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Cold_Phoenix · Feb 22, 2007, 05:44 PM

All right I'm new to these boards so sorry if this has came up before. It's still nice to get answers to my specific problem though.

My Girlfriend is near the end of her high school life I'm begginning my college life. We have been together since she first came into high school. So its been about 2 and a half years. We've had a happy relationship, she even admits she was never sad with me.

Last week she goes with her friends out dancing and has one of the most fun times without me she's ever had. The next day she says she needs time to be single. Now keep in mind she's never cheated with me and during this break she has no intentions of seeing other guys. She is however a huge flirt. She says she needs time to get her flirting out of her system cause it isn't fair to me that she flirts while I'm with her. I can respect that, as well as her need to be single. Since she's started high school she's been with me, so I can see where the need to do things on her own come from.

She told me to give her 6 months of being single, and that we could decide whether to get back together. Strangely enough, she doesn't want to completely cut off contact, she wants to talk to me occasionally and she even wants to go out and eat together this weekend.

Also since I've been with her I haven't taken school or my job very seriously, she says I need time to grow up so she can come back and have me as a man and not a high school boy. I'm very sorry for the length and bad letter-form, but does anyone think there's any chance of her coming back to me after 6 months?

manimuth · Feb 22, 2007, 06:36 PM

Hey Cold,
I don't think anyone can really answer that question. Unfortunately (or fortunately) you have to decide what you want. She has the right to take a break from you. But, you have to decide if you are OK with going out and talking while she is on that break. I, personally, would not recommend having contact with her during this time.(There are more than enough threads on this site about that!) Though she says she wants 6 months to be single, "to get flirting out of her system", these are really cop-out reasons for what she really wants to do: time to evaluate being with you. So, it would be unfair to keep seeing you and dragging you through that. Let her know that it is fine if she wants a break but only that it has to be a no-contact, complete break. She has to decide what she wants and agree on a time when she will call you and then you can talk about continuing a relationship. As hard as it will be, it is important to completely stop any contact with her so that she can decide what she wants.
Most importantly, it is completely up to you to wait around for her to make that decision. As much as she has a right for a break, it is also your right to move on instead of waiting around. Remember, you are starting a very exciting part of your life with a world of new opportunities.

Cold_Phoenix · Feb 22, 2007, 06:45 PM

Well as the person who has chosen to take the break, she states, she still loves me and can't stand not seeing or calling me. Usually I would think the person who is getting "dumped" would say that, So you think maybe she really does want to be with me but truly only wants time to have fun with her friends? I really have no problem waiting on her, being I have no plans of getting into another relationship anytime soon unless it were with her. Well even if there isn't any real answer to this, thank you for taking the time to answer my question and showing concern for my problem.

Nosnosna · Feb 22, 2007, 07:26 PM

The time apart should be good for both of you. You both get a bit of time to experience life, and to center yourselves. You probably need it as much as she does, really.

Will she come back? Only time will tell. It doesn't sound like she wants it to be over, but at the end of the break, she may have changed her mind. Or you might have. One thing to remember is that if you see each other much during this time, it won't really be a break, and neither of you will have the time you need. So go out to dinner this weekend, have a good time, and set up the ground rules for the break. The big things to cover in those rules are any limits on dating during the break (casual dating is OK, anything more serious should be out of bounds... it's a break, not a break-up), and guidelines for contact (you want to be out of contact for the most part. Get together periodically to touch base... monthly, or every six weeks or so should do). At the end of the six months, you'll need to decide together what's going to happen going forward.

During the break, you should work on yourself a bit, and make sure that you get yourself focused on the other important aspects of your life. You have to learn to balance the various aspects of your life... school, work, relationship, family, and friends all deserve a share of your attention, and none of them can be neglected, and you indicate that some of those are being neglected currently.

JoeCanada76 · Feb 22, 2007, 07:50 PM

Hello,

I know you say that she wants a break and that she does not want to see anybody else. At the same time you mention how she is a huge flirt and wants to get all of the flirting out of the way. That says to me she does want to be with other people right now.

Nosnosna,

Is correct in saying that when you do go out with her, that there should be guidelines to the break up, or should I say break. If you do not have any then each person or one person might end up really really disappointed. Thinking nothing was going to happen with other people and something has. Something to think about.

It is true, that it should be most important for you right now is to focus on your schooling. This is the best time to do it when you do not have as many distractions. If you do not work on yourself then it will be hard to have a future job, relationship , etc...

Best of luck to you with everything.
Keep us up to date on what happens.

Joe

Cold_Phoenix · Feb 22, 2007, 08:02 PM

Yes its true she's a flirt, she's one of those girls who likes to flirt to get a response, but with no intentions of going beyond that. For myself, I'm going to just pretend this is a break-up and live like she isn't coming back. That way I won't be living in constant turmoil in my own mind trying to see the unknown. I'll admit I didn't start the break right, in the fact that it was sudden and out-of-nowhere, I had a lot of confusion and questions, I bugged her constantly. After doing a little reading on this site, I see now I'm going to have to stop texting and calling her. And who knows, she may come back to me in the end and be happy with me over being single. From you who have posted so far, have you had this "break" situation come up, and if so, does it ever end with you and the other together?

Nosnosna · Feb 22, 2007, 08:16 PM

Don't feel bad, you did the natural thing. That the natural thing isn't the right thing is hard to accept.

I've not had a break like this at all, actually. To be perfectly honest, every mid- or long-term relationship I've had has ended spectacularly poorly (for a variety of reasons... one was my fault, one was her fault, one was both of us, and one was nobody's fault). I have seen it work out, though, and I truly believe it's for the best.

I wouldn't hold my breath, but I wouldn't give up hope, either. Just go forward, and take the result when it comes. I know it sounds hard, but that's your best bet to not end up hurt or disappointed. Worry about you for now. When six months is up, then you can worry about the two of you.

talaniman · Feb 23, 2007, 03:14 PM

6 months is a long time, so live your life without her and enjoy yourself. By doing so you can be able to see life with a lot more clarity and objectivity. Not just through the emotional eyes you have now.

Cold_Phoenix · Feb 23, 2007, 04:06 PM

All right so a little update. She tells me she pretty much sees this as a break-up, and not a break. I ask her then if she's going to be looking for other guys, she tells me she's not going out to look for it, but if she's been talking to a guy she meets and it gets to the point where he tries to kiss her, and it feels right to her, she won't stop it. I think she told me 6 months so we can talk about our lives and see if we still feel like we want to be together. So yeah, bad news for me pretty much, but this is a sign that I can truly move on with my life and not wonder if she still cares. Right now I care about her, and there's no way in hell I'm going to look for another girl, so if she still loves me after all that time, then we may keep going, but from everyone I've talked to, this is usually the end. Time to pursue life!

Nosnosna · Feb 23, 2007, 04:12 PM

Good man. You're handling this in a very mature and responsible way. Kudos for that.

It may suck for you at times... if it does, you know where we are.

Cold_Phoenix · Feb 23, 2007, 04:14 PM

Yeah I guess I can put on a good front, I'm a wreck to tell you the truth. But this is not the end and all that. I need to get a job fast, something to occupy my mind. Its worse on me right now because I have nothing to do until I get a job, I have a lot of time to sit around and think.

JoeCanada76 · Feb 23, 2007, 04:16 PM

I had a feeling there was somebody else in the picture. Please do not even think about the 6 months. It is pretty much over and nosnosna is so right, you are handling it very well. At least you know now for sure what her plans are so that means you will be able to let go at your own time. Time to pursue!!

Joe

Cold_Phoenix · Feb 23, 2007, 04:19 PM

I really don't think there is someone else.. yet. I told her that she needs to stop being afraid and tell me exactly everything, I asked her to not hold anything back, and to not feel bad about hurting my feelings, because I'll eventually find out and be hurt. She's always been truthful and hasn't really ever lied to me, nothing serious. If there were someone else, she knows it would help to get it out now. But yeah, I'll find something to get my mind off it.

JoeCanada76 · Feb 23, 2007, 04:26 PM

I am sorry but it is right in front of you. Why do you think she asked for the break. Probably wanted to get to know the other person more. This gave her that chanch to do that, but honestly it does not matter anymore anyway. The reason is she already told you it is a real break. You know the deal and now you can work on yourself.

Go out and have some fun.

Cold_Phoenix · Feb 23, 2007, 04:29 PM

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

I am sorry but it is right in front of you. Why do you think she asked for the break. Probably wanted to get to know the other person more. This gave her that chanch to do that, but honestly it does not matter anymore anyway. The reason is she already told you it is a real break. You know the deal and now you can work on yourself.

Go out and have some fun.

Yeah see what I think is, there's not another "person" in mind, there are just other people she wants to meet. But yeah thanks for all your help guys, I'll soon be better off.