[nay11]

I and my boyfriend have been together for 2 and a half years. I got pregnant really fast, we had only been dating 2 months! I trusted him at first, but then he would act so shady. I was 5 months pregnant and he saw his ex's boyfriend in the pub and he wanted to fight him, for "no reason". Then I noticed him checking out other girls mostly when we were driving in the city on the way back from my doctors' appointments all the time which didn't make me feel good at all, I felt fat and just there to have his baby! He would make comments such as "you should get a tight skirt like hers" or "you should get a body like hers".

After I had our first daughter it stopped for a bit. But then I'd catch him staring at my friends while they were dirty dancing at parties. He also doesn't have Facebook so I let him go on mine, I asked him for my phone and he was quickly trying to exit out of it, I tried grabbing it and he wouldn't give it, he pulled it so hard out of my hands I had fallen over. Then I got pregnant with my 2nd child. I was 9 months pregnant and for my birthday we went to the city to go out for tea and spend some quality time together. I was in the change room when he was checking out girls and his sister had told me that him and his brother were talking about some girls, I confronted him and yet another lie and excuse. He always denies that he looks but yet again another lie!

A few weeks ago I found a stash of porn, and that was the last straw! He is a liar! He even lies about little things that I don't understand why he would lie about! I don't think he has cheated on me but I do think if he had the opportunity and if I wouldn't ever find out he would. Catching him watching porn really hurt me. It felt as if I wasn't good enough, that I was ugly and fat. I am not as small as I was before having kids but I am still a size 10. I am starting to get low self-esteem, I know I should leave him but it's so hard to! I never lie or would even look at another guy! I just can't seem to forgive him, if I get angry at him for something I remember all the crap I go through and I have a go at him even weeks after its happened, I know it must be annoying but I just can't let it go! What should I do?

[WisperWill70]

I can assure you of one thing: ALL guys look now and then, and all guys watch porn (even if only mentally; the average man thinks about sex every 7 seconds) and like to talk to each other about the eye candy they've seen. It's all part of being a guy and it doesn't mean he's cheating, unfaithful or will act on it. The way your guy is DOING all this, however, is really disrespectful to you and it shows an immature way of viewing women and his primary relationship. There's a difference between appreciating a pretty woman and remarking to your friend (privately) and grossly ogling other women while your girlfriend is with you or making comments about other women in her presence. Or telling her "why don't you get a body like her?" that should have been your first warning sign!! Sounds like you got together really fast and the emotional and communication connections just aren't there. Tell him how he makes you feel, - he'll respect you more if you tell him this is not OK with you. However, if you tell him it's not OK and he continues it and you just go along with it - you're signing yourself up for an imbalanced relationship that is sure to leave you unfulfilled. You can't stop him from cheating... and if you really feel that he MIGHT if given the opportunity - why are you staying with this immature guy when there are loving and responsible men out there to love you and be good role models for your kids?

[joypulv]

You are way off base. Looking is good for him. Watching porn is a good outlet when a woman is pregnant, busy with infants, anytime really - lots of men get along better with a fantasy life. It's really just another form of looking, gawking, leering, drooling.

You walked into this early motherhood with your eyes wide open. Take responsibility for your actions and accept your situation. If he cheats (IF) then you can complain. He HASN'T. Men who gawk are often the least likely to cheat because they are all out in the open. Be glad for what you have.

I only agree with the first response a little, about when he belittles you. Stand up to him - tell HIM to have a baby or two.
But you chose to have 2 children. You can't just walk out the door that easily.

[talaniman]

I am starting to get low self-esteem, I know I should leave him but it's so hard to! I never lie or would even look at another guy! I just can't seem to forgive him, if I get angry at him for something I remember all the crap I go through and I have a go at him even weeks after its happened, I know it must be annoying but I just can't let it go! What should I do?

Its not yourself esteem, its your very emotional reaction over small dumb stuff that makes him lie in self defense I believe. Doesn't make it right, but what's a fellow to do with a volatile female like yourself that seems to explode over things he has probably forgotten.

You are way out of control and should inform your doctor immediately and get IN CONTROL of yourself, your feelings and actions. Then you can make better judgments, and have better reactions, and be happier with yourself and will deal with your immature boyfriend/sudden baby daddy twice in a better way.

You are right, a lot has happened to you both REALLY FAST.