[sarallaballa]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost three years now. We've had a bumpy relationship from the very start, but we've really been in love even from the beginning. He has always had more female friends than any guys (which is sort of the root of all the problems) and these friends are usually ex-girlfriends of his. We have gotten in several fights over these girls because I believe these relationships are inappropriate and he doesn't see the problem in them.

This past week I did the unthinkable to try and solve this problem. I got a fake number and texted him as a fake girl. He was very into the conversation even though the fake girl made it very clear she wanted to be more than friends (“how do you feel about friends with benefits”) and that she “is really just trying to take you away from your girlfriend.” He then made plans to see the girl, where I showed up and tore him a new one. We resolved the issue and with the exception of trust everything was on its way to recovery. He, however, informed me (after I searched his text history) that this was not the first time he planned to meet a strange girl who “he had no idea was attracted to him.” Even when I was being the fake girl he still never agreed to be unfaithful, and that is the one thing I thought was true.

We decided to go on a date to hopefully rebuild our relationship to what it once was. We had a great time going to dinner, a movie, art fun, and even snuck away for a little intimacy. The sex was going great, but out of nowhere he stopped and silently just started to put his clothes back on. I asked him what was wrong and after a while of thinking he finally told me that “his mind just wouldn't let him anymore.” This got me thinking and I realized that the whole week he kept having me do all the work, insisting on me being on top. It was only on Friday, after quite some time of me obliging already, that I asked him to help out some. It was then that he started to act so strange. Needless to say it ruined the night and we haven't really talked much (especially had sex) since. I told him that I didn't have a problem stopping it was just that my feelings were hurt more than anything, but he said that he didn't see how that it was his fault but none the less he is sorry.

This could have just been a fluke and my mind is playing all these tricks on me now, but I feel like I don't even have a boyfriend or a friend in him right now. Do you think it's even worth trying to fix? Is his inappropriate, girl obsessed behavior ever going to change? Should I just call it quits after all this time and dedication? I'm really in need of help here. Anything helps. Thank you.

[talaniman]

I don't approve of the games to test and catch him, but you cannot just think things were resolved just because you talked. I think this is far from over and the trust is broken on both sides.

I think your troubles are just beginning. You better pay attention and start listening because the distance will grow. I don't think he feels it like he did. He may not say it, but there is an underlying anger and resentment. You better talk, because dates, and sex, won't cut it now.

Is his inappropriate, girl obsessed behavior ever going to change? Should I just call it quits after all this time and dedication?

Yes his behavior was BAD, but I think he was backed in a corner being caught, and I think he would have done or said anything to get the heat off. You can't change him unless he wants to change himself. Your game made him aware, and cautious, and maybe a better cheater in the future. He knows you are watching him closely.

Maybe talking gets you through this, but to be honest until he can get over his selfish ego, I seriously doubt it. I don't know how he will react in the future. To be honest, I don't think he wants to talk about this with you and be reminded of his being "set up" so easily.