[LiveLife7]

I want to start by saying that my relationship involved only 5 months of living in the same country before my departure. I am in the military and I rotate countries every year.

I met the girl of my dreams in Italy 2 years ago, she is an Italian citizen and I am American. For the entire first 18 months it was amazing. The girl of my dreams, I trusted her beyond belief and to this day trust her with anything. After about 18 months I noticed myself drifting a little bit and instead of sticking with my plans of moving to Italy after my military career ends this December, I started filling out college applications. I eventually told her about this and it was the beginning of the end.

I would visit her frequently or she would come to where I was stationed and we saw each other about every other month. The phone calls and skype communication died down about 4 months ago and I realized that I had begun planning my life back in the states for when I finish the military.

A little bit about her; she studies all year and takes the summer off to work at a waterpark as a lifeguard. This year and last year she went out a fair amount between friends from work and old friends she has had for a few years. She started going out a lot more and our communication continued to dwindle. She has the kindest heart I have ever witnessed and she would do anything for me even to this day.

She texted me a few times the day she ended things, the texts that day and the weeks leading up to that day were standard "baby, my love" talk. When I answered her skype call she was clearly upset and I pried at her asking what was wrong. She said "I can't do this anymore, I just don't love you anymore. My feelings have changed." Later to find out she had come to realize herself becoming more and more interested in a co-worker, she insisted that the conversations would just flow and she enjoyed talking with him. Something that she said we lost or even never had. I beg to differ.

So, we broke up 6 days ago and I have contacted her EVERY day so far. I can't resist it, I can't resist looking at our chat application to see when the last time she was online. I can't eat anymore or play video games or watch movies without have to totally stop and I begin pacing around letting my mind go crazy.

Any time I send her a message or ask her to call me she responds or calls without hesitation. She says she will always be there for me and I am still the number 1 guy in her life and the most amazing person she has ever met. She also said that she knows what she is losing by breaking up with me but the feelings just aren't there anymore.

Now, the real dilemma. I have approved leave coming up in 12 days and guess where my plane ticket is sending me, Italy to the city I used to work in and where I met her and she still lives. I even have a rented apartment there. She is hell-bent on the fact that she will be leaving the city to go to the sea somewhere on the specific days that I am there because she can not face seeing me at all, she is scared her feelings will come back and she will force herself into a relationship she no longer wants. I feel I have to go there for some sense of real closure not just a skype call. If she meets with me, it would be amazing, if she doesn't.. maybe it will hurt a lot but I will not look back with regrets knowing I did what my heart told me.

She told me she took all of my pictures down from her walls in her room and has not turned on her computer since the night she dumped me. Her relationship status is still there and her profile picture with her kissing me remains as well.

Please someone help... I know "NO Contact" will be the general response from everyone but what else can I do? I think I really need to go to Italy for these 2 weeks and see if it is really over or if there is a chance. When I go there should I make an effort to track her down where she is and go to her? Or just leave her alone while letting here know I am in her city?

Every day sucks, I just want to rewind and fix where I messed this all up.

[Homegirl 50]

You need to leave her alone. She has told you she does not feel the same way. You will not be with her as you are coming back to America so what is the point?
Respect her feelings and leave her alone.
What will happen is you will begin to irritate her and she will really get nasty with you and I would not blame her.
When you told her you were applying for college her, you pretty much told her where she stood. She realized to hang on to you is useless. Now you want to hold on to her because she is seeing someone. That is rather selfish of you.
Stop acting like a teen. Be a man and accept that what you had is over. You were leaving her anyway. Go NC.

[LiveLife7]

You need to leave her alone. She has told you she does not feel the same way. You will not be with her as you are coming back to America so what is the point?
Respect her feelings and leave her alone.
What will happen is you will begin to irritate her and she will really get nasty with you and I would not blame her.
When you told her you were applying for college her, you pretty much told her where she stood. She realized to hang on to you is useless. Now you want to hold on to her because she is seeing someone. That is rather selfish of you.
Stop acting like a teen. Be a man and accept that what you had is over. You were leaving her anyway. Go NC.

Thank you Homegirl, but easier said than done. I realized my mistakes and I want to make it right but she is not hearing anything I say anymore. I went out to a club tonight and had great time, but some songs made me think of her. Should I see her when I go to italy? Or let her go?

[Homegirl 50]

Leave her alone. It is her wish and you really have no right.

[LiveLife7]

Ok but I have come to realize the mistakes I made. I told her that and admitted it. With the distance we drifted which is normal, but I never stopped loving her.

I feel like I really need her to see me, and she has stated that she can not see me it would be too difficult.

I go back to the states for good and I think I need to make one last attempt to set things straight. I think her being interested in this other guy is just out of loneliness and convenience, he's right there.

I would love to make things right, her take me back, and move to Italy for the 6 months like I initially planned to and hope we can get close enough to the point where she wants to come to America with me.

I guess I want to hear what I want to hear. Maybe I'm blind to the way women think. I don't know how she can turn cold as ice in one day and drop everything instantly. She has to still have feelings for me, she has to just be avoiding them and hiding from them hoping it all goes away eventually to avoid further pain.

I just want to make things right and be back with her.

*It's been over 24 hours of NC so far and today marks 1 week that we've been broken up. I will desperately be trying to maintain NC for as long as possible. What if she texts me in 2 days saying that we should talk, or how are you doing.. I really don't want the pity party and I told her that. I ate 3 pieces of bacon yesterday and nothing so far today. I really hope this goes away soon.

[Homegirl 50]

She says she does not want to see you. You need to respect that. You are sounding desperate and that is not attractive. Don't go stalking this woman.
I know this hurts you but she has made her choice. Respect it just as she would have had to do when you returned to the US.

[LiveLife7]

And if she decides to contact me? "Checking up on me" does that warrant a response? I would feel like she is just making sure I am OK like any other friend would do... Then again I really just want to talk to her and I don't think I would be able to not respond..

[Homegirl 50]

If she decides to contact you, you can tell her you hope she is happy and you are fine.
She has made her choice. Maybe she did not see a future with you and decided to move on. Now you need to move on.

[LiveLife7]

Do you think it's too late for her to change her mind? If she sees that I have reevaluated my future plans and that I am sure I want to be with her now? Is it possible that if I pushed her away I could just as easily pull her back?

[Homegirl 50]

I think you need to not play with her.'She wants you to leave her alone. What if she does not want to leave her country to be with you.
I think you need to respect her.
You were willing to leave her and changed your mind when she slowed down the contact and found someone else.
Leave the woman alone

[LiveLife7]

She told me she was not against leaving her country. She said that she would want to have 1 life together first for a good amount of time to really grow, this was the entire purpose of me devoting 6 months to go there study and live. I am leaving her alone and just waiting for my phone to light up with a message from her... I am hoping she needs time to realize that I could actually be gone or maybe she just needs time to miss me and the love that I really have for her.
She never told me to leave her alone, she said to call her whenever I want or message her and she is always there for me. She just said that she can't stand seeing me face to face when I am in Italy. When I am there I think I will not force myself on her, just a phone call or message to let her know I'm there if she decides she wants to see me...
I do not want to play with her at all, I just want her back. And I gave her the wrong ideas due to my own confusion the past few months and have come to finally realize such. Maybe it is too late and she pressed the button and really has moved on..
When she broke up with her ex she said she was in her room for 2 weeks crying and depressed and feeling horrible (they of course were not doing distance and he was Italian) with me, she is living life normally as I can tell and only gets emotional when we are on the phone together... do those emotions mean she is still inside and fighting it trying to hold back from getting herself hurt any further than I already hurt her?
I have a thousand questions popping into my head each minute..

[Homegirl 50]

I think she is trying to move on and you should let her.

[LiveLife7]

So I should basically give up? I've never been a person to get rejected and maybe that is what is making this so hard for me. Maybe I've been humbled by this entire situation.. But I never give up on anything it's just my nature and I don't see myself being able to give up on this. At least not without 1 last attempt to see her, look in her eyes and let her tell me it's over for real.

[Homegirl 50]

I think your ego is bruised. She has told you she does not want to see you. Now you are contemplating disrespecting her and forcing her to see you because your are not one to give up. That is Bull Sh*t quite frankly.
You forced her to give up when you decided to go back to the US. That was on your terms. You then find out she has met someone else and backs off from you. This was on her terms and you don't like it.
I think your attitude is very selfish and self serving.

[LiveLife7]

I think you are correct about my ego. After some further thinking, forcing her to see me might be the ideal movie scene but in reality it is wrong to force her to do something she clearly stated she does not want to do. I am really hoping she decides to see me just to end things properly and I know that I must go there prepared to have things actually over and with no false hopes of getting back together. Am I wrong to think that our relationship warrants a proper face to face breakup? Rather than a surprise skype attack? I hope she comes to her senses, we have never fought or had any real difficult times and I just want to keep her in my life because of her amazing personality. She does deserve better than what I gave her though.
Today is the first day I have eaten a meal in a week and it has been 1 week so far. I hope I can stay like this because before the breakup I was in the gym 6 days a week now my gym activity is non existent.

[talaniman]

Go ahead let her tell you to your face she ain't going to change her mind! Then what?

[LiveLife7]

I understand what you mean but I think our relationship deserves the respect of a proper ending whether it's painful for one party or both. I know it's 2012 but there is a sort of decency that I think could be shown here. Especially since neither of us are nasty with each other or resent anything.

I have been maintaining NC and will continue to do so until a few days before I go there. I plan to call her and ask if she can put my things in a bag so I can pick them up at her house when she is not there.

[Homegirl 50]

You are lying to yourself. What is a proper ending? She said "I can't do this anymore, I just don't love you anymore. My feelings have changed." Later to find out she had come to realize herself becoming more and more interested in a co-worker, she insisted that the conversations would just flow and she enjoyed talking with him. Something that she said we lost or even never had.


She ended it. You just don't want to accept it. You want to make her uncomfortable because you are. Like I said your ego is bruised and you are being selfish. You want her to feel pain like you do.

[LiveLife7]

So she decided to finally change her profile picture and hide her relationship status today. I am definitely doing a lot better this week but couldn't help but notice.
I am still hoping we can meet up when I am there next week, but I am really trying not to get my hopes up.
Is it possible my NC has prompted her to change her picture maybe to get a phone call or something from me? Or could it just be her taking another step to move forward?
Does anyone think there is a chance she might not be over it and might actually still have the feelings she initially did?
When I call her next week I am going to come off as best I can to not sound interested in her, I know this is a type of game but it might be the best thing to do.. I would try anything at this point. However, if this trip to Italy does not play out in my favor, moving on past her will be my immediate next step.

[Homegirl 50]

NC is to allow healing not cause ne to miss the other. She is more than likely moving on.
I still am not understanding why you are going there except to disrupt her life.