[shell1234]

I met a guy 14 and half years ago, he was a drinker. I am not at all. After being with him for 10 years I finally ended it as I could not cope with how controlling very insecure, and obviously his drinking in purr relationship. He lived with me and my two children when he was good he was really good but his drinking was a problem. When I first met him he was pissed every night I could not believe how much he did drink, we did have a good social life even though I did not go with him to the pub very much as I had two children. Over the years I must of kicked him out about 40 times, I soon had him back as I loved him and did not want to be without him. The arguments would always be about our sex life as that was crap, I thought something was wrong with me, he did not fancy me. I had changed while I was with him, what I believed in with my views I was questioning myself was it me who was in the wrong why would he start about the most stupid things. Financially he did not support me giving very little towards the house hold bills. I would say to myself what am I getting out of this relationship nothing! But I loved him and trusted him 95% he would be to drunk to do anything even though he was a terrible flirt with the women I did not think he would go astray. He was very popular with his friends having quite a lot of socialising with them on a day to day basis he would work hard at work and had a very good reputation within where we lived. On occasion he would go away abroad for a guys weekend, I have never checked up on him having no doubt he would cheat on me. One particular weekend we had a dispute over a call I had missed from him. I checked his mobile and as I schrolled down there was a dialled call at some really crazy time in the morning. He never would be out till all the hours of the morning, I wrote the number down as I was curious. After riming the number on many occasions I finally late at night got the answer I wanted it was a massage parlour, I did not know what to do. I obviously confronted him he denied it. I could not get it out of my mind it drove me crazy our sex life was crap most of the time and hoe he made me feel as a woman was not that brilliant. After thoughts and a number of things i.e. going with a prostitute, his drinking which did get better he was not pissed every night it got down to three I had persevered all those years I knew he would never stop but it was not as bad as when I had met him. Anyway something clicked and I ended it, it hurt really bad for 4 and a half years every day I thought about him, living quite close to me I only ever saw him 2. In the 4 and half years a lot had happened I lost my precious 21 year old son which had a mega severe impact on my life. Nothing mattered except my daughter who was 10 at the time. Now at this present moment how my life is now has changed so much and so have I, I have got stronger and I do not take any at all. I have a new career, which pay extremely well, I am also styding a degree at university. I have worked extremely hard. On boxing day I had a telephone call from him saying he misses me wants me back! I was chuffed as to me he was one and only demon I had, I did go and see him that night nothing had changed he was drunk, abusive and I did think what the are you doing. During the next two weeks he was back in my head I was thinking more and more about him, taking on board what he said to me, I did not want him in my head, did I want him back yes and no. He never said the things he is saying to me now, he would never say sorry, his drinking has got a lot worse back to when I met him all those years ago, so why now after everything has happened especially the loss of my son am I letting him back into my life. I have seen him very briefly on two occasions and each time he has been pissed. He says he wants to make a mends, I don't this guy any more, did I really know him in the first place, what did he give me, nothing except I loved and trusted him more than any guy I have had a relationship with.

[shell1234]

Continued
Why am I talking to him, why have I even seen him, why would I want him back after he now has admitted he has been with a prostitute. Which I might add he thinks is okay as it's not cheating in his eyes, no commitment. I did ask him why he said it was because I was crap in bed. I said he was always to drunk to do it had he a fetish of what he wanted from some one he could not do to me. Why am I even asking myself these questions he is an arose so why why why