[DanielMA]

I'm a guy aged 35 (currently married but on separation) who is interested in female working colleague. She is a 43 year old widow who has a 17 year old son. We have been working together for 5 years now and have been friends for quite a while now. Correct me if I am wrong here, because I might have failed to decode signals she was sending me. Each time I visited her office, we would talk for long periods like 45 minutes to an hour or so. She would ask or encourage me on my future plans, whilst chatting with she would attentively watch every body movement I made in form of hand gestures and so. She was very talkative. She would occasionally at times come and sit in my office and chat. Working and sharing our offices with other staff, I didn’t want to attract attention that I was attracted and into her. So I have never told any of my colleagues that I was attracted to her and intended to ask her out. I also observed at times she would expose her cleavage at times and not look offended if I stealing looked at her chest. I took this as a come on signal, meaning to say please ask me out. So, not wanting to attract attention at work, I decided to send her emails asking her about her day, work gossip and so on and I then started asking personal questions, such as are you in a relationship, what do you on weekends etc.

She said that being in relationship was tricky and that she was not seeing anyone, because most of the potential guys would be married and going out with married guys was taboo to her. She also said she spent her weekends with her son. I told her that I really enjoyed her company in an email, and she responded by saying that I was a blessing and wouldn’t know what to do if I wasn’t there. Each time we were communicating on email, she would respond about 10 minutes to 3 hours after my email. I asked for her mobile number, and she give to me in less 3 minutes of my email.

My problem arose from this point. I texted her only once saying I quote "Can you guess what I am thinking about?" She did not respond until the next day which was a weekend saying I quote " I love you D but like a brother" So reply saying " I know that you love me too, but is this not incest? I will call you in 10min” I then called her and the first thing when she did when I asked her about the text message was to laugh. She told me that that was the problem with men, because a woman was friendly they took advantage, she went on to say that she knew it would hurt my feelings and that she went on to lecture me about what it would to my relationship with my kids for about 10 minutes if they found out. I didn’t say anything but listened and thanked her for advice and I said I would think about it.

Come Monday morning we meet in the office corridor and I greet her, though I was rushing out of the office, I spare a minute to chat with her. I noticed that she was not comfortable and could not look at me in the eye as in our previous meetings. Following day I send her an email asking her about her day. She responded politely saying it was fine. No communication for over a week, she sends me an email addressed to and 2 other workmates stationed in the remote part of the country all with the names beginning with the letter D. The email states that she woke up and thought about me and she decided to pray for me. I am absent at work and do not see this email until the Monday the next week. I reply to it thanking her for the prayer. From that, no communication for over a week and half apart a sms and email I send her asking if she is still alive and inspirational quotes from the internet. She has not responded to both the text and email.

Should continue pursuing her or move on?

[C0bra_M3nace]

I'm not sure if she's prying herself away from you because of your marital status or other reasons. If you're really interested, that would be worth finding out. Explain to her your situation, let her know that your working on getting out, if that is the case. If she's still hesitant, move on buddy.

[mmresd]

First of all, finish getting your divorce. Only then can you pursue a relationship with someone else, until then keep her in the back burner, if she comes forward then she wants to be with you, if she doesn't then it is time to move on from this one.

[WisperWill70]

This woman is being more than polite to you... but she doesn't want the complication of being with a MARRIED MAN (separated or not) and she has her own family to look after and a teen son. She's been through a lot in her life so you have to respect her coolness and her distance. Without saying it she's saying "PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE"

Finish your divorce - move on with your life. Later, when you've disentangled yourself from your own situation -- maybe your friendship can change. Don't leave your wife for someone else... leave for your own reasons. Stop contacting this woman and move on.

[talaniman]

You sure don't take hints do you? I mean wouldn't it be downright STUPID of her to date a co worker who was only separated?

She said that being in relationship was tricky and that she was not seeing anyone, because most of the potential guys would be married and going out with married guys was taboo to her.

I love you D but like a brother" So reply saying " I know that you love me too, but is this not incest? I will call you in 10min” I then called her and the first thing when she did when I asked her about the text message was to laugh. She told me that that was the problem with men, because a woman was friendly they took advantage, she went on to say that she knew it would hurt my feelings and that she went on to lecture me about what it would to my relationship with my kids for about 10 minutes if they found out. I didn't say anything but listened and thanked her for advice and I said I would think about it.

She would think that you were a big idiot if you expect her to go for your crap, and it would show her that you weren't listening to what she told you at all. I mean why would she turn her job, that supports her and her son, into a romantically complicated mess, with a fellow who was still married, younger, less mature, and really tone deaf, and selfish?

She would have to be pretty stupid wouldn't she?

[WisperWill70]

I need to spread some reputation around before I can thumbs up Talaniman again... but
... hear! Hear!