I'm not going to talk to him cause all he has done is use me and make me believe at one point there could have been something but that was all lies but he said he hasn't lied about anything and I'm suppose to believe that yeah right

And says he wants to be friends and now basically wants nothing to do with me what is wrong with him!

N0help4u · Aug 7, 2013, 09:14 PM

The best thing to do is forget about him or else wait and see if he actually makes his big moves before April. Don't hold your breath

talaniman · Aug 7, 2013, 09:22 PM

And says he wants to be friends and now basically wants nothing to do with me what is wrong with him!

His word and action don't match so why are you so carried away by this failed friendship. Disappointing I know, but don't over react since its not working like you thought, or hoped it would.

That's kind of unrealistic, and desperate don't you think?

sarahhope11 · Aug 7, 2013, 09:24 PM

I'm not going to wait cause I don't think anything will ever happened between us he will either get back with his ex or find another girl that most likely lives either in the city or closer then where I live since with me its too hard

Im feeling hurt cause my last relationship ended badly and I didn't want to be in another relationship or want anything to do with guys like that for a while and I had my walls up with guys and then they came down when I met him he was the first guy I started to really like since my last relationship

Jake2008 · Aug 7, 2013, 10:23 PM

Where is your pride?

You sound so needy and even if you don't come right out and say it, the impression is that you have probably come on too strong, and expected too much. That would push anybody away.

Relationships start with both parties making a mutual effort to spend time together. Relationships don't start with one party wanting the other, but the other makes excuses not to.

It's a dead end. Let it go.

sarahhope11 · Aug 7, 2013, 10:38 PM

Yeah I know I have realized that now and I feel like an idiot and have ruined it all

joypulv · Aug 8, 2013, 04:39 AM

We're all idiots (most of us anyway) when it comes to love.
Each failure is a learning experience.
Then when you are wise and know everything, you are too old to do anything!
Speaking for myself of course.
Just trying to joke around to try to cheer you up.

Jake2008 · Aug 8, 2013, 05:01 AM

As the saying goes, you have to kiss a lot of frogs until you find your prince.

N0help4u · Aug 8, 2013, 05:49 AM

You are hurt because you let your guard down, because you got your hopes up, because you fell for his words, because you read too much into what he said, because you..
Notice what he said and his actual actions vs how you reacted by thinking there may be something between you. Lesson to learn don't use the wall, don't fall for words, use more logic and a dose of reality. Otherwise you are like the gullible people that fall for a snow job in the tropics.