[Penkins1987]

My girlfriend and I had an awful day together. She made me upset and I got very angry. But I didn't do or say anything directly that was harmful until finally I dropped her off at home. After I walked her past the gate to her apartment (to help unload some stuff) I headed for the gate towards my car. I heard the front door close behind me and I assumed she closed it with her inside her apartment. Apparently she came out and was following right behind me. I slammed the gate closed thinking nobody was there, and then I heard a shriek- I had unintentionally hit her with the gate. She's OK she told me via text message. But I hurt her arm. I have a tendency to get violent when I'm under severe stress- but I rarely take it out on a person- the last time I remember doing that was middle school or highschool- and that's a long time ago for me.

She's the last person I would ever want to hurt, both physically or emotionally. Gosh, stress will drive you mad. I honestly don't know what to do with stress when I'm not allowed to release it. Ya know what I mean? My girlfriend and I got into a little argument- but it was cut short- I couldn't argue while her family was in the other room (a family weekend event), so I put it aside. Ok, then we had some alone time on the beach- so I tried to talk with her. A quick argument, and then she left me there on the beach. And I was all stressed and mad- all by myself- unable to express myself. So finally after hours and hours and hours of sitting and waiting- and then more hours and hours of driving home- I dropped her off at her house. And I released my anger in one giant slamming gate. And thank God I didn't hurt her more than I did. Cause I slammed it as hard as I could.

I've known this girl all my life. If I were to marry anyone - I thought it would be her. But after today's events, it all seems so impossible. It began with poor communication and misunderstanding, and ended in anger and rage. What caused my frustration was how she rolled her eyes at me and walked out of the room when I was upset with her. I was upset. But not mean. She rolled her eyes and left. As if my feelings weren't worth her time. Or worth a damn at all. Later on the beach, I tried to convey those feelings again- and she left me there in the sand. I was a guest at her family home. And she left me out there on the beach. All I wanted was to talk. I broke up with her via text after I hurt her arm. I did it in a very nice way. I apologized- for the door slamming several times- and I apologized for the terrible weekend I caused, and I wished her well and good luck. I didn't want to break it off with hateful words. So I tried to be kind, despite my angry feelings and hurt heart.

I don't even know why I'm writing this. I guess I just know that everyone has to express their feelings at some point or another. We can't deny our own feelings- we must release them (preferably in a positive way). So I figure the sooner I can go through this major catharsis, the sooner I'll be on my way to being in a happier, healthier state of mind.

It's depressing when you make a huge mistake. My mistake perhaps is nothing compared to a man who might have fired a gun, or a drunk who might have hit another. But it's depressing all the same. We all make mistakes, and suffer the consequences. It's depressing I tell you. Especially when we meant no harm. And then we feel like the entire world comes down on us and condemns us. But in our hearts we search for compassion, and hope that others might have mercy on us.

I guess in retrospect, I see that neither myself or my girlfriend had any alone time. Either we were out in public, or we were crammed in a small home with her family. There's no room for error in that kind of situation. Somebody s up- the other one gets pissed- no body wants to argue in front of anybody else- blood pressure goes through the roof- and bad happens. Gosh if I can have anything in the world, I guess it would have to be my own sanity. God bless the world, help us not go insane.

We up when we're confused. We up. We get confused cause we're too angry to see straight, or too sad to see straight, or worried, stressed, etc. We lose our sanity and make awful mistakes. STAY SANE! We need space, and time, without those two things- you go freaking nuts!

[Gamed]

I don't know what your question is but good on you man most people take out rage on other people it's a great characteristic that you can channel your anger to make sure the ones you love don't get hurt. What question were you getting at?