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gregor74 · Sep 18, 2012, 03:39 PM

My wife of 25 years has dementia. During our discussions she has admitted having 5 affairs. One lasted for over 20 years. She said a condom was never used by any of them at any time. I now wonder if I am the father of my 3 sons. Should I say anything? Should I find out for sure?

Wondergirl · Sep 18, 2012, 03:41 PM

If she is suffering from dementia, could the five affairs be fantasy, just in her mind?

Wondergirl · Sep 18, 2012, 03:47 PM

My neighbor's wife had dementia and still lived at home. Every time he went to the grocery store or went out for some reason, she'd call the police to report their car stolen and her husband kidnapped.

I used to stay with a friend's mom so the family could go out together shopping or for dinner. The mom had dementia and believed she was being held hostage there and then would go to the window to check if her rescuers had arrived yet. I had to guard the doors and keep her occupied, of course, so she didn't run away.

I'm thinking don't believe everything she says.

gregor74 · Sep 18, 2012, 03:51 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

If she is suffering from dementia, could the five affairs be fantasy, just in her mind?

I wish. It did occur to me. That's one reason I bring it back up. Each time she reveals more details and another name. I know 3 of them, friends of mine, and one was her boss who broke up with her when she got pregnant.

Wondergirl · Sep 18, 2012, 03:59 PM

Originally Posted by gregor74

I wish. It did occur to me. That's one reason i bring it back up. Each time she reveals more details and another name. I know 3 of them, friends of mine, and one was her boss who broke up with her when she got pregnant.

Be very careful. She may be lost in a fog and in a fantasy world.

Did she like to read romance fiction in the past?

Wondergirl · Sep 18, 2012, 04:07 PM

Those names she would know well, could remember even when she is lost in dementia, and they would come quickly to mind. Also, I've known dementia patients to "enjoy" shocking others with wild and bizarre tales and comments. This may be the case with her.

gregor74 · Sep 18, 2012, 05:23 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Be very careful. She may be lost in a fog and in a fantasy world.

Did she like to read romance fiction in the past?

. Well. She read mostly fantasy books esp. Vampire and lord of the ring type. I should mention she is only in her fifties and her dementia is not typical, if there is a typical. Her memory is good. The doctors say it may be FLD? We are still getting a lot of test to get a firm diagnosis

bigNavySeal · Sep 18, 2012, 09:13 PM

Sorry, but Wondergirls examples really cracked me up. I only have one experience of dementia and that is with my passed grandma (92 yrs old!) who lived in with us during her last few years.

She would wander through the house and kept on asking where her husband was (who was long gone, 15 years ago at the time), and my mom'd say he was out shopping.

Also, sometimes when she saw me she'd be hugely surprised and exclaim: "Who are you?! Virginie (my moms name), you have children?!!!!" and get all nasty on me. Out of the blue! Mind you she was an amazing grandma.

I think Wondergirl gave you some good suggestions and I too would very much doubt she had any of those affairs. Affairs don't last for 20 years anyway (at least not mainstream). Next time you know it she'll admit she had 10 affairs, with at least 1 on each continent...

joypulv · Sep 18, 2012, 09:32 PM

The frontal/temporal lobes are responsible for a lot of our learned restraint and inhibition, for knowing what is appropriate for the occasion, like not wearing a bathing suit to church or having sex in the town square. I too think she is confusing fantasy with reality, and I too think she will probably get even more fanciful in the future. You may need to keep an eye on her actions. And I don't think I would bother with DNA testing of you and your children, although it's cheap enough these days if it will make you feel better.