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    stylos's Avatar
    stylos Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jan 14, 2013, 09:08 PM
    My girlfriends ex won't leave her alone.
    My girlfriends ex of 5 years won't leave her alone. He's a psycho and it's almost getting out of hand. My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 7 months and every single day he texts her and messages her on Facebook. He tells her that he is never going to stop messaging her and trying to get her back. She broke up with him because he abused her and the thing is they have 2 kids together so she can't really just completely ignore him. He also messages me saying incredibly mean and rude things about her and he just says he can do what he wants and that I can't stop him. I'm 20 and he's 30 and he pretty much took advantage of her when they were dating. She cries every time he messages her because she is scared of him and I don't know what to do. I really want to be with her I love her and her kids I treat them like my own I just want him to stop.
    teacherjenn4's Avatar
    teacherjenn4 Posts: 4,005, Reputation: 468
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    #2

    Jan 14, 2013, 09:16 PM
    How about getting rid of FB and changing phone numbers? She can get a separate phone just for his calls. If she is being threatened, she can call the police.
    stylos's Avatar
    stylos Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Jan 14, 2013, 09:26 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by teacherjenn4 View Post
    How about getting rid of FB and changing phone numbers? She can get a separate phone just for his calls. If she is being threatened, she can call the police.
    She has changed her number before he just keeps texting her. She can't completely ignore him because of the kids. Could she still get a restraining order even with hm being the father of the kids?
    teacherjenn4's Avatar
    teacherjenn4 Posts: 4,005, Reputation: 468
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    #4

    Jan 14, 2013, 09:28 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by stylos View Post
    She has changed her number before he just keeps texting her. She can't completely ignore him because of the kids. Could she still get a restraining order even with hm being the father of the kids?
    She can ignore the calls that don't pertain to the kids. And yes, you can have a restraining order against an ex. Are there threats? Or is he just being annoying and trying to get her back?
    stylos's Avatar
    stylos Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Jan 14, 2013, 09:36 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by teacherjenn4 View Post
    She can ignore the calls that don't pertain to the kids. And yes, you can have a restraining order against an ex. Are there threats? Or is he just being annoying and trying to get her back?
    He is the dumbest person I know. He's calling her a b**ch and a fat wh*re and saying how ugly she is and that she is meant to stay in the kitchen and stuff like that. Then he freaks out asking why she won't go back with him. But like this is constant he does this every day.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
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    #6

    Jan 14, 2013, 09:37 PM
    It is her, not you, that has to take the initiative, to stop the unwanted communication. She need not have anything whatsoever to do with him, IF she chooses to do so.

    If she has not yet arranged a formal separation, and child support, that should come first, and she needs to see a lawyer to make sure the children are receiving support.

    She should be keeping a diary of all unwanted contact. Dates, times, conversations, etc. This can be helpful to obtain a restraining order.

    As teacher Jen said above, change the phone number and get off social networking sites. Stop returning any and all messages.

    You have only been in this woman's life for 7 months. You are not in any position to call yourself a father to these children, or attempt to change the behaviour of your girlfriend's ex. The children have a father, and while he may not get on very well with his ex, that doesn't mean that he is a bad father, and shouldn't be in their lives- after all is considered in court.

    There is a fine line between 'helping' and 'enabling'. She is the only one that can make changes to ensure her own safety and well being, and more importantly, that of her children. As long as these two parents are at war, the children will suffer.

    You aren't asking for advice yourself, but please consider that until she is on solid ground, and her and her children's needs have been worked out, I wouldn't consider her available.
    teacherjenn4's Avatar
    teacherjenn4 Posts: 4,005, Reputation: 468
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    #7

    Jan 14, 2013, 09:41 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by stylos View Post
    He is the dumbest person I know. He's calling her a b**ch and a fat wh*re and saying how ugly she is and that she is meant to stay in the kitchen and stuff like that. Then he freaks out asking why she won't go back with him. But like this is constant he does this every day.
    She doesn't need to take it. Ignore his texts. Have her tell him that she is going to hire a lawyer, and is documenting his verbal abuse.
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