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Kristi2222 · Sep 17, 2012, 04:58 PM

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year now, we took a 2 month break about 6 months ago. He admitted to me that over our break he had sex with a girl he met at school, we worked through it and made our relationship a lot stronger.

I just found out two days ago from his ex girlfriend who cheated on him, that they had sex during our break too, and that he also had sex with his other ex girlfriend. I know the answer should be clear of what I should do, but we all know its not that easy.

He bought me a promise ring for my birthday before I found out about all of this, says he knows he messed up but all of what he did wrong made him realize how much he wants to be with me. I know it's my decision of what I should do, but I am just wondering would it be possible to move on from this? Am I too forgiving?

JudyKayTee · Sep 17, 2012, 05:15 PM

Originally Posted by Kristi2222

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year now, we took a 2 moth break about 6 months ago. He admitted to me that over our break he had sex with a girl he met at school, we worked through it and made our relationship a lot stronger. I just found out two days ago from his ex girlfriend who cheated on him, that they had sex during our break too, and that he also had sex with his other ex girlfriend. I know the answer should be clear of what I should do, but we all know its not that easy. He bought me a promise ring for my birthday before I found out about all of this, says he knows he messed up but all of what he did wrong made him realize how much he wants to be with me. I know it's my decision of what I should do, but I am just wondering would it be possible to move on from this? Am I too forgiving?

I'm an investigator. There are two types of people who lie in relationships and two types of cheaters - one time cheaters/liars learn from the experience and stop the behavior. The other type is serial cheaters/liars - over and over and over.

I think you've got the second category in this guy.

More than that - if you are having sex with him you are also having (in theory) sex with every one of his partners and every partner they have had. This is how STDs are spread.

Would I be able to forgive him? No.

Kristi2222 · Sep 17, 2012, 07:51 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I'm an investigator. There are two types of people who lie in relationships and two types of cheaters - one time cheaters/liars learn from the experience and stop the behavior. The other type is serial cheaters/liars - over and over and over.

I think you've got the second category in this guy.

More than that - if you are having sex with him you are also having (in theory) sex with every one of his partners and every partner they have had. This is how STDs are spread.

Would I be able to forgive him? No.

What makes you think he is the second category?

C0bra_M3nace · Sep 18, 2012, 04:15 AM

Why did you go on a break in the first place? Who initiated the break? When a 'break' is mentioned in a relationship that should be when you sit down and decide whether it's going to work out.

If you can't forget about it then you're going to have to leave him; it's just going to end up ruining your relationship.

JudyKayTee · Sep 18, 2012, 04:25 AM

Originally Posted by Kristi2222

What makes you think he is the second category?

Well, just for starters he had multiple partners and lied.

Fr_Chuck · Sep 18, 2012, 04:28 AM

What ever he did during a break is not cheating, it is just being loose, or low morals or easy.

The minute you were no longer dating him, he was free to date and sleep with a different girl every night if he wanted to.

Also have you considered this other girl is saying this to cause trouble for him ?

talaniman · Sep 18, 2012, 07:07 PM

You broke up for 6 months. You will never get over it if you don't believe him. Or let the drama and fear cloud your thoughts and judgment.

Get checked any way, never know!

bigNavySeal · Sep 18, 2012, 08:31 PM

They broke up for 2 months, tal. Not that it matters all that much but still. I do go by the rule when you break up both parties are theoretically free to do whatever they like, unless you have set some 'rules'. Of course it may bring complications to the table...

You say "I found out from his ex". Exes can say sh*t. It's quite disturbing that she actually went to talk to you. Have you actually spoken to HIM directly about this? He was up front before that he did have sex with someone during your break. How far for him to go and say he had sex with 'multiple women'? He didn't. I don't see how he is now suddenly labelled as a serial cheater or liar. First off, he didn't cheat. Second, it doesn't sound like lying to me if you're honest with your GF with who you got back together with that you had sex during your time off. How much sex shouldn't even matter all that much. Simple. His ex-gf who actually cheated on him before may enjoy spreading rumors, to his (and yours) disadvantage.

Talk upfront with your boyfriend about it. If he says he hasn't, believe him, not his ex. Even if he has, it was during your break. Question yourself if it is all worth the mind games... You already accepted he had sex during your break...

Alty · Sep 18, 2012, 08:41 PM

Reminds me of the show Friends, when Ross supposedly cheated on Rachel, even though Rachel said she wanted a break.

A break is a breakup. You may intend to get back together, but during the break your aren't together, you're broken up, free to do whatever and whoever you want.

He didn't cheat. He slept around, he sewed some wild oats, but he didn't cheat.

So, you either accept that now that you two are together, and apparently serious about each other, that he'll be faithful, or you assume that because he had sex with someone else, or a few other people, when you two weren't together as a couple, that he's untrustworthy.

Did he ever cheat on you while you two were together? That's what I'd base my decision on.

Kristi2222 · Sep 25, 2012, 04:15 PM

He admitted to sleeping with 2 of his exes and one other girl after lying to me all summer about his two exes, he only admitted the other girl happened. He told me his exes were crazy and they made it all up, made me look stupid for calling them crazy. He said he couldn't take the guilt of lying to me anymore because he "wants to be with me forever" He says this is real now and he is giving me 100% effort from here on out. Should I believe him an risk getting lied to again?

Alty · Sep 25, 2012, 04:21 PM

Originally Posted by Kristi2222

He admitted to sleeping with 2 of his exes and one other girl after lying to me all summer about his two exes, he only admitted the other girl happened. He told me his exes were crazy and they made it all up, made me look stupid for calling them crazy. He said he couldn't take the guilt of lying to me anymore because he "wants to be with me forever" He says this is real now and he is giving me 100% effort from here on out. Should I believe him an risk getting lied to again?

That's really up to you. You know him, we don't. We only know what you've written about him.

JudyKayTee · Sep 25, 2012, 04:29 PM

Originally Posted by Kristi2222

He admitted to sleeping with 2 of his exes and one other girl after lying to me all summer about his two exes, he only admitted the other girl happened. He told me his exes were crazy and they made it all up, made me look stupid for calling them crazy. He said he couldn't take the guilt of lying to me anymore because he "wants to be with me forever" He says this is real now and he is giving me 100% effort from here on out. Should I believe him an risk getting lied to again?

I think if you stay with him his comment about "making you look stupid" will be deserved.

Just my opinion -

dfoster5 · Sep 26, 2012, 07:14 AM

I had an experience pretty similar. My ex and I dated for two years, but after the first year she wanted a break. We got back together a month later and things were fine for the next year. Then I found out she did in fact have sex with another guy on her 'break'. Come to find out, she never stopped. In fact she moved on to two guys. She was with two other guys for a whole year she was with me.

As soon as I found out, we split and a few weeks later she went back to the first guy she cheated on me with.

They don't ever change. They will just keep lying and lying until you get out.

Just take comfort in the fact that he will keep doing it and will never have a happy relationship and in all likelihood will end up alone. While you will find someone who makes you happy.

iheartcupcakes · Sep 26, 2012, 10:03 AM

From what you described, it's nothing but drama all the way around that you are better off without. Trust me. I divorced my husband of 6 years because of his adulterous affairs, and while I will forgive him (it's a process for me, anyway), I know I would NEVER trust him again. But that's just me. You may be able to move past it.