[Bumbleouchies]

I realize this is a bit long, but I'll try to make everything as to the point as possible. I met a guy in August while we were both visiting my home town (He lived in a different province 2000 miles out, and I lived close to my hometown). We spent a few weeks together, (yes, I slept with him), but then he had to fly back home. He told me we'd keep in touch. I was hurt because I felt a connection to him.

Suddenly I was receiving texts from him everyday, and messages, and found myself replying to them all. Before I knew it we were splitting on a round trip plane ride to get me out to see him in his province in October of the same year. We spent 10 days together, and I had to go back home for school. During my time though, we were attached at the hip- we did everything together, and I stayed with him the entire time. I loved and got along with his friends amazingly- his mother as well.

When I got back home, I decided I loved where he was from, what he was all about and wanted to be a part of his life (and, honestly, start fresh with my own). I applied for a transfer (school) to his province and was granted it for January. Suddenly the really heavy texts started coming in once he knew I was coming: You have wife qualities, I can't wait till you feel like you have a home at my place, I'm crazy about you, etc. I have never been so deliriously happy with a guy before. He was attentive and was always interested in everything I did, and wanted to talk to me all the time.

Then, in December, he started to get distant with me. By the first week in, he told me that he was going to Thailand for 5 weeks with some of his single friends and, since he was technically single, he might sleep with someone. He said he wouldn't want to because he knew it would hurt me, but that he wants to go with a single mentality (when I visited him in October I knew about the trip, but he promised me he wouldn't sleep with anyone). Devastated, I told him he had a choice: Go without sleeping with someone, or never see or speak to me again. A week later, he called me and chose never seeing or speaking to me again because he didn't want to go thinking if he made one mistake, he'd lose me. I was devastated. I told him if he did I would try to forgive him, but that it wasn't likely. I explained to him how it would break my heart and be horrible for me, and he said it made it less likely that he would, but because he cared so much about me that he didn't want to lie and tell me it wasn't a possibility. He also promised that he would tell me right away if it happened (via fb).

I got to his province earlier than my lease started in January (4 days) so I had to stay with him. It was very difficult for me because I was still so incredibly hurt by him. I found myself being more distant and negative than I normally am, but I was still attentive with him- hungout with the guys, helped nurse his hangovers after parties we went to on the couch watching the football game, etc. And I slept with him again. He dropped me off at my apartment the day before he left.

He sent me messages every 2-4 days while in Thailand. They were pretty short and lackluster. While he was gone, I found out I was very sick and could need surgery. I told him this. I also found out my aunt was dying back home and that it was hard being alone 2000 miles away from family- which I also told him. Suddenly, the last week he was in Thailand, I didn't receive one message (6 days). It was only the day that he was leaving that I got a message informing me of when his plane was coming.

When he got home the next day, he text me, but made no attempts to see me. The next day, again, texts- no plans to see me. Finally, on Valentines day, I received no text at all until night time and all it said was 'Happy Valentine's day' I got upset and messaged him asking him 'is this going to happen?' to which he replied along the lines of 'I don't know, things are different now' (it was long winded and I deleted it). Anyway, I called him and asked him if he slept with anyone, and he said yes and that it was a local girl (he said he didn't fb me LIKE HE PROMISED, because he said I deserved to hear it in person. Some think it was because he was a coward). He then came over to my apartment and we talked in his car (I wouldn't let him in).

After a lot of talking (2 hours) I found out that in the last FIVE DAYS of the trip, he met a local Thai girl at one of the bars, brought her back to his hotel, slept with her, then paid for her taxi home that same night. He said he didn't know her name. He told me now that he saw the reality of what the news did to me, he felt guilt, regret and wished he could take it back (at first when we started talking he looked angry and cold, then by the end he was rolling his head in his hands and his eyes looked sad). He said he knew it wasn't technical cheating (because he refused to become exclusive with me because we didn't spend enough time together and he knew the possibility of him sleeping with someone was there). He also told me that during the 4 days we spent together before he left, it changed the spark that we had before in October and onward: he said he didn't feel the same way about me because he had never seen the negative, stressed side of me. I explained to him the reason was because of his possible infidelity; he understood, but still said it changed things- however he asked that we try and make this work because he wanted it to, and I agreed. He is on another trip for just over a week (to which he promised he wouldn't do anything on, that he didn't WANT to again) and we're using it to sort some stuff out individually. A huge part of me just wants to let this go and see if my feelings for him can turn into love someday, because I was so happy with him before and have seen the good in him. I took what he did in Thailand as not an aspect of who HE is, but just a product of his behaviour. I'm still so hurt. My counselor said to make this work I have to let it go- which I am trying, and my mother told me as far is she is concerned, his saying that he started to lose feelings for me was just because he was scared- she also said that's probably why he held off for the entire trip until the last little bit, because he realized I was at home and things were going to get real. He wouldn't stay the night that night, or kiss me, though. I can't tell if he's being weird about this because he's scared (Before he would talk about marriage and kids with me, now after this trip he jumps back and forth between 'I want to try and make this work' and 'I don't feel the same way about you, but I want to again because I want to make this work'). It's such a mess (he tried to tell me the reason why he's unsure now COULD be because I was now living here and the novelty MAY have warn off/always want what you can't have, but he was more excited about me moving there than I think I was. My mom and I think he was grasping at straws). I don't know if he wants to be in this because deep down he cares about me more than he's allowing himself to admit (he told me he cares enough about me to not want to see me hurt, but I'm not one of the most important people in his life yet), or for some other reason. CLEARLY he can sleep with whoever he wants- he doesn't need me for that. So what's his point?

[talaniman]

This is just too much drama for what started as a fling. Maybe all he wants is a no strings attached kind of thing like the fling/text/see you for a while and then you are gone, kind of thing. You are trying to build something with a stranger he isn't ready for so NO WAY do you give him your heart yet, and if you have... take it back and keep it safe.