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Lost Guy · Mar 12, 2007, 02:29 PM

Hello Everyone,
This my first time on this site and it has helped me just by reading the comments that you gave to others. Everyone's situation is a little different so I decided to sign up. Three weeks ago my girlfriend who I lived with for 5 years told me that she needed time and space. We broke up 1 time about 2 years ago but reconciled about 4 months after and have been together ever since. Last time we broke up I almost immediately started seeing another woman. I know it's not right but at the time it helped. She was so heartbroke that she almost had a nervous breakdown. Well this time I decided to take it like a man and deal with all of the pain and emotions and I am literally dying inside and she is actually taking it a lot better. She still misses me and I know it hurts her. I have lost 10 pounds the first two weeks that I didn't really have to lose in the first place. All I think about is her all day. I poured my heart out which was probably a mistake, and now I am taking advice that I have read. Leave her alone! It is so hard but it's what I am doing.
A few days after we broke up I got 2 tickets to a concert which happens to be an artist that we both like so I asked her to go and she said yes. The concert is tomorrow but I did not call her because of the "leave her alone clause" but she called me yesterday so I brought the concert up. She kind of acted like she was really unsure about going and asked if my new room mate would want to go instead. Already assuming this may happen I asked him and he does not want to go and I told her that. So she said OK I'll go. Should I take her and if I do how should I act. I have moved some of my stuff out but she told me that I don't have to move everything out right now as it is her house. She says she's not looking for anyone she just needs time. I have other questions and more details but this is an immediate concern as the concert is tomorrow. This goes against the leave her alone advise but she agreed to go. Help!!

JoeCanada76 · Mar 12, 2007, 03:03 PM

Personally since the no contact rules was bent a bit. You already offered, she already said she would go. My advice is go now, but no talk about going back. Just enjoy the concert. Be a friend. That is it. Now it sounds like you still love her and she does you. Just take your time in this.

As far a when your on a break. Was there any guidelines to the break? If not then you had that right to see somebody else. She will get over that. Should get over that.

My advice just enjoy that time in the concern without any expectations.

Joe

Lost Guy · Mar 12, 2007, 03:28 PM

Thanks for the quick reply, it makes total sense to go and just be a friend but it's going to be hard. There were guidelines on my part on this break up that I probably should not have done two weeks ago. I told her that I would not see anyone for two months to prove to her that my love was real, and also because last time I jumped right in with another girl. I told her

That I wanted to take the time feel all of my emotions towards her. It hurts really bad but I am doing my best to stay strong. Yesterday(Sunday) use to be our day together as it was the only day we had off together. I called her on Sunday a week ago and she said come over and we had a great day together including dinner and she treated me like she use to, but when the day was over I was on the love seat and her on the couch and we

Were both falling asleep. She told that she needed to go to bed so that was my cue to leave and I did just that. She gave me a hug and I was on my way even though I would have gave anything to stay with her and just hold her all night. She did e-mail the next

Day and apologize for wanting me to leave but she was not ready to ge there yet. Yesterday (Sunday) I stayed strong and did not call so she actually called at about 8pm and told she made the recipe that I gave her as well as the ingredients. Don't know why

She used that as a reason, she could have just said how are you doing. She tells me there is no one else and she's not looking, she just needs time to sort things out. Every day is terrible for me as I can't fully enjoy anything I do knowing she's not by my side. Being as she was acting kind of stand offish about going should I call her and say that to me it seemed like you didn't really want to go and you don't have to. If you don't want to go I can find someone else, which would bring me back to the leave alone rule and it would shock her I do believe. She probably really wants to go down deep inside she's just not showing it, but I am not sure.

JoeCanada76 · Mar 12, 2007, 04:33 PM

All I can say is have some patience. You are following the give her space idea and no contact. Your letting her contact you. I do not think you should play any games and I do not think you should shock her. I think just leave it the way it is and go to this concert. Now that the offer is up there. If she really does not want to go then she will let you know.

Joe

Lost Guy · Mar 13, 2007, 05:31 AM

Sounds like good advise. My friends tell me that I need to quit being so predictable. Her and I have been going to the same neighborhood pub for years as we have many mutual friends. We basically go once a week and hang out with our friends and blow off a little

Steam. She is 44 and I am 41. She was in there last Friday night and I purposely did not get there until late. I called my friend as I always do when I am on the way there and she knows I call him as well. When he hung up the phone she asked him if it was me calling

And he said yes that I would be there in about 20 minutes. She asked him if I said where I was and he said no. She also said that she was going to leave before I arrived there. When I did arrive she was there she was still there. I eventually went to her and gave her

A hug and started to walk off and she asked where I had been. I told her I was just making the rounds and continued to walk off. I could tell by the look on her face that she was worried to some degree over where I had been. She also told a girlfriend of ours twice in the span of 5 minutes that I didn't arrive until really late. She asks for time and

Space yet when she knew I was on my way she still stayed. I have to make her emotions come alive as mine are. Should I stay away from this place and just drop off the radar for a while? It has a lot of my friends there which I get some sort of comfort in, but it is really

Difficult for me to be there when she is and us basically acting like we don't know each other. Her emotions were coming alive when I wasn't where she thought I should have been. If I didn't show the whole night I think it would have really made her think that

Much more. She probably had a great relief when I arrived alone. Sometime it all seems like one big game to me. Also thank you so much for your responses. I really love her with all my heart. I am just trying to make all the right moves to not lose her and get her back asap. She broke my heart into pieces and each piece is still loving her.